What you see is what you get

What you see is what you get I saw this on Instagram and had to share it. It was so funny to me. I made breakfast this morning and then my mother wanted me to go downstairs for some ingredients so she could make something. As I was going leaving my apartment to go to my sisters, I tripped on the mat that was by the door. Fucking thing flared up my foot and ankle because it had to be my CRPS limb. My right one is a little sprained. I talked with my PT and she did say to start off slow and then increase to tolerance. If that doesn’t work, I am to see my doc and get a PT script to see her. I hope it doesn’t come to that. Last night I was having a hard time with the voices. I did send the text to my therapist but have not heard back. I don’t think I will. I am probably going to get yelled at for sending her the text but I don’t care anymore. If I feel like texting I will and if she responds she does and if she doesn’t fine. I have been trying not to text but sometimes I feel like sharing my emotions with her. Maybe I should just get a notebook and write down what I feel rather than text her. I don’t know. I just have so many emotions that sometimes I can’t handle it and need to let someone know how I am feeling, someone that I know will care and not be judgmental about it. I just showered and shaved. It felt good. I feel a little bit better now that I am clean. I am kind of worried though because I cathed before showering and there was a little blood clot in the stream. I am not sure if it is something to be worried about or not. The urine was clear, not bloody or reddish. I just left a message with the clinic nurse. I hope I don’t have to go into town today. I really am not up for it. My right ankle is swollen as I think I sprained or strained it again. I have been trying to rest it as much as possible but the agitation from the voices doesn’t keep me still enough to rest. The voices are quiet and I am just hearing my regular voices. I still have my reading voice so that is good. I did take an increase in the Invega this morning and a PRN of perphenazine. It is helping to keep me calm. The eczema around my eyes are back because of the cold dry weather we are having. The shower water stung my eyes so bad so I just put in the lotion I am supposed to use. I will use it the next few days to calm it down. I hate the dry skin under my lids as it looks like eye crud. My right ankle is all swollen. It is my “good” one. I have to start doing the home PT exercises that I was taught last year when I sprained it. Just hope I don’t have to go back to PT. That will be such a PITA. I was talking to a writer friend about this paper that I am writing. I started off with good intentions and then it all went to crap. I asked what to do to fix it and she said to start over. Fuck. I think I will use some of what I written in a copy and paste thing because there were some good points I wrote. I don’t know if this will be a good paper as I am struggling with it a lot. Not sure it will be a blog or not. I haven’t decided what to do with it. But it has to be written first. So it is back to the drawing room, I guess.