Diagnosis, pain, and other things on 23 Aug 18

Diagnosis, pain, and other things on 23 Aug 18

I saw my neuro today. I have been seeing her for over 10 years. She called me by my birth name and I had to correct her. She said she didn’t notice it before I said something. I said you’ve known me for a long time and it was after I last saw you, so I am not surprised. She thinks the balance issues I have been having is because of CRPS and my ankle instability at the moment as I have a sprained ankle. She said she would email my PT to tell her “more exercises” in my right leg as I need to strengthen it to support me. We also talked about the thigh pain and she thinks it maybe a tightening up muscle. Also need PT for that as I can’t bend my leg behind me and pull my ankle toward my body. I haven’t been able to do that since my CES and now will be impossible as I can’t touch my ankle. I had horrible sensation pains last night that I had to keep my foot uncovered. I don’t think I fell asleep until after 0100.

Walking to the hospital was okay but set off my allergies as the pollen count is high. I also had to walk around while in the hospital because the café I usually go to was closed. I had to go to the main one which I had never been to before. I then kind of got lost going back to where my neuro was as I couldn’t find signs for the building. I was so annoyed. I get to the office and as I am taking my seat in the waiting room, my foot does the inward turn because it was fatigued as I wasn’t wearing my brace. I still had to go home so this was not fucking good. I talked about that with the doc as well and she just wanted PT. I have no new neuro stuff going on, which is good as I was thinking the worse and almost had a breakdown in the waiting room because of the turn. Walking back to the train station, I was wheezing bad and didn’t have my inhaler. I calmed down a bit but soon as I got home, I took my mother’s inhaler because I my ankle (CRPS) acted up big time. I foolishly side kicked the front door to shut it and my foot didn’t like the extension.

I bought pizza for dinner on the way home. My mother complained about it like she always does. Too thick. Too salty. Blah blah blah. After I ate, I went upstairs. I thought it was hot in my room so I had turned on the AC so it was fricken freezing in my room. I turned that off and the ceiling fan. I stood in the dark for a few minutes because I forgot the light was on. Shut off the power and both goes out. I so wish they were separate and I had a remote for them. Anyways, I am on my phone and I get an email saying I have a message on the patient web thingy that my doctors use. I check it and it was a message saying that I had a new visit note from my doctor. I scroll through it and nothing interesting pops up until I get to the diagnosis section. My neuro added that I have CRPS type 1 in left lower leg. HOLY SHIT I LOVE HER!! Finally, it is in my damn record I have CRPS!! No more denying that I just have chronic pain or chronic ankle pain. Maybe now the other idiots I see will READ and know this. I am so sick of them looking at my ankle and them saying I just have pain. It is more than that. So much more. I couldn’t have my sheet on my foot last night. It felt like it was burning me. That is how CRPS is.

I am in a lot of pain now and probably will be until I sleep. Sox had a day game so I won’t be up late, I hope. I had some orange spice tea as I am writing this. I am trying to wind down so I can sleep. Sox won their 90th game of the season. No one else in the MLB even has 80 wins! And to have it before September is so fricken awesome. There are roughly 30 games left in the season. If we can win 20 or more of those, I will be so happy as the Sox have not won more than 100 games in my lifetime.

14 Aug 18

14 Aug 18

The lunatic didn’t come over and I was grateful. I woke up around 0330 to go to the bathroom and then was up for a bit. Think I read some of my book until meds kicked in to bring me back to sleep. I didn’t sleep long, just about 4 hours or so. I got up around 11. I saw on the little table by the stairs that my mother had mail and her walgreens gift card. Guess I was going out. Wasn’t a big deal as I wanted to see if they had this Epsom salt rub. They didn’t have it in stock (this store really never has things in stock, they have a sale and the item will have no stock!) The only store that had it was the one in Malden. I would have to wait till Friday as that was when I was going near there. I went to the bakery for bread and mailed somethings. On the way home, I stopped at the other drug store and they had the item. Score! I used it once I cooled off. I was soaked with sweat by the time I walked around the block, so to speak.

I used the stuff and within a few minutes, my legs weren’t that achy anymore. But the stuff left a residue on my legs. I didn’t like it but as long as it took care of the pain, I don’t care. I can use it as much as I want. Stuff does take a while to dry but not a long time. I’ll probably shower tomorrow as I need to get blood work done. My psych wanted to check things. She never responded to my email about if a bmp was ordered or not. Be curious if my sodium is still above normal.

I asked my mother if she wanted burgers for supper and she did. I knew my niece wasn’t going to eat burgers so I asked if she wanted mac and cheese. She did. So for dinner I was making burgers, tater tots, and mac and cheese. I was a chef for a bit. I spent most of my time on my feet doing the various things that needed doing. I ended up burning my muffin because I forgot about it. I had sat down to eat some tater tots while it was toasting and forgot about it so it burned. Glad I didn’t have a fire alarm in the kitchen, which is weird. But the door was open to let the smell out. I was planning on doing the dishes when my friend called. I was talking to him until my sister and my cousin and her baby came over. I then said I had to go as I had company. I played with the baby for a bit and then my sister accidently kicked my bad ankle. That was all it needed. I asked her if she could do the dishes and she had an ass ache (aka was lazy and didn’t want to do it). She asked her son to do it and he had a back ache. I told my mother I was going to rest a bit and then I will do the dishes later when meds work. I went upstairs to cool off and rest a bit. My phone needed charging. I tried to write the blog earlier but internet browsing kept me from my task. I finally stopped just before my med alarm was to go off. My right sprained ankle hurts so I don’t know if the dishes are going to get done.

I can’t fricken believe I did all that with two messed up ankles. But now that I am resting, I ma hurting. My mother was like just sit on the couch. She doesn’t get that my leg needs to me elevated to stop hurting. I need my bed to ease the pressure. It has been the only thing that sometimes helps. Not all the time as sometimes my pain is worse. But that is when NOTHING helps it. I just hope it doesn’t swell with it being down so much today. I hate days where I am supposed to rest and I do a million things. Not big things but enough to hurt really bad during the night. I was telling my mother this and she said don’t say it. I was like I can’t help it, my ankle knows when it is 2100 and it acts up. Or 2000. It doesn’t care. It will hurt just by me getting more comfortable in bed. Or without moving. No rhyme or reason. Just acts up when it wants to. And there is little I can do when it does.

Baseball is on and I am going to take my meds as my thigh is cramping up and then turn on the radio. They are already leading 1-0, scoring first! Should be a good game. They are playing the Phillies.

8 Aug 2018

8 Aug 2018

I had a good session with my therapist. I told him about the saga with my primary care office. I had to nurses, both beginning names with B that I called bubbleheads because that is what they are. After we talked about those idiots, I told him about how my suicidality was up and down and all around. He said that it seemed like I got some powerful emotions going on that overwhelm me and then my thoughts say fuck it, end my life. He was right about that. I am very overwhelmed with things right now, not only in trying to get my pain somewhat managed and taking care of my mother. It would be a hell of a lot easier if the lunatic wasn’t over the house every damn day as she is just stressing me out to the point where I don’t even want to be home to hear her. My mother isn’t that bad. She can manage breakfast, the lunatic usually does lunch, and then my middle sister does dinner if I am not home. Next week is going to be hard because I told him, I have a shit ton of free time as he and my psychiatrist is away. He then said I am free to text him until Saturday night as he leaves Sunday and won’t be available. That kind of helped me as his texts kind of reassure me that someone is validating what I am feeling.

I asked if it was stupid to get a planner and just “schedule” some things. He said no and encouraged me to do it. So after the appointment, I went to Walgreens as they have school planners available. I would have gone to Slate, but it was raining. I should have gone to Slate as I bought the wrong fucking planner. It is a 2019 planner, not a 2018-2019 one. Fucking idiot I am. I got my old planner out and ordered undated calendar refills. They didn’t have weekly ones so I am not sure what I am getting. At least that will hold me for a while. It was 5 bucks so not a huge deal. I can use the other planner when the year starts, if I am still around.

I don’t think I had the air cast on right. I swear every time I use it, I have it a different way than the way I had it before. By the time I left my therapist’s office and was waiting for the bus home, my right Achilles was hurting me. I wanted to take it off but I knew it would be a good idea as I am so fricken tired. I didn’t write a blog yesterday because I just crashed around 8 pm. I don’t think I am going to watch the game tonight. I missed the home run derby last night in the 10th inning. All I know is one minute the game is tied, the next it is 10-5 Sox. Game over. LOL. We got our 80th win. Sweet. I am so happy for our team. I love my boys. I have included some of my favorite players in this blog. Hope I don’t get in trouble for using it lol

L to R, Andrew (Benny) Benintendi, Mookie Betts, Brock Holt

Rambling 29 July 2018

Rambling 29 July 2018

I didn’t do much yesterday but sleep because I didn’t go to sleep till 5 am. I had a bad night of pain. I sent an email to my psych around 4 and then took an Ativan and that finally got me to sleep. I put my phone on do not disturb but set my alarm so I could take my morning meds. With the do not disturb, my app alarm doesn’t work.

Sox won. I listened to the game, though around the 7th inning, I was getting sleepy so tried to sleep. My foot decided to explode. It was hurting me before I laid down but then it really started to hurt. I took some Neurontin. It didn’t work. I put some lidocaine on, and that seemed to calm it down a bit.

My cousin was calling me a few times during the day. He gets anxious if you ignore him. I really think, after talking to him tonight, that he is paranoid. He seems to think his mother and sister want him to move out of his apartment so his other brother can live there. I don’t know. That seems kind of crazy to me. I don’t know where he will go. He says he can’t live on his own, but yet he is. He can do a lot of things I can. I told him I might have to go into assisted living if something happens to my mother. I can’t be on my own because I never know when my ankle is going to go out on me. I can’t keep up with house chores. I found that out Thursday when I tried to do six loads of laundry. It took a lot out of me.

I have some dishes in the sink but I was too tired to do them after I ate. I used my last cold brew iced tea bag today. I have it brewing in the fridge right now. It is probably done now but a few more hours won’t hurt. I like it to be strong. I think you can use regular tea bags but I think it takes longer to brew or maybe you use hot water and then cool it so you have iced tea. I have a hyperchill think I can use. It works great for coffee. I just make coffee like I do for hot and then put it in this cup with ice around the chamber and it cools the coffee without diluting it. It is really neat. Only thing that sucks is that it is small. You can only get about 12 oz of coffee. I like at least 16 oz.

I am listening to my country music. Cam posted a little vid that she performed in Mexico. She sang Diane in Spanish and OMG it was better than it was in English! It was just one part of the song and then she sang the rest in English. I was bummed. I had to listen to her song again and just let the playlist play.

Weather is supposed to be less humid today. We’ll see. Today is going to be the only day the weather is less humid. Monday is going to be yucko again. I’ll have to carry my sweat rag with me. I can’t help it. I just sweat a lot in hot weather because of my nerve condition.

I am going to try and sleep. I will write more if I can’t. Thanks for reading guys. It means a lot.