Tag: writing

Sunday with no (Pats) football

by Midnight Demon, posted in bipolar, blogging, chronic physical pain

My Pats aren’t playing today. I have to wait till Saturday. Boo. So I went to my father’s to do his medication for the week. I still don’t think he is taking his meds, and I yelled at him today for not taking his water pill every day. It’s one thing to miss one pill, but a whole week? That is just not acceptable! I know I am not 100% compliant with my meds, there are days that I don’t take all my 12 pills a day but that is ONE day, not 6! I know the consequences of not taking my medication. Unfortunately, my father doesn’t.

I have been slowly blocking people on Facebook that are my gamer friends because they are annoying as all hell. They play the game religiously and if you “cheat” they tell on you, like you did something dreadfully wrong. Personally, I don’t know how you can “cheat” with this game, unless you buy horseshoes to advance in the missions. But then, it’s their money and who am I to say what to do with it. So this person I just blocked because he kept on divulging the “cheaters”. I also blocked people that said they played the game but haven’t in more than a month. I play this game when I can. And now they have a timed mission that you have to plant crops that are 12 hours to harvest. The game gives you two weeks to complete the mission. In addition to the crops, there are some other things you have to complete that I know is going to take longer than 2 weeks. But I play because I like the challenge. I am not working, nor do I have to worry about short timed crops because for the next two weeks I will just have longer timed crops.

Which should leave me plenty of time to work on this blog that I am slowly picking away at. Right now I don’t think it makes much sense. I got the bibliography done the other night. Now I just need to write up my notes and I think I will have a paper. The hardest thing about this is that there is so much information that I am trying to condense into a smaller portion of so people can look at the book for more information. I have started with the history and moved to the theory and then the assessment tool. It is a little overwhelming to me as I have not done something like this in quite some time. I feel like I am writing an essay for a group of professors that might reject it (my Twitter audience).

My mood has been up and down since coming home from my father’s. I really want to drink but I know that won’t solve anything. My ankle just exploded after I cooked my dinner. I think I stood too long between waiting for the bus and then cooking just pushed it to the limits. I fucking hate not being able to stand for any length of time. I don’t see how physical therapy is going to help me. I am just so pissed off that the therapist canceled and I didn’t get a rescheduled appointment. I was just told to wait two weeks. GGRRRR. I just had enough of being in pain, every single day. It’s really wearing me out. I have no energy to fight it anymore. I just pop some pills and continue doing whatever I am doing until the side effects knock me out. You would think that after being on the same medication for years you would be immune to side effects but nope. Not happening. Drives me fucking nuts.

CAMS preview

by Midnight Demon, posted in bipolar, blogging, depression, mental disorders, mental illness, mood disorders, psychology, psychosis, suicidality, suicide, suicide attempt, suicide attempt survivor

Jobes

For those wondering, here is what a future blog post of CAMS is about. I will be writing more about this and the SSF in greater detail.

Ohio State Wins Sugar Bowl!!

by Midnight Demon, posted in chronic physical pain, depression

Ohio State Wins Sugar Bowl!!

I didn’t write yesterday because I was so sleepy. I was only to up enough to watch part of the 3rd and 4th quarter of the OSU game. I saw the INT Bama threw that lead to a touchdown. I knew they were going to win then. This team is unbelievable. They beat the #1 seed in college football. I love them! I will be getting an OSU hat next month when my check comes in. I need it.

I don’t know if I will be going out today. I woke up with pain, not horrendous but enough to wake me up. And now my stomach is playing rolly polly. I feel so sick. I hardly ate anything yesterday, just a ham sandwich. Then I ate around midnight when I was watching the game. I had a bowl of cereal and then a bagel. I also had some chocolate. I think the chocolate is what is upsetting my stomach. I had some the other morning and for some reason, I got really sick after I ate it. It’s German chocolate, from Germany, that my friend gave me for Christmas when I saw her the other night. Chocolate has never caused me to feel sick, ever! I hope I am not getting a stomach bug. That would be terrible.

Four days till I talk to my therapist. I can’t wait. We have much to discuss and catch up on. I feel like it has been ages since we last talked but it has only been a week. I have been writing her letters which I hope to send out today. I just hope my stomach settles down. I also want to work on the blog thingy about the SSF and CAMS. I wrote to my therapist about the difficulties I have been having with this blog. I think I am putting too much pressure on myself because I want it to be liked by the mental health professionals that follow me on Twitter. I value their opinion very seriously. I think that is why I have been having a hard time writing. It’s because I don’t know what they are going to think that is bothering me. But I haven’t written anything so what is there to judge!? I think I am just stressing myself out for no reason. Once I have the paper written, then I can freak out. I just wish I could have the first sentence written so I can start the damn thing.

I need to take a shower today. I don’t know when it will be but I do need one. I can’t remember the last time I showered, which is a good reason to take one! I brushed my teeth yesterday. I changed my toothbrushes but even though they say “soft”, they feel hard. I might have to buy new ones.

It’s cold out, like 33 degrees but it feels like 28. I hate the cold, only because it can cause cramps in my back. I will be waiting for the bus for at least twenty minutes. That is a long time in the cold. I guess I will wear my Georgetown hoodie with my jacket. If I knew where I put my OSU hoodie, I would wear that, especially since they won last night. I don’t remember when I last wore it so it could be anywhere, in my office or in my room. Those are the only two places it could be. I haven’t seen it in my room so most likely it is in a pile of clothes in my office. One of these days, I will organize my clothes and hang them up and put it in the closet.

Today is a regular business day so the buses should be running on weekday schedule. I really don’t feel like having a latte though. Maybe I will make some chamomile tea before I leave the house. It is still early to be going to Starbucks. I have been up for two hours, playing my game and writing this blog.

I think I am depressed because I slept all day yesterday. I was just so damn sleepy. But then, I really didn’t sleep well the night before. I kept having to go to the bathroom every couple of hours, either to do #1 or #2. I didn’t even take anything so I don’t know why I was going at the wee hours of the morning. But when you got to go, you got to go!

I am so happy OSU won. I think there is one more championship game next week they will play. I don’t know if it is a bowl game or not. But I will find out soon enough.

Happy New Year’s Eve 2015

by Midnight Demon, posted in chronic physical pain, depression

Happy New Year’s Eve 2015

If I said that I was going to work on my blog thingy today, that would be a mistake. I woke up really early because of pain and couldn’t go back to sleep until the afternoon. When I woke up, it was time for my sister’s party. I feel like I am getting no where with this. So I am just going to read about the civil war until something comes to me. I asked my writing partner about this and she told me to “marinate” so that is what I am going to do. If it doesn’t get done this week, it doesn’t get done.

I made a brief appearance at the party. I had some food, some alcohol, and then my ankle said goodnight. I had been standing on it for almost three hours. I couldn’t sit because there was really no place to sit. It was a full house to say the least. I talked with my various cousins about different things. Talked with my uncle and aunt about my pain issues and PT. Then the crown that I was drinking and my ankle had enough. It was also a million degrees in the house. My crazy sister was wearing a sleeveless shirt or dress then put on a fleece jacket as I am sweating bullets. I was like, you got to be kidding me! She was cold! In the HOT house! I couldn’t believe it. She is whacked. Now I am in my room and it is chilly. But I am still very tired and my pillow is calling me. I wish I could say that it was the alcohol, and it probably is, but I think being up at 0530 has something to do with it too. I hate that my sleep is still fucked up.

It’s still some time before midnight. I still haven’t taken my meds, but then I haven’t finished my crown either. I haven’t had that much. Just a little over a shot, so far. I have about half a shot left in my glass. I miss drinking crown. I used to drink it all the time. But I drank the last of it quite some time ago and just haven’t been to the liquor store to buy more. But then, I also haven’t had the extra cash to get it either. I do have gin, though.

I was talking with one of my cousins tonight about my book. He was more interested in the marketing of the book than the subject matter. He didn’t seem impressed that I published a book. Oh well, can’t please everyone. I have been surprised that I have been able to keep this from my father all this time. If he does know, he hasn’t mentioned it to me. But then he is so self absorbed that I doubt I am on his radar.

Hope you all have a Happy New Year and that 2015 is better than this one.