Tag: chronic physical pain

Sprain, Pain, and physical therapy

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Sprain, Pain, and physical therapy

I had PT today. I had to have my cousin drop me on the station because I was low on the my pass funds, again. I have had to put $15 on the ticket so far because I use it so much. I am definitely getting a monthly pass when my card comes in. Luckily, I don’t have to go again till Monday. I hope the pass comes in the mail by then.

I told my therapist I was worried I sprained it again. She reassured me that unless I fall, I cannot sprain my ankle again. She said I am overdoing the exercises as I am just supposed to do three sets of each exercises. I have been doing like 15 reps per exercise which obviously caused my muscles to me sore. I guess more isn’t better in this case. She told me about the pain program wanted to overlap our sessions with theirs as my sprain isn’t better and my leg isn’t as strong. She will also tell me when the program will begin, though they may call me. They tried to call me last week but for some reason my phone was rejecting the call. It was really weird. I restarted my phone but the same thing happened when my repro endo doc’s secretary tried calling me. It went right to voicemail.

I called my pain clinic and my scripts were ready for pick up. I am glad I went today because it is going to rain all day tomorrow. It was so damn hard because I had to stand most of the way and then walk to the building to pick them up. The syringes for my testosterone has been called in. I had to call the pharmacy to check on availability and they ended up switching to a different manufacturer so I could have them. I still have the problem of the needle being bigger than the vial. I called my PCP’s nurse and she agreed to do it, but I can’t bring in the med to inject. They will show me how using saline. Okay. But that doesn’t solve the problem. I was never a nurse so have no idea how I am to draw the stuff using a big needle. I plan on bringing the vial anyways to show her and then maybe she can just give me a tip on how to draw the stuff. The doc gave me 1ML syringes and I am to draw 0.25 mLs. I got that part. I used to be a medical assistant so know how to draw but I asked for a smaller needle and didn’t get it. UGH!!! Anyways, Wednesday will be my starting day for transition. I hope I can do this!

I came home after the pick up of pain scripts. I also got some stuff at the pharmacy while I was there. I am so tired and my ankle is berserk right now. I stood too long waiting for the damn bus and walking around the hospital. I got a coffee while I was there, a real French vanilla coffee. It was so good. I had to sit for a while but that was a mistake because I didn’t want to get up afterwards. I was starving when I came home but I was also hot so went upstairs to change and rest a bit before eating. My mother was making butternut squash and eggplant. I decided to have the leftover chicken cutlets and squash. It was so good. Butternut squash is my favorite kind of squash. I usually just have it at Thanksgivings all mashed up with butter and brown sugar. But I just had it plain with a little salt on it. It was so good. Then I had a lemon yogurt for dessert.

I did a lot of shit today. I am so happy I didn’t injure my ankle again. I am going to try and just rest tomorrow but I might bake. I really want to try the lemon loaf I’ve been dying to make. I bought more lemons so I could make it. I think I am going to do it sometime this weekend. That is the plan anyway.

Useless appt that wasn’t so useless after all!!

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, transgender

Useless appointment wasn’t so useless after all!!!

I had a hard time sleeping. Pain was awful last night and had me really depressed. I woke up a few times before my alarm but didn’t do much. I was already maxed on stuff I could take and I didn’t want to take any Neurontin because it would give me a hangover. The alarm went off and although I didn’t want to get up, my bladder said I had to. I used the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I wasn’t sure if I would need an allegra but I brought it with me just in case. It was really cold out. I wore sweatpants as I didn’t feel like wearing jeans.

At least three buses I didn’t need came and went. Then my bus finally came. I had my espresso and a sandwich. I didn’t have time for writing because the trains were running behind due to a malfunctioning train. I played with my phone for a bit and then left. I really didn’t want to go to this appointment but it was the only way to get my female hormones.

My doc was on time. Usually she is late so this was good. She brought me to her office and right away she asked about my chart and how I wanted to be called. I thought that was odd so I told and stuff and then she said she would be happy to prescribe testosterone for me and I nearly fell out of my chair! She said she and an ID doc was going to lead a transgender clinic that would open in January. We talked more about my gender dysphoria and stuff. Then next thing I know we were talking about the hormones and how I would take it. I would have to kind of finish my birth control and then start T. That would be next week. I also need to be shown how to inject the stuff as I opted for that. She asked if my PCP’s office would do the training and I said I would ask. And then it was see you in four months!

She made my fucking day!! I don’t have to go to another clinic. I would have all my care at the same place, which makes it easier to have everyone on the same page, so to speak. She called in the prescription but the damn computer system didn’t let it go through. I have to email her and let her know about it. I am kind of waiting on what my PCP’s nurse will say but she is not giving me an answer until Wednesday. My therapist says I should just tell the doc they said no so another nurse can do it. I might go that route. My PCP’s office has been nothing but trouble. Just to get my fricken ear drops for my eczema has been a bitch. Two phone calls later I get the script. I go through this every year when the bottle expires.

I had such a range of emotion today. My pain has been bad most of the day but as it got colder, it seemed to get better. Kind of weird but I will take it. I only needed one BT med today, so far. I got to take my meds soon after I write this. Seems I have a pattern of writing a bunch and then playing on my phone, which delays the end of the blog. UGH. My sisters are excited that I will be starting hormones. It is definitely going to be a change. I didn’t bother telling my mother. I didn’t want her negativity to spoil my day. I am just going to have a beard one day and then maybe she will start to understand. I don’t know. Telling her I am how I am doesn’t seem to be enough.

Sunday Blog 23 Sept 18

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, cauda equina syndrome, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Blog 23 Sept 18

I saw my friend in the hospital today. It was good to see my friends. Even though I worked at the hospital and knew where to go, it was exhausting walking around. From the garage to the building he was at, just exhausted me. He wanted something in the café and that was another excursion. The café had changed so much I didn’t know where the ice machine was. By the time I found it and went back to the floor, then back to his room, said our good-byes, and then walked back to the garage, I was glad we didn’t go to the restaurant. There was no way I could walk there. My foot was really bothering me. I forgot my pain meds.

I came home. I wasn’t hungry right away but knew I needed something more than a few cookies that I had with my coffee earlier this afternoon. I rested and then the pain got bad. It was about 6 pm. I have noticed my pain seems to increase around 12 and 6 hours. I don’t think the extended release is doing anything. I am afraid to say this because they could just say they won’t give me anything. That will be worse. I also know that around 9 my pain is much worse but that is most likely because the extended release has worn off.

I waited a bit and then got hungry. I didn’t know what to have. In the end I decided a burrito would do. It would be a few seconds and no cooking would be involved. I had to take my meds. I didn’t fill my med box for the week so that took some doing. I brought up a bag full of powerades and my leg didn’t like that. I am in so much pain it’s not funny. I saw something on my big toe. It was some skin that was off. I pulled it off but didn’t want to tear it off. I cut it and tried to get it closer to the skin but the position I had to have my ankle/foot didn’t like it at all. I am so sick of being in pain.

I am also sick of the Kavanaugh proceedings. If he was a decent person, he should have withdrew his nomination by now but he must be an asshole like the rest of the elected GOP is. All throughout my Twitter it was football, baseball, and then bullshit tweets. It is driving me crazy and it is triggering me because it is making me remember my own sexual abuse that was between my ex and a family member. There is other abuse but I won’t talk about it because a few members of my family read my blog. The family member I mention is known to be a predator. The other one not so much. Still, I am on the fence on talking about it. But remembering it all doesn’t fucking help. I have therapy tomorrow so will try and bring it up. It will depend on how I feel. There is no point in texting my therapist about it because it will be ignored. Anything I want to talk about, it has to be in session only. Fucking sucks big time when you want to talk about something hard but have no idea how to and you think a text might be a Segway into it but it goes into the cyber void. It still might go to the cyber void when I talk about it in therapy. Sometimes I talk about stuff and I have no idea why I brought it up because he didn’t do this or that with what I told him. Sometimes I wonder why I continue to go, like what the hell is the benefit if I am not getting the help I am looking for. I am trying to write about this in the blog I am writing. I wanted to work on it today but I was too distracted with my friends coming to get me and then going to the hospital.

I shaved and showered. I am one week post my haircut and there is some semblance of it still present. I give it another week until I need to go back and get it cut again. My royalties for my kindle came in at a whopping $14 so I can afford a haircut now. Only thing that sucks is that I am not sure my new disability pass will come in before the end of the month to get the monthly pass. That will suck because I have a lot of appointments in Oct so will need the pass. Otherwise I have to keep track of the balance so I don’t get low. That is a pain in the butt because I will have to make sure I have money to put on the card if it does until the end of the month. I hope the new card comes this week so I can stop worrying.

First day of Fall 22-Sept-18

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

First day of Fall 22 Sept 18

I read a few chapters of the book “Helping the suicidal person” By Dr. Stacey Freedenthal. I bought it because I am a geek in suicidology and because I came to know the therapist through Twitter during a rough patch. I was extremely hopeless and she gave me links on her blog to help. This all lead me to write the therapist blog I have been meaning to write. I was almost done when I got a phone call. It was my friend’s husband saying that they located my elderly friend in the hospital and that was why he hasn’t been returning our phone calls. I am relieved. Tomorrow we are going to see him. So while we were talking, I lost my train of thought so decided to write another one, on a different topic.

Today has been cool. I woke up later than I wanted. I was debating on going to the bank or not and to do the errands I needed to do. I ended up going to the bank and then to the Stop and Shop for a few things. I came home and made a sandwich. I bought cold cuts. It and four cookies have been all that I have eaten today. I might have a burrito after I take my night meds. I am getting hungry again.

It got really musty in my room because I shut the fan off. I left to use the bathroom and when I came back, put the AC on but on a high temp so I didn’t freeze. I just need it to dehumidify my room. I plan on getting some damp rid stuff to control the odor. It is bad because of the rain and what not and I don’t have much air circulating because I keep my door closed to block the sounds of the TV downstairs. My allergies have been awful today for a low/medium count. Sinuses hurt and I have post nasal drip. Fucking sucks. I have year round allergies so I know part of it is the change in weather (for now). I should have taken another allegra this morning but didn’t because the pollen was low. Won’t do that again.

I got to shave my head. I haven’t decided if I am going to shower after or not. I really don’t want to. I might wait until tomorrow as I will be going out anyways. I want to take one this morning but it never happened. My mother said something about me sleeping late the last two days. I just ignored her. She doesn’t understand anyway. I went to request a refill of my ear drops as the eczema is back in my ear. The drops I have, have expired. Med isn’t in my med list. I have no idea when it was taken off. I am so annoyed because I go through this every single year since my new PCP and he always gives me a hard time filling the med. I wouldn’t request it if I didn’t need it. It is either use these drops or scratch the fuck out of my ear canal. Maybe I should tell him that. How did I get this moron???