evermore

Evermore

I resonate with this song evermore by Taylor Swift. I have it on repeat because the song was stuck in my head. This song is the first one of hers that means something to me. I think it is because of the line “I had a feeling so peculiar. This pain wouldn’t be for evermore”. There is also a line about dog days which is a symbol of depression. This song means so much to me.

I’ve been up since 0630 since my bladder decided it was going to burst if I didn’t go to the bathroom. I still had trouble emptying my bladder when it is that full. I am pretty tired. I went to groups this morning. The last group was on CBT and I was so bored. I couldn’t relate to what was going on so I just played with my phone. I eventually had to get off social media because of the protests in Washington were getting out of hand. I just hope no one dies. My back and ankle are smarting today so I wanted to finish the laundry I started but it isn’t going to happen. I asked my sister to bring up the clothes for me to fold and put away. She still hasn’t done this.

The other day I opened the birthday card my mother gave me and I wished I didn’t. Right in huge letters on the front of the card was “daughter:” It hurt like a knife through my heart. I am still so damn hurt. Her birthday is this weekend and I am thinking of getting her a son card. Of course this means I have to go to Walgreens or CVS to get one. I am sure I will find the “perfect” one.

I am supposed to be finished with the partial program tomorrow but I asked if I could stay on for another couple of weeks. I am waiting to hear back with insurance approval. My regular guy that I see is out this week so I will be seeing someone else. I hope to meet with her tomorrow. I have a second session with my therapist tomorrow morning. Should be interesting as I don’t do well with morning appointments. If I am able to have coffee either before or during session that will be great. I will probably need two cups as I have group afterwards.

I finally ordered a new foam topper for my bed. The one I have is not staying put on my bed and is really annoying me as then the sheets become undone. I’ve been wanting to get a new one for a while but logistically couldn’t work it out. Now that my room is a little more clearer, I can do it.

I am so tired yet it’s only 1830. I don’t want to take a nap now because it will throw my sleep off more than it already is. I’ve been up so early and it sucks. I just hope that I don’t get over tired. That is the worst and I usually end up with insomnia after it. I need to get up early so I can’t afford a night of losing sleep.