Tag: suicide
an upsetting chat
An upsetting chat
Nathaan Demers @Doc_Demers 3h3 hours ago
We need protocols in primary care regarding MH & suicidal ideation. We flag pt records for med conditions- lets do the same for MH. #spsm
I came across this statement while going through the SPSM chat that goes on every Sunday on Twitter. What I find upsetting is that these suicide preventionists don’t realize that suicide and suicidal thinking are time limited. People who think of this in time of extreme distress are not going to think about it down the line. Now if they make an attempt, that is a different matter.
The way I see it, you can let the medical providers know that the patient has mental health issues. I am for that. But telling them they have suicidal ideation that won’t go on like pneumonia is just foolish. Sure you can document that the person had ideation but for what? So that some idiot insurance policy can deny claims because they were going through a tough patch and wanted to get out of it? To me, that is just perpetuating the stigma of suicide. If the patient attempted suicide, then that is cause for concern because the best indicator that we have right now is survived attempts leading to a death by suicide.
This isn’t the first chat that has called for the medical providers and mental health professionals to be working together. But once you place it in the patient’s chart, it’s there forever. You can’t erase it. More thought needs to go into this before I feel comfortable about my own thoughts going into my medical record. We’re not talking about a deathly reaction to penicillin. Those kind of things should of course be documented at every medical visit.
But passing suicidal thoughts that were thought of last week or last month or even ten years ago? Everyone has these thoughts. Not all go through with them. It’s the attempts that should be documented not the ideas if we want to save a life. Granted patients might be ashamed or embarrassed to bring up a failed attempt but it should be asked about. And again, this should all be done with dignity and respect and compassion. It shouldn’t be hurried and passed over once talked about. It should also be respected about the time. If the patient is currently have these thoughts they should be addressed. If it happened ten years ago and the patient is stable, then in my opinion, it should be documented but not be hounded and beaten to death. The crisis is over and dealt with. It’s what is going on now in the patient’s life that should matter, not the long ago past.
Just a lazy Friday
Just a lazy Friday
I woke up around 8 this morning and used the bathroom. I then went back to sleep only to wake up around 1300. I made some coffee and reheated some Lo Mein. That was all that my foot needed to explode. I was going to make my pumpkin cake today but I am not, even though it’s an easy recipe. I just don’t want to exert myself and then be toast tomorrow. I really want to go to the party tomorrow night. I am just going to try and rest today and stay off my foot as much as possible.
It’s raining today so I guess that is a good thing as I planned on killing myself today. I guess my time isn’t up yet. I am feeling pretty sad at this and angry. My therapist texted me last night. I told her to give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill myself and she gave me a couple. She said that I was worthwhile and valuable. Then the voices in my head started calling me a turd and a shithead. So I went to sleep with that in my head.
I wanted to work on my book but I am getting drowsy from the pain meds. I thought the coffee I had would offset the side effects but I was wrong. I don’t really care. I am listening to country radio and thinking of my friend. I feel sad knowing that she is gone. Her daughters are devastated. I can only imagine how her husband of 40 years feels. He is doing some running thing in DC. He is running in her honor.
I am feel really low. I also feel defeated, like something has been taken from me and I can’t get it back. I really don’t want to be anymore. If the weather was better, I might have still gone through with my plan. It just gives me another opportunity at another point in time. I feel risky because I can do it at any time. I don’t have to have a date. I just need to “snap” and have it be a nice day out. Of course, winter is on it’s way so there aren’t going to be that many nice days left. Birthday Month is coming up. I don’t know how I am going to handle all of this. I just don’t want to live anymore.
therapy, groceries, and other things
Therapy Groceries and other things
I had therapy today. We talked in depth about my suicidality. She reiterated that she cares for me and I could tell by her voice she wasn’t shitting me. I think she got all choked up when she thought she would have to inform my psychiatrist that I was gone. I would leave it up to the authorities to do that job. I am meeting with her in person tomorrow. I just got paid and after all is said and done, I am broke again.
She did most of the talking because her anxiety was up. We talked about my plan and she did talk me out of it. I told her I would get rid of the pills, but I am not going to. She might take the gun away (the plan) but I am keeping the bullets. Besides, there is no way I can walk to my destination so I need another one. Crisis averted. I feel like an asshole now.
After therapy, I had some of the left over Chinese food that I ordered. And then I left for the Square for Starbucks and a haircut. I was going to grow my hair out but I don’t have the patience. I am going to try and grow out the top a little bit so I can style it better. I am glad I have a good barber that I like and makes me feel comfortable. It’s easy talking to him about things.
I came home and I was exhausted. I didn’t think I would be able to stand putting my groceries away when they came. I don’t know how I managed but I did, but I had to take sitting breaks in between. I also had to take some stuff to the basement freezer as ours was just too crammed with stuff. I knew I would as I did order a lot of frozen items. And I found my sauce while I was down there! I was so happy. I thought my sister had swiped it from me. I will take that out Sunday and have it then or Monday, depending on how much thaws out.
I was going to make my pumpkin cake and a cranberry cake. Now, the way I feel, it is not happening. I bought a Boston coffee cake and I will take that to the party on Saturday. I need to rest because tomorrow I will be seeing my therapist so that needs a lot of spoons and frankly, just getting up uses quite a few and that doesn’t even include washing up and brushing my teeth. Some days it takes all I have to go to the bathroom. I try to do all the downstairs activities while I am there but lately, I just want to crawl back to bed and stay there for an eternity. If I do manage to go out, washing up and brushing my teeth doesn’t happen.
I haven’t had dinner yet. I have a burger that must be cooked or it will be wasted. But I am too tired to cook right now. I hope I have some energy Friday so maybe I can at least make the cranberry cake. I have been dying to make it for a week now. Only thing that I need to do tonight, other than eating, is taking a shower to wash my hair out. If I don’t have energy for the shower, I might use the kitchen sink. It will all depend on how I feel.
midnightdemons7 
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