Tag: physical pain
finally decided to get up
Finally decided to get up
I woke up early this morning, before 0600. I was in pain, like I am now, and took something for it. Then I checked my messages on my phone and FB. I had put on the “do not disturb” on my phone because the T kept on sending me messages last night and it was annoying me. Everything was annoying me last night. Then I had a Twitter rant and someone called my sister saying I was suicidal. WTF. I posted Pearl Jam lyrics for crying out loud! I was so pissed off.
I went back to sleep and just got up now. I didn’t want to but I had to pee. It was either use the bathroom or my bed so I chose the bathroom. I’m not doing much today. I just don’t care. I am in a rotten mood. My mother made cake last night and wrecked it so she is making another one. I had a few slices so that cheered me up some. I told her not to throw it away. She said she knows I will eat it. HEHEHE I love cake, especially yellow cake. That is what she is making for my birthday.
I am supposed to get my other protein shakes today but they haven’t been delivered yet. I can’t wait to try it. I hope it tastes good. I put off the diet for another week because I am craving ribs and want them before I diet. I also got a chicken recipe I want to try. It’s called “No Peek Chicken”. I don’t know why it’s called that. Probably because you don’t look at it while it’s cooking. It’s just a chicken and rice recipe. I hope it comes out good. I usually don’t have luck when it comes to making rice.
My mother made my favorite for supper, mac and cheese. I really wanted it. She said she was going to make Pasta Roni so I am glad she didn’t. It cheered me up some. Then she asked if I could vacuum the living and dining room. I told her I would do it tomorrow morning. I am in too much pain right now, even though I took my pain meds.
I got a Christmas card from a dear friend of mine today. That also cheered me up some because she always gets the right card to say what I mean to her. Years ago, there used to be a card company called Blue Mountain that had sentimental cards. I always picked one that was just right. They no longer sell it in drug stores. I think it’s just at Hallmark stores, which are one in a few around here. I haven’t been to a mall in years. I don’t like shopping much and what I need, I can get online. I found it funny that Walgreens sent me a special for my birthday. I had to spend at least $1 to get 50 points for their rewards program. Forget it. I do miss shopping at Target though.
Even though I slept most of the day, I am really tired. I think being in pain just wears you out. I wanted to go to Starbucks today but never found the energy to go. Another friend of mine who I told about the socks bothering me, was asking what kind of sock I wear. They have been the same kind of socks for the past several months. It’s only just recently that taking them off is bothering me. And it’s sometimes, not all the time. I will answer her email later. We write nearly every other day or every few days. She lives south of Boston and we have seen each other a few times via the commuter rail. She has since moved to another area so I am not sure we will be seeing each other as she isn’t close to the rail line anymore. She is a good friend.
It’s been a whole week that I haven’t had therapy. Next week my therapist is on vacation. So is my psychiatrist. I can email my psych if I need to. I won’t be having any contact with my therapist, not for the next two weeks anyways. It is strange not having anyone to talk to in that capacity after all this time. It’s the longest break we have had in some time.
wired as the pain comes back
Wired as the pain comes back
I felt crappy this morning. Ankle was hurting so I took some pills. I waited till my mother left the house so the house would be mine and quiet as I made breakfast once the pain settled down. She left and so did my pain a few minutes later. I made my breakfast and was feeling pretty good that I was somewhat pain free.
I came back to my room and I had just enough time to catch the next bus to the Square to get espresso. I made it and had six shots of espresso. I got loaded off caffeine. Four shots weren’t doing it so I added two more. That did it and my heart was racing. It felt pretty good. I went to Walgreens on the way home to pick up my meds and avoided the ramp that usually hurts my ankle. Didn’t matter though. My ankle decided it was going to start up again. Meds had apparently wore off by this point.
I came back to my room and got undressed. I took off my sock as carefully as I could and it didn’t matter. My fucking foot exploded. Dammit! My bladder said it had to go so I had to go downstairs. Fuck. I went to the bathroom and washed my hands. I kind of always do after using public transportation to avoid getting sick. My mother made spinach and I had some then told my mother I was going to be in a drug haze as my foot flared up again. She wanted me to call the doctor and I said yeah, whatever. My foot is becoming more sensitive and I know no doctor can tell me why. Just the way the pain syndrome goes I guess. I didn’t have any injury to my foot, not recently anyways. There is no bruising or discoloration. It just hurts like a SOB for no goddamn reason. I have thermal socks on now because my feet were cold after taking off my regular socks. My mother said that I should have left my socks on. I hate wearing socks that I wear out in the house. It just goes against my grain.
Now my bowels are screaming at me so I will have to go back downstairs again soon. I’m not surprised given the amount of caffeine I had. I hope I am productive with this amount of caffeination. But I know my strong pain pill will damper my wired self down a few notches. I was writing in my journal that I wanted to take my laptop to Starbucks tomorrow to write some thing from the Daily Word Prompts from WordPress. I have a whole bunch of them that I have saved. I think it would be better to write on the laptop than writing in a notebook and then typing up what I wrote. Just is more work for me, but sometimes, handwriting is better because there is free flow. I don’t know how I am going to feel tomorrow so it is on the back burner for now.
A Grumpy Painful Monday
A grumpy painful Monday
I woke up a few times during the night. My ankle was not letting up any, so with the passing hours, I just took more pain meds. I have been in bed all day. I managed to brush my teeth when I went to the bathroom this morning. That has been the extent of my activities today. I haven’t eaten anything because I just am not hungry. I just want to be left alone and sleep. My mother called me twice. The first time I let it go to voicemail. I had to pick up the second time or she would come to my room and I didn’t want her to. She has a hard time getting up the stairs. She wanted me to have dinner but I told her I wasn’t hungry. She made dinner anyway and when it was finished, she called me. I still didn’t change my mind. The only thing I want to eat is my pumpkin cake and maybe a protein shake.
I am in a really grumpy mood because I shouldn’t be in pain. I have done everything to control the pain but I still continue to hurt. It’s not severe pain but just an annoying pain. The depression that I feel doesn’t want to make me get out of bed. I feel bad. One of my friends tried talking to me yesterday and I ignored her messages. Today she tried again and I just told her bluntly, I wasn’t in the mood to talk. I was in pain and I just wanted to hibernate. She understood. I told her when I felt up to it, I would be in contact with her again.
I need a shower. But I don’t feel like taking one. I also haven’t moved my bowels. Now we are getting to the danger zone because the last time I went was last Wednesday. I know that is partly why I have no appetite. I have been taking fiber pills but not moving around any isn’t helping either. I emailed my psych about this and haven’t heard back from her.
I wanted to do a few errands today but that didn’t happen. I still have my prescription at the pharmacy I haven’t picked up yet. I also wanted to get a burrito. Guess that will have to wait till tomorrow. I never called the dentist either and it’s too late now. I am just so wiped out from being in pain the last few days that I just don’t want to do a damn thing. I just want to keep popping pills until I get relief but that isn’t going to work. Be great if it did, but I doubt it would.
I wanted to drop off the last piece of pumpkin cake to my psychiatrist today. Now that piece is going in my belly not hers. Oh well. I will make the cake again as it is a favorite of mine. I have to place a grocery order in soon. I won’t order that much stuff because I will be dieting, starting next week. I haven’t told my mother yet but I will sometime this week. I think she won’t like it but I don’t care. I just want to see if I can do it.
midnightdemons7 
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