Tag: chronic pain

hectic warm day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Hectic warm day

I slept okay though when I woke up around 7, I was not feeling well. It had been more than 10 hours since my last pain med dose and I was sick. I took my meds and a Zofran as I was really nauseous. I set my alarm to be up a couple of hours later. I didn’t stir when it went off. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I kept hitting the snooze button. Half hour later, I wanted some coffee so reluctantly got up. It was humid in the house. Great.

I made the coffee and it was perfect. I then waited for my groceries to be delivered. They came around noon time. Unfortunately, the gallon of milk that I ordered broke and I had milk all over the bags. I put them away as fast as I could but the heat was working against me. I threw out the bags as they were wet and I knew they would smell. One bag had at least a cup or two of milk so dumped it in the sink. What a mess. I was so tired and my allergies were acting up. I had taken Benadryl last night because they were bad. I hadn’t used the Flonase today. I’ve been forgetting.

My niece came home as she had early release today. I was thinking about going to get my haircut but my allergies were so bad and nasal drip was gagging me. Plus putting the groceries away aggravated my ankle. It was already painful when I got up and I just annoyed it more. If I attempted to walk the block and half to the bus stop, I knew I would pay for it. I just chilled in my room for a bit until I got hungry. I heated up the pulled pork I bought. I had one sandwich. I could barely finish it even though it was so good. I will have the rest maybe tonight.

I had something to eat and then went back up to my room. I was out of breath which is kind of unusual. Since last night, I have been feeling off with my lungs. Post nasal drip has been awful and I keep coughing. Of course by the time this happened, my PCP’s office closed. I went to the walk in that is up the street next to the Walgreens and I am glad I went. I have bronchitis. The doctor put me on an antibiotic and two inhalers, one I take urgently and one every day twice a day. I feel okay otherwise, no fevers or chills. I hope that I will feel better soon. I thought it was just bad allergy season. On the way home, my ankle buckled and I had to stop for a bit to recover. Stupid ankle. It is really humid and I was soaked with sweat by the time I came home. My brother in law doesn’t have time to put in the AC tonight. I just hope it’s by this weekend as the temps are supposed to be ridiculous for May.

I am so exhausted. I am listening to the ball game right now. Celtics (basketball) are playing tonight. It’s a do or die game. I think they start in about 45 minutes from now. I just hope I can sleep tonight.

day three of depression

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Day three of depression

I slept okay as someone with chronic pain does. My med alarm woke me up so I took my pain meds and my BP pill. I didn’t record it or set my alarm for my next dose of pain meds. I just went back to sleep and had whacky dreams. It was around noon when I looked at the clock. Still too early to take my meds. I didn’t have too many messages on my phone though someone called me. It wasn’t a number I recognized and they didn’t leave a message. My sister sent me a pic of the tix for tonight. I am looking forward to the movie tonight. I just feel so blah

I made a sandwich as I probably should eat something and then I showered. It was still hot and humid. When I came back to my room, my foot felt ice cold. I stuck it under the blankets. I am still debating on putting on my thermal socks. But I don’t feel like doing any of that.

I hope my sisters and I eat out tonight. I think that will be good. But I don’t know. We might order something at home or just eat because we will order junk at the theater. I really want popcorn. I love movie theater popcorn. Nothing compares to it, not even the microwave kind. I did buy the Orville Redenbacher’s popcorn that already has its own bowl. I was going to have that last night if I watched the game with my nephew. But I wasn’t feeling up to it. The Celtics lost. I knew they would be coming back to Boston.

My groceries will be coming tomorrow. I feel like going to Walgreens to get a Starbucks mocha coffee that is premade but I honestly am having a hard time moving. I am getting hungry so I think I am going to have a pizza.

really crappy Monday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, psychache, suicide

Really crappy Monday

I didn’t think I was going to write today. Pain has been up and down all day. I went out but didn’t stay out too long. I just went to the post office to mail my postcards. I took my meds early and then tried to settle down but my mood changed real quick to suicidality. I put some more thought into my plan. And my blog. I think I am going to have a day off and it will be Monday, unless I feel like writing that day.

I had another rough night of pain. It was in three places. By 1 am, I was just taking pills left and right. I didn’t care. I didn’t do anything to cause myself harm. But I was just counting down the minutes to my next dose. How is this living?? I swore I was going to call my pain doc but I was so set on just going to the post office today, that I just forgot. I basically just woke up, used the bathroom, got dressed and caught the bus. I had to come back to the house though because I forgot my wallet. I nearly knocked over the fake plants in the stairway as I had my backpack on. I didn’t think to take it off. I was just so focused to get this one thing done and then come back home. It totally exhausted me. I was supposed to watch the basketball game tonight with my nephew but I told him I couldn’t. I hurt too much, physically and mentally.

My mother made stir fry but over cooked everything. I didn’t like it. I ate some of it because I wanted the rice to help my bowels. They have been loose today for some reason. I didn’t hold the senna so I can only imagine what tomorrow is going to be like. I ordered my groceries in my midnight wonderings. They will be delivered sometime on Wednesday. I will have the pulled pork again with Portuguese rolls. Least I hope I will. I hope the driver isn’t late like he was last month.

I hate being so damn tired and can’t sleep. Trump royally pissed me off. I’m getting the slight feeling he had something to do with 9/11. There is absolutely no way to prove it though. Could just be my crazy pain driven mind. There was just something I read today that had me thinking about it. I won’t say what as the stuff it out there. He is more concerned about his fucking hotels than the US government. Typical tyrant. Can’t wait till they take him away, in cuffs. Mueller has to work quickly but I understand that he wants (like the rest of us that aren’t drinking his Fox kool aid) a solid case that won’t be shattered. I doubt I will be alive for it to happen. I feel so suicidal today and can’t really talk about it because people can’t hear me out without freaking out. I am sure just saying the “S” word has already panicked some readers.

If some whacko didn’t call the cops on me a few years ago, I could freely talk about how I feel. Now I feel scared to do so. Now I just write offline or in password protected posts, which I do so rarely. Psychache is hurting so bad today, worst than my worst CRPS pain. I have no idea why today is so bad. It just hit me all at once while I was trying to nap. I think I am just so tired of feeling miserable and not being able to do a damn thing about it. I canceled therapy and my therapist doesn’t care. He doesn’t question why I cancel like my past therapists have. My psychiatrist never responded to my email about meeting after she canceled on me last week. I am tired of putting in the effort and not seeing results. I am better off doing things on my own anyways. There are a lot of self help things online. It can be overwhelming when you feel like crap. Today I did my one thing (going to the post office and having something to eat with my espresso). That was enough for me today. Now I can crash. I wish I could do more but that was enough. My sister bought tickets for a movie that I really want to see, a comedy called The Book Club. We are going to see it tomorrow night. I think that will be good. I haven’t laughed in a really long time, other than the funny dog or cat videos I see. I can’t remember the last movie I saw, probably the Rim. I really want to see Jurassic World. I think it is out sometime next month. I have seen two of the three Jurassic movies. I like them. I wanted to buy the trilogy but it sold out before I could buy it. I am sure Amazon will have it again.

Sunday Blog about nothing 20 May 2018

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, painsomnia

Sunday Blog about nothing 20 May 2018

Just finished a cup Earl Grey tea. Had another crappy night of sleeping so when I woke up after 1300 and decided McDonald’s were in order. I had to have chicken nuggets. The order was delivered quicker than the other day. I liked what I ordered this time, just my favorites.

I woke up feeling crummy. My alarm for my pain meds went off and I think I shut off the alarm but didn’t take my meds. Oops. I couldn’t help it. My mother woke me up a little before 8 to put her socks on. I was really exhausted with this interruption in my sleep. I listened to the ball game. I was watching some of it but it was so humid and I had to go to Walgreens to get some antacid. One of my meds or maybe a combination, is giving me indigestion. I will hold the Zoloft tonight and see if that does anything. I hope I don’t have to stop taking it. My mood is already flimsy at best and I think it helps me cope better than without it.

When I came back from the store, I listened to the rest of the game. Sox won 5-0. JD Martinez hit two home runs. I lost how many games he and Betts have homered twice in a game. Both are tied for most homeruns in the MLB at 15. We are still fricken tied for 1st place with the snakes. Sox are off tomorrow so that sucks. They are going to Tampa Bay to play the Rays. I so dislike that team and park. So fricken loud. Supposedly, they will be building a new stadium somewhere else but it won’t be this season. I don’t remember when the building starts.

I haven’t had a chance to fill my med box for the week so will do that after I finish this blog. I got my postcards ready for the post office. Now I hope I can go there tomorrow. If I do, I will go to Starbucks too. All depends on how tonight goes and if my mother wakes me up early. I am glad she is wearing the socks because they are helping her but getting up to do it after you only slept a little while sucks.

I couldn’t believe how humid it was today. So ridiculous. I hate it and Friday when I go to the game is going to be 82. I am glad we will have good weather but still. I am not a heat person. I hope I can have my brother in law put in the AC and screen this week. I will text him tomorrow. I forgot to ask him when I went downstairs.