Tag: baseball

Baseball Season is officially over

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, cauda equina syndrome, CES, Chronic pain, depression, mental disorders, mental illness, mood disorders, suicide, suicide attempt

Tonight the San Francisco Giants swept the Detroit Tigers in the World Series. My Baseball Depressive Disorder has peaked. Now I have no baseball games until Spring training in March, a mere five month wait for something I love more than anything.

I went out with a friend of mine who I haven’t seen since May. He finally sold his house in Boston and is now temporarily living in Marlborough until things are settled for his condo in Revere. I hope that he likes Revere and he is by the Blue Line as he works in Boston. Traveling can be hard between these two cities by car. He wants me to help him with his Facebook page and I have agreed. It is freelance work, though I have told him I know nothing about eye conditions but he is willing to teach me. He is an eye doctor, and in my opinion one of the best in the Boston area. I have been seeing him since I graduated high school. This volunteer work will help me keep busy. I love learning new things and I am sure it will help him and his work.

I still am feeling kind of weird since I am living and I have not attempted suicide. I feel like it is a loss that I am never going to recover from. I know this must sound weird but it’s true. I have been trying to attempt to kill myself since 2005 and have not made one single attempt despite all my planning. I have come close a couple of times but I have never really gone past my planning stage. What changed? The fact that more people need to be aware that there are people like me who think about suicide all the time yet do not tell a single soul about how dark their thoughts are. I have my therapist to talk to about this and she is the ONLY person that knows how I really feel. I don’t confide in anyone else. I would talk to my psychiatrist but I have been avoiding her. Mostly because I just feel like a burden to her. That is the hardest part of this illness is knowing you are a burden to others even though you may not really be in reality.

I still have yet to go back to my comparison paper. I really am just procrastinating on it. I want to be able to work on it while I am sitting at a Starbucks. And because my depression is so bad I hardly leave the house, I just have not been in the mood to bring my laptop around the city to go to Starbucks and sit for a few hours. I have been becoming more reclusive and I hate leaving the house for any reason. I just like staying in my room all the time goofing off on my laptop while Facebooking or blogging. I haven’t had that many emails to respond to. My online CES support group has been quiet lately. Like everything else, it ebbs and flows. Sometimes there is a lot of chatter and other times there is very little. It all depends on what is going on and if people have things to add or suggest. This group has been a life saver for me because without it, I would feel totally alone with my nerve condition.

ramblings 7

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Chronic pain, mental disorders, mental illness, mood disorders, sports, suicide, suicide attempt

I am totally wiped out doing nothing. I have been feeling low the past week or so and it just gets worse. I have a hard time motivating myself to get dressed or to take a shower. I just don’t feel like it. Today I wanted to make a pumpkin pie but I bought the wrong kind of pie crust. Least according to my mother I did. I am too lazy to go back to S&S to return it.

My foot has been aching since Friday. I don’t know why my foot always bothers me more on weekends than during the week. It also makes me just want to stay in bed and do nothing. I was able to write a story about my attempt this weekend. I am trying to write another paper about psychache and the assessment for it but I don’t think I have the energy for it and I hate it. I just can’t get my thoughts together about what I want to say in this paper, which is part of the problem and the other half of it is procrastination. Why I am procrastinating is puzzling. It’s not like I have a deadline for this. It is just a paper that I am writing for fun. I want to analyze about psychache and the assessments used for it, almost like a compare/contrast. Problem lies that my meds are making it difficult to concentrate on my paper and reading the articles supporting my argument. I hate taking meds affecting my thinking but I have no choice. It’s either take them or end up back in the nut house.

Disappointed the Pats lost due to one stinking point. They had the lead and they blew it to lose by one stinking point!! ARGH!!!!

In my baseball world, Detroit beat the Skankees 3 zip at home in the Bronx, taking a 2-0 ALDS lead. Sweet revenge having them lose at home. I hope Detroit continues to win and beat those overpaid bastards.

Moodwise I have been in a miserable mood. Mostly stemming from a bad relationship. But I’m over it. I just wish my heart can move on as quickly as my mind can.

baseball

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, sports

I admit it, I am a baseball junkie. Anything to do with baseball and I am there. I have been watching all the post season games and tonight I am really nervous about the O’s game. I really don’t want the Evil Empire to win. I’m so nervous about it I can’t watch the game and though I usually keep track of Twitter, I have decided against it tonight. Because of the Skanks score first, that doesn’t bode well. If the O’s do, I will be happy. If not, it most likely will be the Tigers against NYY. I can’t stand to watch another post season with these over paid bastards. And I especially cannot stand to watch A-Rod play. He is so smug I just want to smack that smirk off his face sometimes. Nick Swisher is also another player I just cannot stand. He is just nasty…

And the O’s season comes to an end. I’m heartbroken because I thought they would be able to beat the Evil Empire but I guess being in the Bronx was too much for them.

The 2012 Postseason (baseball)

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball

Wednesday’s night game against the Skankees was horrible. The Sox couldn’t win and the Skanks didn’t even try to give them the game. After all the Bronx Bombers were after the AL East title. A Sad fact that they have won the last 13 of 17. These overpriced bastards just kill me. I didn’t watch the game from end to end. I stopped watching after Dice K gave up two homers in the same inning, giving the snakes a 5 zip lead. It was really pitiful. The tweet hashtag of the game was #SoLongSox. I am depressed because there is no more games of my favorite teams. I am now watching the other teams because baseball is my favorite sport of all time. I just can’t let it go because the home team is done for the season. I have to see how this ends and who wins the World Series.

Right now I am watching the Braves play the Cards. Braves are losing due to an error by their third baseman. I really don’t want the Cards to win. The Braves have not been to the world series in a long time but this year I am rooting for the Nationals, formerly known as the Montreal Expos. After two years as an American team, the Nats have made it to their first post season since 1933. I would really love for the Nats to play the O’s and for the Nats to win. You have to root for the NL team because the Sox are on the AL league, You can root for any team that plays the Skankees. It is the rule. The saying goes “I have two favorite teams, the _____ and whoever plays the Yankees”.

I am in my element tonight. I have two games tonight and tomorrow I have college football. I usually end up watching football all afternoon and evening. Tomorrow is going to be tough because my two favorite teams, the Buckeyes and the Huskers are playing each other. Who do you root for? Because I have been following the Huskers closer than the Buckeyes, I have to root for Nebraska. Why does this east coast guy root for a Midwest team? Easy. My best college friend is from Nebraska and I got to see them play in 1996 on New Year’s day and was so impressed with them, I just became a fan. Why Ohio? Because I want to go to grad school there. Not like being a fan will make me get into their PhD program, but the Buckeyes have always been winners in my book.