Tag: CRPS

Another blog by phone: doctors suck when they don’t know what is wrong

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, disability, medical, mental illness, mood disorders, physical pain

Once again I am a ping pong ball between my psychiatrist and PCP. He doesn’t think my feeling crummy and fatigue has anything to do with my sodium levels even though I explained to the jerk that when I was 2 points lower I felt sick. Now I feel sicker because the damn sodium is lower! He has exhausted all medical tests to cause this so I am going with my fucking gut this is due to my mood stabilizer lowering my sodium levels causing this. So I am decreasing the dose by 300 mg. I see my psych tomorrow and I hope she won’t fight me on this and just repeat my tests in a week to see if there are changes.

The asshole wanted to discuss this AFTER my appt. No, not happening. Because you know what is after tomorrow? The weekend! Nothing will get fucking done until Monday and I am sick of feeling like crap so this is happening tonight. Fuck him. I want to see my therapist again without it being a big fucking ordeal. It is bad enough I get flares after I see him but to be totally wiped out the day after? No. I am just not letting this happen again. I waited 8 fucking years for the CRPS diagnosis. I am not waiting another week of back and forth to figure this out. I know it is the med. And if I am wrong, then I am wrong and we go from there. I am willing to be unstable to stop feeling like shit. It is my fucking life last I checked!

The pain program called me this morning. I had talked to them Tuesday saying I was sick and didn’t know when I was going to feel better. I guess they felt I already had too many cancellations so they discharged me. Thank god. I didn’t want to go anyway but was forced by the pain doc because I felt they wouldn’t prescribe my pain meds otherwise. I also went because my PT felt it was a good program but the program changed because they were not doing anything she said was available. I just had OT (occupational therapy) and physical therapy. I honestly felt the PT didn’t understand CRPS. I really didn’t. And like the PT I was seeing, this PT’s exercises caused flare ups. And it wasn’t the muscles that I was stretching but my damn foot because I had to exert pressure on. I won’t be going back. Ever.

Today I felt a little better but after I got my haircut, did some shopping, I was fatigued again. I felt like napping but it has been so hard to wake up. I hadn’t eaten anything all day except for 4 cookies with my coffee until my mother made dinner. I didn’t keep my fluids to 1L. Only because I haven’t had a shit in a week. I am so backed up it hurts. I took Miralax today and felt stuff moving but still nothing. Going to take some more fiber pills and hope for the best at this point. Just hope I don’t get colon blow.

Fatigue is killing me!!!

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Fatigue is killing me!!!

My alarm went off and I took my meds. I checked to see when my delivery would be here. It said in about 40 minutes. I quickly made some coffee and had a few sips when the truck came. The delivery didn’t include a few bottle of Powerade and the buffalo wings I had wanted to make for dinner. UGH. I guess it is ramen noodles or something. After I put everything away and then fixed the Powerade bottles so I could take a bag up to my room, I was exhausted. The weather took out my back so I was working slowly. Now I need a nap.

I emailed my psychiatrist around 8 last night to tell her I was frustrated with feeling like shit and being tired all the time worse than I usually am. I waited for a response and got none. It is now almost noon and still no response, I am ready to page her as I want to decrease my dose of my mood stabilizer even before my blood tests. I am just so fucking tired. Doesn’t help that my foot is going fucking bananas right now. It feels like a grater is grating the top of my foot. It is so sensitive right now.

I got an area of my stomach is killing me. Feels like gas is trapped and won’t go anywhere. Just fucking lovely. I have no idea if it is gas or shit. I don’t care but it better be moving because it hurts. I might take some miralax. That might work but if it doesn’t and works tomorrow, I am screwed because I will be out. I am ready to email my doc and say fuck it, I am decreasing my dose by 300 mg. And watch my sodium levels will be higher. (Don’t know if this will happen but I hope it will be so.)

I think I have to take some Neurontin because my foot is not calming down at all. Neuropathy is such a fun thing (being sarcastic here). It really sucks. But the pain is always so different. Drives me fucking crazy.

I am feeling really depressed and feeling like a nothing. Seems like everyone can do things I can’t. I hate that people can walk their dogs or go for walks period and I am over here struggling just to walk down my hallway and around the kitchen.

My lunatic aunt called to say to look out for my mother. When my mother came home, she called out for me. I asked what, and she told me I had a package. It was from my friend that is not doing so well. I honestly didn’t expect a package from him this year because of all his troubles. It was nice that he sent it to me. Now I got to get around to call him. Anyways, I went downstairs, barefoot, and then went to the kitchen where my ankle pain shot up so high my mother thought I was crying. I could have been the pain was so bad. I waited for it to pass but it didn’t. I opened the package and then put the fruit and nuts away. Then put the box in the recycle pile and went upstairs. I had to stop a few times because of pain.

I had a message from my psychiatrist when I got back to my room. WTF she didn’t understand what I have been telling her. I felt like telling her off but I didn’t. I simply said that if I don’t lower the dose of the medication, I won’t be seeing my pcp tomorrow because I will have no energy! I haven’t had a response. I honestly don’t expect one. It is my body and I will do whatever I want to get it so that it somewhat cooperates the way it is supposed to be and if taking 300 mg less of what I take will do that, so be it. I had a salty lunch of Ramen noodles and crackers. I had bought these crackers that were cheese and peanut butter but the filling was just peanut butter so the crackers must have been cheese crackers, I guess. They were good and salty so I didn’t care. If I am up to it, I might make a turkey Shepard’s pie. I really don’t want peas and pasta. I took some Neurontin to calm down the crazy nerve pain I am having. I have no idea if it is going to knock me out or make me goofy. Either case, I will be taking a nap soon and hope that my damn foot pain doesn’t increase. I am just so wiped out that if I don’t sleep, I don’t think I will be making anything.

Therapy, fatigue, and still feeling like shit

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, medical, mental illness, mood disorders

I managed a shower today. It kind wore me out but I was determined to see my therapist. The bus didn’t give a shit what I had planned as it was like a fucking half hour late. Starbucks didn’t have eggnog so I just had a mocha. I forgot extra shots. Doubt they would have done any good anyway. By the time I reached my therapist’s office, I was wiped out.

We started talked and I profusely apologized for missing Monday. I told him I felt like shit and I must have looked it because he asked if I wanted to go home. I said ok. I thanked him. I said I hope to see him Monday and have a good Thanksgiving.

I took an Uber home. I am glad I did because I was ready to pass out. I told my mother I would be going to bed and she asked if it was because of pain. I said no, I am tired because my blood counts are off. She was confused. I tried to explain it to her last week but she didn’t want to hear it. Now I was explaining it again. I need a salty diet and high protein and low fluids. I still don’t think she understood but not my problem. I went upstairs to change and hunker down. I am hungry but no idea what to eat. I finished off the last of the cold cuts. I want to order out but my funds are low. I get paid Monday though.

I wish I could say I am feeling better but I am feeling the same. Yesterday I slept all day and hope my activities today don’t wear me out so much. I had a rough night as I slept in pretty much the same position all night so was stiff and this or that hurt or was asleep. It is going to be the coldest Thanksgiving on record, with some parts reaching below zero. Much too early for this time of year. But the weather is whacky everywhere.

If you are in the US, I wish you a happy Thanksgiving. I am grateful you read my blog. Hope you have a good day tomorrow.

Sadness over madness

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, cauda equina syndrome, CES, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mental disorders, mental illness, mood disorders, physical pain

There was yet another shooting in the US. A hospital in Chicago lost an ER doc because of her fiance. We don’t know details because he is dead. An officer and a pharmacy tech were also killed. I am so sad over this. Docs are mad continues to happen while those in government do nothing. is becoming an every day thing. Innocent people are losing their lives because someone decides to take a life with a gun. I honestly think the more this is broadcasted the worst it will be. People must be thinking it is “ok” to do this, everyone is. Makes me so mad and sad.

I had to cancel my therapy appt last minute because I was stuck at the hospital trying to give a urine sample. My bladder was retaining so damn fucking bad. I felt I had to go. I knew I had to go. I had drank more than 1000 mLs of fluid. I was full or close to it but no, I wasn’t overflowing so nothing was coming out. I tried everything. It was so noisy in the lab. Soon as I went to a quieter bathroom, I finally was able to pee. I then had to walk back to the lab to drop off the sample. There was no way I would be on time. I would have like 15 minutes with him and that would be it. I hate having to cancel. Stupid bladder.

When I walked back to the station to go home, my heel was killing me. I don’t think it is plantar fasciitis. I am starting to think the steps I take are to harsh on my heel. It is so inflamed right now. I bought some gel inserts to try. I don’t know what else to do. My feet are freezing so I am not about to put ice on. I probably should. But with the whole CRPS thing, I fear I am causing damage than helping it.

My blood tests came back. My sodium is still low but higher than it was. My pcp sent me a letter but didn’t tell me if I need to keep doing the restrictions or not. Ugh. Idiot. So I emailed him back. Hope to get an answer tomorrow. I see him next week so will probably recheck my values again.

I was so damn exhausted. I ate a sandwich and then I passed out. I have no idea how long. I woke up with a bladder yelling at me. It was ready to explode. I was so disoriented. It was around 6 I woke up so I don’t think I slept too long. I was not rested. I just wanted to take my meds and go to sleep. But i was so cold. It was freezing in my room. It is a little warmer now. It is raining again. We are supposed to have a snow rain mix tomorrow. That is going to be fun as i got to go see the pain program social worker. I am going to be blunt like i usually am. I only had one session and canceled 2. I really don’t care anymore. I am not feeling well. I emailed the PT and OT about why I couldn’t make it. I am not doing the stretches at all anymore because it flares up my foot. I had a million and one pains last night. It was awful. I hadn’t hurt that bad in a while. Then when I was just about to doze off, my body jerk, causing my left rib cage to hurt. It was such a bad night. I have no idea how I got up this morning at 9 to be out of the house by 1030. I didn’t shower as I knew that would tire me out. I wish I went to therapy. The whole thing makes me want to quit. Like why bother seeking help when I have so much wrong with me.

My thoughts are with those employees of that hospital in Chicago. What a terrible thing to happen. It happened at my workplace. A secretary shot a cardiologist one morning. I was glad I was off that day. Total mayhem with police and news crews. The news were camped out for like a week. So stupid. Hope they all can talk about it so it doesn’t cause PTSD for them. That is my theory anyway. But sometimes it doesn’t work and does more harm than good.

Hope my pain eases and I sleep. Night all.