Category: physical pain

Found out cause of fatigue

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, physical pain

Had my repeat blood work and urine tests done on Thursday. My sodium level was lower than it was on Tuesday. My doc called me around 8 am but I couldn’t get the phone in time. When I called back. The transcript from my voicemail was incorrect. Anyway he sent me a message explaining what he thought I had, SIADH, syndrome of inappropriate anti diuretic hormone. It is basically my body holding onto water and peeing salt. So he said I am to reduce my fluid intake to 1L and eat salty food and protein. It has been difficult doing either as all I want to do is sleep. I made some scrambled eggs and had some juice. It tired me out when he called me again. I am just really tired. Today I had some donuts and crackers with my coffee. I only drank 2 oz and then had to lie down. I finally took a shower today so doing all that just wiped me out. I wanted to make cheeseburgers for lunch but I guess I will have them for dinner. Just told my mother and she said I’m cooking. Bitch. We haven’t been getting along past few days. She has been on my back to do shit and then yell at me for old shit. I seriously need to find a place to live. I can’t take it anymore with her. She is stressing me out. I really think it is because her sister gets on her nerves and then she takes it out on me. God forbid she should put her sister in her place. I had to laugh when the lunatic was telling me the turkey’s we bought were from Maine because my cousin doesn’t know postal codes. They are from Minnesota. I didn’t say anything. They are all a bunch of ignorant fools anyway. Also uneducated. Though the lunatic likes to brag that she was a spelling bee champ in school. She didn’t finish high school though. Only person on my mother’s side was my mother.

Foot is really hurting today and my left leg is giving me trouble. It feels like it doesn’t want to hold me up. Taking that shower was fun. I had to sit down like 3 times. Back kept cramping up. I just want to give up. I am so tired of pain and fatigue. I wish I could kill myself. I know my family would be better off without me.

Another blog by phone

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, medical, mental illness, mood disorders, physical pain, transgender

I am still feeling crappy. Yesterday in was so exhausted after seeing the doc, I slept, had dinner, took my meds. And pretty much slept through the night. I woke up once to pee and take a horrible selfie. I felt like taking the shot of T then but i was too tired to be that coordinated. I had to wake up early to check to see if my niece went to school on time. I got mad at my phone for waking me up, snoozed, got mad again, and never got up. I woke up a half hour later and went downstairs. She wasn’t home so that was good. It is freezing out. I went back to my room and fell back to sleep.

I got up around an hour ago. I had messages, one was a provider letter. I read that but it was just for my urine test results. I still haven’t heard anything about my blood results so I sent a message. My sodium is down again, lower than it ever has been. No wonder I feel so crummy. My psych said to reduce my water intake (I am not reducing coffee!!) This is hard because I kind of am thirsty since she said it. I’ve just been taking sips with my meds. Figures not eating and drinking would knock it down. I asked her if we could lower the oxcarb by 300 mg and she agreed. I feel a little better today but still feel so tired. I was supposed to meet up with my barber to get my baking dish but I couldn’t be bothered. I am just too tired. I will get it next week.

So I guess I am to just sleep until my medical doc figures out what to do with me. The rest is helping my plantar fasciitis. Heel was hurting so bad last night from all the walking I did. I didn’t ice it just rolled a tennis ball under my foot while waiting for dinner to be ready. It really helps reduce the pain. I have been doing the app thing for my foot. My scores are better but not 100 %, dammit lol. The OT wants it above 80%, which they have been so that is good. I see them tomorrow. I haven’t done the stretching because I’ve been in a flare. Even yesterday while on the way home felt like my sneaker was going to rip the top of my foot apart. It was fun going around the house with two feet hurting so bad. Yikes!! I’ve been doing the heat stuff so hope she isn’t going to be a bitch. I also been doing the heel lift she wants so 2 out of 3 isn’t bad. My foot is still bothering me today. I haven’t had this bad of a flare in a while. Hope it settles down.

Last night some idiot called with a restricted number. I thought it might be the doctor’s office so answered. It was some document recovery bullshit. They had a document I had to sign and would I be available between such and such hours. I was yes-ing them to death. Bastards never came. Assholes. I get these calls at least twice a year and it is always we are taking you to court and we can’t give you the information, you need to call the 800 number. Okay. Scam bastards.

I am not sure where my blog writing is going. If I feel up to it, I will write. Otherwise I won’t. I just don’t have the energy. Oh, and today is day 42 of my transition. I will write a separate post for that, though it will be just a paragraph as not much has changed.

More tiredness that is sticking around

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, mental disorders, mental illness, mood disorders, physical pain

So over the weekend I emailed my repro endo doc to say I’ve been really tired and described how tired I was and could it be the testosterone? She said most certainly not. I should see my pcp. Well today has been a real fucking day so why should calling my pcp be easy. He isn’t available until January. So again, I am seeing one of his colleagues, a doc I don’t think has any brains but is playing doctor. Okay, I will see him. I flew off the handle. Fucking January? I got to see someone else as my pcp. How are you to have a relationship with someone if you only see them every 4 fucking months? And when something comes up. You have to see someone else because your doc isn’t available. That to me is unacceptable. My former doc always saw me. Hell I remember one time I had to see his colleague and he purposely found a way for me to see him once I was in the office. That is my kind of doctor.

I had therapy today and talked his ear off about shit that has been happening. He brought up a good point, people around me don’t think I am important. I almost started bawling. I think I was at this point anyway but him saying that just brought more tears. [**I am typing on my phone so if you see a typo, please tell me**]

He gets that is most likely causing my misery. My family treats me like crap, especially my mother who doesn’t accept me for who I am. She has it in her head that I am this beautiful, cute baby girl and now I am turning into a man. Well I was all along but I had to hide myself for ten fucking years because I afraid she wouldn’t accept me. And I was right.

Halfway through session, I got a wave of exhaustion. Like I was completely drained. And I still had to go home. Fuck. I came home and I swear I thought I was going to pass out. I never felt that tired before in my life. I’ve had therapy sessions and appts and stuff and never felt that drained. Something is wrong. And I swear if this jerk of a doctor tells me it is a virus, my cane is going to be swinging. I want my blood count and thyroid checked. Though more so my blood count as testosterone can cause weird blood counts.

I got my prescription today. I had to wait in like and I swear I thought my heel was going to divorce me. It hurt so bad. I was walking with my cane because I had to take the pressure off my foot. I took it out when I got to city hall after therapy. I had to rest there for a bit. Both feet were barking. I wish I had money for an Uber. I hate that I have impulsive spending. I spent my last 8 bucks on nic sticks. I am so stupid. I nicked myself pretty good and had to use a bandage as the bleeding wouldn’t stop. Just hope it doesn’t get infected as I looked at the razor and there was some rust on it. My stupid mother never cleans it right. Or at all. Drives me nuts. She has her single edge but uses mine. Brat.

I am in pain and not sure if I am going to pull an all nighter or not. I just took a breakthrough med so I hope I will sleep. I just got to keep my damn foot still. Though it was still when it felt like someone was ripping off my 5th metatarsal. Ugh. CRPS sucks. You never know what kind of pain you will have next and for how long. Last night it took until 2 am for it to settle down. Probably would have been sooner but my fucking Kindle did an update and now won’t recognize the SD card. I had to find a thing to read it on my laptop to see if it was defective or the Kindle was. So annoying.

I did the calf stretching before I left the house. My heel wasn’t bothering me until I left Starbucks. I had to leave an hour earlier so I could fucking write. I finally had time to journal. I just wrote about all my fucking aggravation with the bus and shit. I fucking hate when people block the entry of the bus and people can’t get off or on. So rude!!!!! I sat away from the jerk or I probably would have muttered under my breath. The when i was on my way home. Guy came on preventing me from getting off. Fucking asshole. No one has courtesy anymore. Pisses me off.

I did the app exercises a few times today. I had varying scores. Sometimes i did above 90 and sometimes i did below. It is annoying me. I do it three times and if i don’t improve or get the same score i just stop. No point in going on. I haven’t done the warm heat. I keep forgetting to being the damn thing to the kitchen. Though how i am to apply it once it is hot i have no clue. It is my outer ankle so kind of hard to put on. All logistics. I’ve been using a heating pad as my damn feet get ice cold and tonight it took 4 hours to get hot. Frustrates the hell out of me. My right usually gets warm before my left (CRPS foot) but it was cold in my room so took as long as my left. I think it helped the plantar fasciitis pain. I haven’t stood yet but damn my ankle is fucking killing me (CRPS).

Hope I feel tired again so I can sleep. I got to be out of the house by 8 am for the doc appt. But with this pain, I doubt I can sleep.

TG short post

by Midnight Demon, posted in bipolar, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, physical pain, transgender

Hi all my lovely readers,

I am really sore and in a middleweight now so today’s day 1 post will be tomorrow.

Injection went well. I am just mentally and physically drained.

Thanks for reading