shower and a shave

Shower and shave

I need to shave my head and shower today. I am getting very stinky. I should trim my armpit hair. I haven’t done it in a while. It just grows so damn fast, like the hair on my head. I am really congested today with allergies. Today is supposed to be nice out. I am sure I will overdress and be hot. I will probably sweat a lot, too. I got PT today. My mother does, too.

I had a good session with my therapist on Mon. We talked about my suicidality and how I would like things to proceed from now on. We are going to continue working with the chronic pain workbook and I am to do the Crisis Response Plan. It has been hard to do. I haven’t been suicidal so I haven’t done it. I did write it out in my therapy book. I got to put it in my journal. She wants to work with me and I am glad because I really don’t want another therapist.

Baseball spring training is underway. I haven’t watched it because I really don’t watch TV. I don’t know if it has been on the radio or not. They are now doing 9 inning games so it would be worthwhile to see or hear it. They don’t have it on their radio app which sucks. I don’t know if games are going to be on the app this year or not. It was wonderful last year as I could play it anywhere I go and could listen along as I carried my phone with me around the house. I caught every pitch. It was really good.

I finally was able to get my songs on Dropbox off and put it on my phone for Mary Chapin Carpenter’s One Night Lonely album. I can finally listen to the songs from that awesome night. I still can’t believe I fell asleep midway through her singing. Her voice is so soothing to me so I am not surprised. I am so happy she has her acoustic album.

I have been trying to get my mother to use he/him pronouns with me and she is still resisting it. Yesterday my nephew called me a he and then my mother was like she. I feel so invalidated when she does this. Even when I told her I was her son her response was like “whatever”. I hate that she is like this. I will never understand how a parent can reject their child, never. More stuff to talk to in therapy about.

Since I have been eating regularly, I stopped losing weight. I actually gained some weight but I am still under 200 pounds. I still hate my body. I still want the things on my chest to be gone, completely. Eventually I will get a hysterectomy so I can find out if my bladder is cramping or not. Yesterday I had to email my urologist because I have been retaining again. There have been long stretches where I don’t void. The other day was nearly sixteen hours since my last void. I thought I would have to cath. Yesterday voiding was okay, nearly every three hours I was urinating. It still scares me that I might have to cath again one of these days.

I need to empty my recycles. I have a lot of Gatorade bottles in my room. I just have been so lazy to bring them all the way to the first floor where the recycle bin is. I will try and do that today as tomorrow is trash day.

any thoughts?

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