Tag: baseball

Red Sox and other boring stuff

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Red Sox and other boring stuff

The Red Sox won the game on Sunday night. The game got over some time before 1145 pm and I was so excited and thrilled. It was so awesome. But the excitement gave me pain. I have no idea what happened but my malleolus felt like it was bring ripped out and I couldn’t sleep all night. I think I finally went to sleep around 5 ish. Then my med alarm woke me up so I took my meds. I had a dentist appointment in the morning and they called around 11 when I woke up next. They wanted to know if I could come in early. I said sure. I will get dressed and be there soon. They didn’t take me till 1130, my original appointment time so I don’t know why they called. I found it annoying. I didn’t have cavities, which was good.

I caught the bus that lead me to another bus to the square. I wasn’t hungry so I just got some espresso and some small scones. I really haven’t had much of an appetite the past few days. I got to the station and when I got off, I crossed the street. It must not have been level because I fell down on my right side. I didn’t hurt myself but I am really sore. My jeans got dirty and sort of wet as it had been raining on and off most of the day. I took the bus to my therapist’s office and decided I was going to take an Uber home. I wasn’t going to take the T home. I had enough and just wanted to be home as quick as possible. Except that I had to go to the pharmacy to get my mother’s prescription. I had to wait as it wasn’t ready yet. I was mad at this because my mother usually calls it in in the morning. It was now nearly 4 pm. Like what the fuck. I waited and bought a sharps container for my needles.

I got home but wasn’t hungry. I just wanted to sleep and I did. I woke up a few hours later and decided to have some tea. I took my night meds and then had some tea. It didn’t keep me awake. I fell asleep no sooner than 5 minutes after I finished it. I was just so tired. I don’t know if it is the testosterone that is making me feel so tired or what. I am going to try and sleep at normal times the next week or so and see if there is a change. It might just be the excitement of the games and stuff that is making me feel tired throughout the day.

I woke up around 5 in severe pain. My foot was killing me. So much for starting the day right. It didn’t settle down for another hour or so when meds kicked in. I decided to take my meds then and shut the alarm off so I could sleep. I still wasn’t hungry when I woke up. I had some cookies with some tea. I think I went back to sleep. I don’t remember. I know I had to take a shower. A friend texted me as she wanted me to do something for her. I said sure and she said she will email the details to me.

I have my MRI for my right foot tonight. My sister will be taking me and I am glad. I am just wearing my PJs. I don’t think I will wear my brace. Just sneakers. I think I have one in my room and the other downstairs. I really don’t feel like wearing my brace. I hope it does and doesn’t turn out okay. I just want to know why I keep getting the golf ball swelling on my foot. I am really sore on my right side where I fell. There are no visible bruises but it hurts.

My therapist won’t be in tomorrow so I plan on voting early. I just got to figure out how to get there. I wish I could walk up the streets but nope. I probably will have to go to the Square and then catch one of two buses to where I have to go. Long as I get my espresso, that is all I will need.

Being really tired because of chronic pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Being really tired because of chronic pain

Friday night, I was up really late because the Sox game went into historic extra innings. By 330 am, the game was still going on. It was the top of the 18th inning and I decided to go to bed. I was in pain and needed sleep. The Dodgers ended up winning in the bottom of the 18th. It was the longest game in the history of World Series playoffs. I didn’t wake up until after 1500 yesterday. I had sort woke up but I looked at the time and said five more minutes and never got up. My mother never called me (I wouldn’t hear her ring anyways as I had do not disturb on).

I got up and had something to eat. I just had some corn muffins that I bought. That was all I wanted. Then I went back to my room. I was still groggy so I didn’t want to write a blog. I didn’t know if I was going to listen to the game as the stadium was really loud and the announcers were pissing me off. Lou had traveled to LA and OMG was so annoying. I stayed up for about 6 innings I think, I couldn’t keep track of the game because all the announcers were talking bullshit instead of calling the game. Who was warming up, the pitch count of the pitcher, whether Cora was going to bring in another pitcher, all this shit rather than balls and strikes. So When the Dodgers scored their first run and then E-Rod gave up a 3 run shot, I thought the game was over. I wasn’t going to listen to it anymore. Also my cousin was texting me about how the first 4 batters were like 0 for 39 or something like that. I don’t care as long as they are in the game! They will hit once they find their groove. I went to bed. I felt bad about doing so but I was tired, my foot exploded and I just couldn’t take the negativity anymore.

I woke up around 3 am today. We won 9-6! I was so fucking happy. This makes the series 3-1. One more Sox win and we win the whole thing. Tonight’s game is so damn important and I am not going to miss it!! But I thought I would write a blog as it has been two days since I wrote one. I just haven’t been in the mood to write. I am going to have pancakes and coffee later. I really haven’t eaten since Friday. I made my wings and they came out so damn good. I might make a brownie recipe today. I am not sure though. It has beets in it and I have to figure out how many beets is equivalent to what is called for. I was supposed to get whole beets and but instead I got sliced beets. UGH! I am so annoyed. My friend said they were good. She and her husband liked it. So I think it should be good. I love brownies anyways. I have never had them with beets, but we shall see.

I also got really angry with my cousin with bipolar disorder. I was trying to nap before the game and right when I was ready to doze off, he calls me. I didn’t answer as I didn’t want to talk to him. He left me a ridiculous message about how he thinks he saw me at the bus stop but he was going to work so he couldn’t stop, like if he sees me at the bus stop he HAS to take me to where ever I am going. I like the gesture but he doesn’t have to do this. His brother doesn’t do this, my uncle certainly doesn’t, so why should he? He said he couldn’t bring me anyways as he was running late. UGH so why are you telling me this?? Then he tells me he “has been calling me.” No he hasn’t. There is this thing on my phone called a log and it would tell me if you called. I haven’t heard from you in a month or more. So stop lying. Nothing I hate worse than a liar. And I am sure the whole seeing me at the bus stop is a lie too. He thinks he can get away with it and when I bring it up to him, he says why haven’t I called him. Fuck you, buddy. I have enough shit going on in my life that I don’t need to hear your lies. So I am not going to return his call. Soon after he got my voicemail and left me the phony message, he called my mother asking where I was. Jerk. That is what he does. He will call me, asking about her and then call her asking about me. Loser he is. That just drives me fucking crazy.

I took some Miralax today because it has been a while since I last went. I was going good for a while and then nothing. I don’t know why. I just hope it works before the game because I don’t want to be shitting while the game is going on! HAHA. I am also really excited because this is another T dose week. I can’t wait till Wednesday. There are already some changes to my face and I love it. I can’t wait for more to come.

RED SOX ARE WORLD SERIES BOUND

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain

Hi all,

My boys have done it. We have beaten the Houston Astros and are going to the World Series. We don’t know who we are playing yet. It will either be the Los Angeles Dodgers or the Milwaukee Brewers. I am hoping for the Dodgers. I think that will be a great match up.

I cannot sleep because I am in pain. Left thigh and right foot are hurting. I just put some diclofenac gel on. It helped the foot. Thigh not so much. I noticed the skin is much darker than my right. Hope that doesn’t mean anything. Also hope it is just a tan line and will fade with time.

I am very tired. I don’t know if I will be meeting up with my friends because I might be in too much pain. I will have to see how it goes. I hope this settles down by morning.

I sent my PT a little note saying I think she is awesome because she is. I wish I knew of how to write her up so that her boss knew she was good and really helped me to get better. I always think it is important to tell people that.

Well I guess I’ve bored you all. Go Sox and will write another blog later today.

Useless appointment and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Useless appointment and other things

I had little sleep last night. In my painsomnia brain, I had decided to have an 0815 alarm. Why, I don’t remember. I just shut it off and went back to sleep. I am glad I didn’t touch my med alarm or I would have been screwed. I forced myself in the shower. It was cold this morning so I had to wait for the water to get hot. I had shaved around 4 am when I couldn’t sleep and decided to give myself the shot then rather than wait. One less thing to do in the morning.

I was getting sleepy waiting around so left my house around 0930 or so, an hour before I was to leave. I made it to the place with plenty of time to spare and I forced myself not to go into the bookstore next to the Starbucks. I wrote in my journal for a bit. I was anxious and it had nothing to do with the 6 shots of espresso I was drinking. I finally left around 1230 to find the building and office. It was at the end of a long hallway. I sat in the waiting room and 15 minutes before the appointment, the guy introduces himself and said he would be back. I said okay. He came back and opened an office and called me in. We talked about my different issues and he basically said there was nothing he could do for me as he wasn’t the type of therapist to give coping skills. He just did “talk therapy” and that was it, same as the one I was seeing. Fucking A. He said that I had “somatic pain” and he didn’t deal with that. WTF. I wanted to scream at him but there was no point. I said thank you for your time and left. I was bullshit. He could have told me last week that he didn’t deal with my issues. Why did he have to see me in person to tell me this??? Why do therapist do this?? I am so fucking angry. Now I got to go back to the nail picking therapist I am seeing. Fucking fuck. Total waste of time when I could have been sleeping!!!

I came home and I was not in a good mood. I just wanted to be in my PJs, under my blankets, and fiddle with social media. My Transition photo op didn’t get that many likes. I didn’t have much to say as it was like 5 AM and my brain was dead. It was a miracle I could string two words together, much less a few sentences. I realized I didn’t take a selfie for day 7. I got to be better about it. But there really hasn’t been any changes so no big deal.

I emailed my psychiatrist about being in a therapist jinx. Either that or I am on some black list. I had sent her and my neuro an email at I have no idea what time in the morning as I experience dystonia yet again last night. It wasn’t as bad as the first time and thankfully, my compression sock came to the rescue. It calmed it down enough so I could sleep for a few hours before my alarms went off.

Sox game is tonight. My left thigh is sore from the shot. I thought I did a lot of walking to ward it off but maybe not enough. My mother wanted me to go to the Square to get the money owed to me from the cheese I bought. I wasn’t going to the square. I won’t be going tomorrow either. I will be going Friday so I hope the sale price doesn’t change by then. It shouldn’t matter but you never know how picky managers are. I still have the receipt in my wallet. Hope I remember to go to the butcher shop before meeting up with my friends.

I don’t know if I will make it through 9 innings of baseball on like 4 hours sleep. I tried to take a nap but then I got really cold, like almost to the point of chills. I put on my long sleeved shirt. I will be putting on my Sox jersey an hour before game time. Game is on late, 2030, tonight because the MLB sucks. They have the west coast national game at like 2 pm. Who is going to watch the game at that time?? Idiots. I just don’t understand what their thinking is when they schedule games. I also don’t understand why they all can’t be prime time. Oh wait, that would make sense. Duh! I will listen to what I can and then whatever I don’t, I will catch up tomorrow. I am not going to force myself to stay up because then I get over tired and that does me no good at all. Then I sleep whenever, which usually repeats the cycle of no sleep. Sucks. I learned my lesson. Sleep when I am tired. I should try and sleep now but it is too early and then I will be up all night. Catch 22 I know. I am not really that tired. Just mentally exhausted from this asshole I saw. I am glad he didn’t work out because after three sessions I am sure I would be telling him fuck you and walk out. It shouldn’t be this hard to find someone to talk to. It really shouldn’t. Maybe I am too smart but there has got to be someone on the same level as I am out there. I don’t care if who I see is a he or she. There has to be someone, somewhere. I think I am going to ask the bozo therapist at the pain clinic for a referral. Maybe she knows someone. Long shot but at this point I’ll try anything. I might look up DBT therapists in my area. That is how desperate I am becoming and I hate DBT!