Tag: cooking

Out of spoons by the time I had the pan on the stove

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Out of spoons by the time I had the pan on the stove

My rough day continues. I made my coffee and then started preparing for the sauce/dirty gravy. I went to Walgreens for my scripts, leaving my coffee behind. It was still hot by the time I came back. I prepared the garlic, put oil in the pot, and then added the garlic. While that was going on, I tried opening the cans of tomatoes. I forgot the can opener was broken. I had to go back to Walgreens to buy a new one. By this time, the mugginess had gotten worse after the rain. I was a hot mess by the time I came back to the kitchen. I was out of spoons and I didn’t even start what I set out to do.

I sat down and rested for a few minutes, trying to drink my coffee. I had shut off the gas to the pan so I didn’t have to worry about burning the garlic. I still had my sneakers on as I didn’t want to go up to my room to take them off. After a while, my little toe on my good foot started hurting. Fucking A. I took them off, but left them by the stairs.

I opened the cans of tomatoes after the garlic browned a bit. Then I put them in the pan. Then I added a can and half of water. I also started putting in my spices and pepper. I added a half teaspoon of sugar and then stirred. I let it come to a boil. Next was to cook the beef. I didn’t want to wait an hour for the sauce to cook first. It would still taste the same. I cooked the beef, breaking it into little pieces as it cooked. Then the tomatoes came to a boil and I let it boil for about five minutes. In between, I was sitting down, resting my ankle. I had my music playing.

The beef was cooked and then I simmered the sauce on low heat. It was already starting to smell so good. I love the smell of gravy. Hint to anyone that makes candles, the scent would be awesome as a candle!! It just means home to me. I was letting the sauce cook as the beef was cooling. After about an hour, I put the beef into the sauce. I waited another 45 minutes or so and then it was done. Time to cook the pasta!

I made penne pasta and had two bowls. It was so good! Then I went up to my room to freeze my ass off. I was dead tired. A friend of mine started texting me so I talked with her for a bit. Then I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore and took a nap. Now I am feeling MORE tired and weak. I absolutely have no energy left to put the gravy away in containers or clean up. My mother made a salad for suppah. Guess she didn’t want to cook. It’s so hot in the kitchen. Least with me going in the hosp, I will be surrounded by AC. I will bring my long sleeve shirt with me just in case I get cold but I love the cold anyway.

For some reason, my good foot is hurting me. It’s throbbing really bad. I thought sleeping would make it better but it didn’t. I took some Advil hoping that will calm whatever it is down. I might have slightly twisted it while walking in the rain this morning. I need to get new sneakers that are more supportive and comfortable. I just hope it’s gone by tomorrow. I am sure cooking for a few hours didn’t help it.

Sunday Blog 26

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Blog 26

I did a lot today. I started the day off with a much needed shower. That wiped me out but I couldn’t rest because I had to visit my aunt. Seeing her was difficult as she was easily confused and kept asking for her son (my cousin). She wanted to talk to him so I called him on my phone. She was asking where he was and when he was going to visit her. This was the first time seeing her in this state and it was heartbreaking. We left after the phone call as she was tired and needed a nap.

We had a long ride back home as there was traffic. I still had to cook my sauce. It took about two hours to be ready. I am glad because I was starving as I didn’t have lunch. By the time I was done making the sauce and cooking the pasta, I was toast. I was so exhausted I barely could move. My mother ended up cleaning up as I could barely stand. My foot was screaming at me.

I didn’t have a good sleep as I again woke up around 0400 after falling asleep around 2. I am really sick of waking up before 6. I need to nap because I am hurting so much. I filled my pill box last night so I am set to take my meds for the week. I am glad I did it because I am wicked tired and to fill the box right now would be a joke. I would just take this or that and say the hell with the rest of my meds.

I made the mistake of telling my sister I was making sauce. Now she wants some. She was complaining the whole time she was having pasta. No salt in the dish. I should have made it with peppers and onions. Blah blah blah. I was like next time you make it the way you want it. I make things the way I like it. My mother even complained there was no salt. I never use salt when cooking. I think things are over salted and it sucks. I like things plain and will use pepper before I reach for the salt. I thought the pasta and sauce came out really good, though the pasta could have been cooked a little more. I was cooking a pasta I don’t normally cook so it was difficult to tell when it was done. I will know for next time.

A sleepy and painful day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

A sleepy and painful day

I woke up around 0330 with my ankle in agony. This is the first time in a long while that pain woke me up from a sound sleep. I took my meds and couldn’t settle down. Then I got my second wind so decided to take some Ativan to get back to sleep. I didn’t fall back to sleep till around 0700 or so.

My mother was visiting my aunt and called me a few times while I was sleeping. This interrupted sleep really made me groggy. I finally got up around 1100 and made pancakes. They were good. I wanted to do the dishes but I felt tired so I went back to sleep. I slept on and off for the next couple of hours until my niece came home from school. I let her in and she went downstairs. It was around 1500 and I still didn’t get a call from my PCP’s office about my prescription. I called and they now have it ready for me.

The therapist I called yesterday called me back. He isn’t taking anyone new. I kind of figured as much. Seems every therapist I call isn’t taking new clients. He told me to go to Psychology Today’s website to find someone. I said thanks and hung up. I felt defeated. There is one more place I can call before I totally give up hope. I will call tomorrow.

I got a big headache when I went back to bed after I let my niece in. My head just felt so damn heavy I didn’t want to move. My ankle was acting up again so I took some more pain meds and some headache medicine. After more than an hour, I still have the headache and no energy. My mother thinks I sleep all the time. I have tried telling her that I don’t but she doesn’t believe me. I give up. Let her think what she wants. I made a cup of tea and did the dishes in the sink while the water was on to boil. I didn’t make coffee today because I didn’t feel like having it.

The pancakes have made me so full that I haven’t eaten anything else today. I am not hungry, yet. I still feel groggy and weighed down. I should have stayed up rather than go back to sleep again. I’m going to try and take a shower later but I don’t know as my foot/ankle are really hurting. If not, I can always take it tomorrow morning. I have a few errands that need to done tomorrow so I hope I wake up before 10.

Looks like ibuprofen and tea helped my headache. I still feel kind of tired. I hope I don’t wake up in the wee hours of the morning again, though usually on pay day I do. If I do, I will order my groceries before the website goes down for a few hours. I would like an early morning time for delivery on Thursday. This way here, I can make my Shepard’s pie for dinner that night. I plan on cooking meats and stuff the next few days. I want to make my “dirty” gravy so I can have it with penne pasta. Gravy is just the Italian version of a tomato sauce. I don’t know why we call it gravy but we do. I also plan on making my Nantucket cranberry cake. I want to use up the cranberries that I have in the freezer. I love this cake. I plan on making it next week so I can bring some to my psychiatrist when I see her on Friday. If there is gravy left over, I will also give her some. Usually my gravy disappears because my family loves it so much. I don’t plan on making a big batch as I only bought a pound of beef. I might add meatballs but that might over do it. I also bought steak so I will have that one night. I will be a cooking machine next week. Hope my ankle can keep up!

Cooking and Baking Pumpkin Goodies and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, suicide

Cooking and Baking Pumpkin Goodies and other things

One thing I love about Facebook is that people share recipes of all kinds. I have found some really good pumpkin recipes over the last two years. One is a “Better than Sex Pumpkin Cake”. The first time I had it, I must have eaten half of it and made myself sick. I couldn’t eat anything pumpkin for a while. It was so damn good, I couldn’t stop myself, even without the cool whip on top. I was going through my “memory” thing and I found this recipe again and have decided to make it again next weekend when I have all the ingredients. You are supposed to put like caramel sauce and Heath bar bits in it but I found it scrumptious without that stuff. Just having the sweetened condensed milk on top was sweet enough.

I also am going to make my pumpkin cupcakes again. This time I will share them with my therapist so they don’t go to waste. I am the only pumpkin eater, so to speak, in my house and I can’t eat all of them. My brother in law likes pumpkin too but he doesn’t like sweets so he’ll have just one or two and that will leave me with the rest of the batch.

I also will be buying some pie crusts so I can make pumpkin pie. This time I will remember to put sugar in it! My first time making it, I forgot. It didn’t taste that great. I thought the condensed milk would be sweet enough but I was wrong. Live and learn!

I really love baking more than I like cooking, but I hate clean up. If I didn’t have to clean up after I baked or cooked something, I probably would do it more. I guess it’s good that my mother cooks dinner because otherwise, I don’t think I would eat supper. I probably would stick with the basics of a sandwich of some kind or hot dogs.

Hot water heater update: I found out that my brother in law is waiting for a part to come in and that is why we still have no hot water. Why the hell he just didn’t go to Home Depot to get this part is beyond me. I really need to take a shower as it’s been almost a week since I last took one. I feel disgusting. Doesn’t help that it’s muggy out so when I leave my room, I sweat. I plan on trying to take a shower tomorrow morning at my sister’s. I will take my cell with me just in case something happens. I really want to go out tomorrow. I am craving espresso with soy milk, and a burrito. Thursday, I am to meet up with a friend for coffee at Starbucks. I really can’t wait. I haven’t seen her since a few weeks after my father died. Her husband had died maybe a month or so before my father so both had suffered losses. We really tried to stay upbeat and we laughed more than we cried. She is a good friend.

Friday I see my psychiatrist. It’s wicked late in the afternoon. It was the only time she had available so I took it. I haven’t really emailed her since telling her about the CBT intake calling me back. I know she might ask me what my date is. I had emailed her the blog posts concerning it. I haven’t even let my therapist know what the date is. It is soon and I am not taking it off until I know the CBT is on or not. It’s my last chance of dealing with the pain. I just hope there isn’t a shit load of paperwork involved but there might be. I might have to grin and bear it. It’s going to be a tough thing to do because I hate the mentality of “if you don’t do this, you aren’t going to get better” attitude.