Category: baseball

dinner, baseball, and pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Dinner, Baseball, Pain

I went South of Boston tonight to have dinner with some really great friends. We had an awesome time and my friend’s kids are more engaging as they get older. The son is the oldest and he is a freshman. I still remember when he was born and held him in my arms! Now he is a mini man, with a moustache and slight beard. I could have cried today. My babies aren’t babies anymore! Even my little guy is going to be 24 this June.

I got home in time for the game. Mookie Betts hit a home run at his first at bat. This is the sixth time in a row we have scored in the first inning. I love this team. As long as everyone stays healthy, I think we are going to be a VERY good team. An umpire got hit with a foul ball and had to leave the game. It’s a delay of game while a covering umpire gets the gear on.

I will be listening to the game as I probably am going to be up the next few hours. I am in tired but I am also in a lot of pain. My ankle bone started hurting while I was at the restaurant. I had an alcoholic beverage so I couldn’t take a pain medication. I wanted to try the Moscow mule. I didn’t know it had ginger beer in it so asked to have it made with ginger ale instead. I have a sensitivity to ginger so didn’t want to chance it as ginger beer is not something I ever had. I know it has more ginger than ale does.

I think I am going to have to cancel my therapy appt for Monday. I don’t think I can walk to his office. Just getting around the last few days have really done a number on my legs. It hasn’t been helping my sprain at all. Resting hasn’t been easy. I am going to dread tomorrow as I need to see my psychiatrist in the morning. I am going to try and be in bed by 2, which hopefully will give me at least 6 hours of sleep as I know my mother will call me in the morning. She didn’t call me this morning because I wasn’t going to be home to take the socks off her. I don’t know why she didn’t want my sister to take them off her.

some good news, some pain, and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, cauda equina syndrome, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Some good news, some pain, and other things

I woke up again around 3 am to pee but was able to get back to sleep. I honestly have no idea how I didn’t end up in the floor of my bathroom as I was catching myself going back to sleep while on the can. My med alarm went off at 0715 which I just changed to 0850. I took my meds and then dozed off, waiting for my mother to call to put her socks on. The call never came and I lightly slept. When I woke up at noon, I was totally disoriented to what the hell day it was. It was raining pretty good and the wind was splattering the rain against my window, which at times was startling me.

I went downstairs and found the stove dismantled. My mother was cleaning it. Guess making burritos or tea for that matter, wasn’t happening. I was kind of dizzy but wanted some food. I heated up the pancakes I made yesterday. They were okay for day old pancakes. I didn’t drink anything with it because I was too tired to get something to drink. I chugged some powerade when I went back to my room. I also took pain meds. I must have been on my bed for about an hour or so when the atrophied part of my ankle just went nuts. I hurt so bad, I cried. I kept thinking about killing myself. I just can’t go on like this. I wrote a post on Facebook about how animals are treated more humanely than humans.

I took some pain meds and the pain settled down. I wanted some lunch so made a pizza. I finally found the right temperature to make it crispy. I sort of forgot about it when the timer went off because my mother was busy with the stove and wanted me to put the things I bought her on the pilots. They are a removeable thing that makes cleaning up easier. I checked on my pizza and it was almost burnt so I got it just in time.

My mother was making chicken for dinner and I wanted to make the red potatoes I bought. I washed them and cut them up, ready for my mother to make them when she was making dinner. I then went back upstairs. I rested for a bit. I was suddenly drained. I felt like I had the flu but not really. I couldn’t believe how wiped I was. I wanted to sleep but knew my mother would call me soon as I got to sleep saying that supper was ready. It takes me at least 45 minutes to get to sleep. I was on my phone when a FB message came from someone I wasn’t friends with. The message was from a teacher asking if I was the author of Darkness Always Wins. A student of hers wanted to use one of my stories for prose. She was asking whether the work was fiction or not. I told her it wasn’t as it was based on my experiences of mental illness. She thanked me and said my work was touching. I was so flattered that a student in Texas read my book and wanted to expand on it. I have no idea if the student was high school or college level. I guess maybe high school. I didn’t ask as I was just happy someone liked my work. I haven’t sold many books but some of the writing is from my blogs.

My mother told me I had to clean up after dinner. Fuck. I was really dizzy and needed a cup of tea. I made a cup and my mother wanted coffee so I made her a cup as well. When I was done with my tea, I washed the dishes. Normally I don’t use the dishwasher but today I did as I didn’t feel like washing. That is what it is there for, right? I loaded it and then just washed the pans. I even put the utensils in the washer. HA, it was an easy clean up.

The baseball game for today was cancelled due to rain. There isn’t a game until tomorrow late night as they are on the west coast. I hate west coast games. Game time isn’t until 10 pm. I need to sleep so I probably won’t be listening if I drift off before then. We will be playing the Angels and our first game is with their new ace pitcher Ohtani. I don’t know where he is from but the static about him is fierce. I don’t remember who we have pitching tomorrow. I want to say Price but I could be wrong.

I think my experiment of splitting my meds is over. I can’t handle the dizziness anymore. So it will be back to “eating a meal”. I just wish my meds didn’t make me so bloated after taking them. It is like eating a meal after taking the 12 or so pills. I also need to vamp up my fiber tomorrow. It has been more than a few days since I had a bowel movement. I know it is partially my fault because I got things loose and then stopped the senna for a night. Now I can’t go at all. I had two doses of fiber yesterday and still nothing today. I would take the fiber tonight but one time it started to work at like midnight and then I was going until 2 in the morning. Not a good idea. Thank you CES for causing my bowels to become so unpredictable and to keep going. I hate when this happens. I won’t go for days and then when I do, I can’t stop. Make up your fricken mind, bowels!

feeling off and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, painsomnia

Feeling off and other things

I woke up in the middle of the night, again. I couldn’t go back to sleep right away so stayed up for a couple of hours. I went back to sleep some time around 5. My med alarm went off around 0730. I shut it off but didn’t take my meds. I just laid there and fell back to sleep. Then my mother called to put on her socks. I took my meds and went to her room. It was a little easier to put on the socks today than it was yesterday. I used the bathroom and then went back to my room to snooze for a bit. I was really tired.

I wanted to make pancakes and burritos. I started with the pancakes. They were good. I only made two of the four I made. I’ll probably have them tomorrow morning. I never made the burritos as I got really tired and dizzy like I was going to pass out. I told my mother not to call me for dinner as I wasn’t feeling well. She asked what was wrong and I told her I was dizzy and just out of it. Probably because I’ve had no sleep.

It was cold in my room and it took forever to get comfortable. I kept having to adjust my blankets. Then when I got comfortable, my pain spiked. For some reason, I got intense pain near my malleolus that made me cry out. I had such intense suicidal feelings. I felt like another 2 months was too long. I wanted to do it now! I don’t care. I can’t take this stupidity anymore. I had just taken a strong pain pill so after a while, the pain went away and I was able to sleep. I didn’t sleep long. My bladder was threatening to explode so I got up. I was still feeling awful.

I had dinner and watched the rest of the Sox game. We won 3-1. We still have the best record of 13-2 so far. I think it is quite amazing. I still want to go to a game before I die. I want to sit in the seats in the bleachers, section 37. I think those are the best seats because you can see the entire field and scoreboards. I want to be in the first few rows though, not up in the stands, only because of my mobility issues. I know the tickets will be expensive. I think when I last looked they were like $60 or more, depending where you sat. And that was just for one ticket! I remember when they used to be $8 for the same seats!

After I had dinner I was still feeling crappy so went up to my room. I did my med box for the week. I tried to settle down but pain once again shot up. I am so damn tired. I really want to sleep at least 6 hours straight with no interruptions. This sleeping every few hours shit has to stop. I don’t know why I am sleeping so lousy. Yes, I am in pain and that has been the main reason. I think being up most of the day yesterday really messed me up. I don’t like being up in the middle of the night either. I thought for sure I was going to sleep through the night because I was up all day. HA, that was a joke. Maybe I will take some mirtazapine tonight so it will knock me out. The Neurontin I think hasn’t been too effective in putting me to sleep. I also think it might be causing the dizziness because I am not sleeping it off. I won’t be taking it tonight. If I feel better tomorrow, then I can probably say the Neurontin is causing the dizziness for some reason. I don’t know why as I have been taking it for years at relatively the same dose. I only took 600 mg last night instead of 900 mg so not sure why I am so fricken crappy.

Other than seeing my psychiatrist on Friday, I have no other appts this week. Tuesday I need to go to my PCP’s office to get my scripts for my meds. I was thinking of getting my haircut but I am still on the fence about it. Depends on how I feel. I want to take a shower tonight. I think I will after I take my night meds. Maybe that will help me feel a little better.

Eight and one!!!

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Eight and one!!

For the first time in Red Sox franchise history, the Sox have an opening record of 8-1! They had a huge comeback win in the bottom of the 8th, scoring 6 runs to beat the Rays 8-7! It was so fucking awesome. I was ready to turn off the radio when the hits were just coming left and right. Then I didn’t want to leave my room until the game was over! It was so fucking awesome. I am so happy. There is no game tomorrow (sad face). The game Tues is against the Skankees.

I had an awful night. I didn’t go to sleep until 7 only to wake up a couple hours later because I was hungry. I guess the couple pieces of toast that I had around 4 wasn’t enough to hold me. I had frosted mini wheat cereal. I told my mother I was going back to bed. She called me around noon as her pillow exploded in the washer. What she expected me to do, I have no idea. I am glad I put my phone on do not disturb.

I have therapy tomorrow though I don’t know how much sleep I will be getting tonight. Seems my pain likes to spike and stay up around 2200, making it difficult to sleep. I made a cup of tea after the game and my ankle went berserk. All the bones are aching right now. I am really tired.

I have decided to split my meds so I am not taking so much at night as they seem to be making me feel bloated and in general just bothering my stomach. I take about 12-14 pills at night so I chose the pills that were less likely to make me sleepy. I start tomorrow as I didn’t fill my pill box this morning and I woke up too late to take the meds I wanted to. I plan on taking them in about a half hour to forty-five minutes. I want to take them before 1900 today because I want to be able to try and wind down. Course I tried that last night but I had a pain spike and then an unexpected bowel movement that caused nerve pain in my butt. That was so much fun as sitting hurt until Neurontin kicked in.

The picture on my blog is the mug that my brother in law gave me for Christmas. I thought it was fitting for this post. I have deemed it my tea mug. I was really dying for a cup today. I had ordered some “strong” tea from the UK that my friend on Twitter told me about. I am glad I waited as the first kind I bought but canceled was 100 bags. This order is for 50 bags. I hope I like it. It’s made my Twinning. I usually buy Bigelow tea. I have been on a tea kick lately. I haven’t made coffee at home in at least two weeks. I still drink my espresso at Starbucks. It just tastes different than coffee. I really wasn’t drinking the cups I made, no matter what kind I was making. I just couldn’t drink more than half a cup. The coffee was okay but I just couldn’t drink it. Maybe it is just a phase and I will go back after a while. I hope so. I have four bags of coffee!