Tag: CRPS

CDC and Chronic Pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in cauda equina syndrome, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, suicide

“I invite chronic pain patients who rely on medications & are still alive, to offer their expertise to the public conversation.”
Terri A. Lewis, PhD

This statement just rubbed me the wrong way. In fact, it infuriated me because there are so many people taking their lives because they DO NOT get medications due to the opioid policies some doctors have. The CDC is proposing that primary care doctors PCP’s no longer prescribe narcotics for their patients. I haven’t read the report but it was stopped only because a lawsuit was threatened if it was published. The guidelines were written by people that had NOTHING to do with chronic pain. Therefore, it didn’t make sense for them to have these guidelines. I would write to them but I fear that if I do, I will be prosecuted for my actions down the line. Call me paranoid. I only take 4-6 pills a day and if that were cut, so would my life.

The statement also implies that taking these medications is a death sentence waiting to happen. This isn’t true. There are plenty of people who SAFELY take these medications daily and are still alive. Yes, there are some that do NOT because they go to different doctors and the combination of other opioids makes them sick. My ex’s neighbor died from an overdose because of this. Had one doctor been prescribing, her friend might have lived a little longer. She was terminally ill with something other than cancer. Obviously, she is the one that is “not alive” to come forward about these supposed guidelines.

If Primary care docs can no longer prescribe these medications, where are chronic pain patients supposed to go? “Pain clinics” only want to experiment and give injections, usually because it’s more money than writing a script. I have seen two pain doctors and they both didn’t want to take over the pain management I was under. They just offered invasive procedures and when I refused, I no longer was a part of their care. I’m sorry but there is no research to support that the injections would benefit me. I wish I kept the report that contradicted the injections. There was an article a few years ago that said that it was more dangerous to have them than not. I am not going to risk have something called arachnoiditis for the sake of a pain clinic writing a script for my pain meds, when the pain meds already work for me.

I need to have my primary care doctor continuing to prescribe me these medications. It’s safer and easier than seeing a specialist. The meds help me to function better, though I rarely take them when I am outside the house. They make me too drowsy to get on the bus and train. So I suffer through my pain to get to where I need to go. Taking my four tablets a day is not killing me. It’s keeping me alive enough to see another day. Because without them, I would seriously end my life. And I don’t think the CDC wants that.

It’s 0315 and I got Eric Church music on my Brain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

It’s 0315 and I got Eric Church music on my Brain

I woke up forty-five minutes ago. I decided to write a blog because it helps me sleep. Now I have Eric Church’s music running in my brain. No matter what, I can’t seem to turn his music off. I have been listening to his album, Mr. Misunderstood, for weeks now. I thought I could listen to something else, like Taylor Swift or Luke Bryan, but I always seem to come back to Church. I don’t know why I am so addicted to his music. Maybe because I can relate to at least three of his songs and the others I just like hearing the beat. His 3 year old song is very cute and my MP3 player seems to like it because it plays it more than the others.

The reason I am up is because of pain. I woke up to my ankle hurting me. I started reading Twitter and there was nothing good to read. Nothing was on Facebook either, though I answered someone’s reply on my support group. There is usually nothing going on during these hours. All I can do is take my pain meds and hope I go back to sleep. I have nothing else to distract me from the pain. I might try reading my book but it’s hard to concentrate when you are in pain. The pain has lessened somewhat so I hope that means I am sleep bound soon.

I had an app on my phone that was for my online grocery ordering. It’s no longer supported so I had to uninstall it. I like it because it beat having to go on my laptop when I thought of something to buy. I am not buying as much as I did last month. I am trying to keep it under $100. But it’s difficult because Stop and Shop is expensive. If they didn’t have my flavor of Powerade, I wouldn’t shop there. I would certainly be screwed though. You would think Lemon-lime would be in stock in most of the stores like Walgreens and Rite-Aid but they don’t have it. I can only get it at Stop and Shop. It saves me time when I order and then I don’t have to lug the stuff up the stairs. The delivery guy does it. I just have to put the things away.

Found out the place that I want to order my Chinese food for Christmas Eve is online. I don’t have to call to place the order. I am so glad because I hate calling on the phone. I still need to get their menu. I was going to get it today but they weren’t open. I will get it next week when I see my neurosurgeon. I like ordering combination plates because it is cheaper than buying things individually. But I didn’t see dinner combos, just lunch and there was no indication that it was served all day.

If it wasn’t so early in the morning, I think I would make coffee. I haven’t had it all week. When I do get up later this morning, I am going to make my Brazil coffee. I want still need to buy another bag of it while it’s still in stock. I can’t let this pass. I also need to see if the liquor store in the Square sells a particular stout I am looking for. It’s a Mexican chocolate stout and is supposed to be really good. I am not really a stout person but I find I like them better than a beer because it doesn’t taste like beer. It’s heavier and richer but I think with the chocolate and other flavors, it won’t be hoppy. It’s very rare that I will drink beer as I am more for hard liquor. When I drink, I want to get drunk, and fast. Plus this stout is like 8.1% alcohol. I hope they have it. It will make me happy.

Cramping and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, cauda equina syndrome, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Cramps and other things

Last night, I fell asleep sometime after the 7th inning of the Cubs/Mets game. Mets won and will be going to the World Series!!! Baseball season is still going on and as long as it is, I will be paying attention. I fell asleep before the game was over. It was a blow out anyways and I didn’t think the Cubs were going to come back. Unfortunately, I must have moved my ankle the wrong way while I was sleeping because it cramped up pretty good. I couldn’t get it to straighten out without manually pushing it. I hate when I get cramps like that. It’s around 0415 when it started. I am glad it went away but now I can’t sleep. I took my pain meds and some Ativan in case the cramps come back. My ankle is really hurting from being contorted so I am hoping the pain meds help.

I was reading my Twitterline last night and a family doctor that I follow tweeted about a study of back pain and narcotics, saying that it wasn’t any good. I didn’t read the article because I knew it would upset me. I have heard over the years that the pain med I take is not good for acute pain, just chronic pain. Now I have this article and I don’t know what to think. I just know that if I was given pain meds when I first hurt my back, I might have avoided seeing a chiropractor and not ended up with cauda equina syndrome! I might have ended up with it the second time, anyway as I certainly wasn’t seeing a chiropractor then. If you have herniated discs, I encourage you NOT to see a chiropractor. I am not writing off the whole profession, just be wise that not all of them care about your spine and will want to keep you as a patient for as long as possible. I was helped before I got injured but then after I got injured, I wrote them off because I had herniated discs or slipped discs. Any spinal manipulation can cause CES if you have herniated discs. And don’t get me started on epidural injections. Those are just a money maker for doctors and have no real benefit for YOU. There is a 50% chance you might be helped and a chance you could get worse symptoms. I have scar tissue on my back (four back surgeries will do that) and in my nerves so I will NEVER get a shot in the back, no matter how enticing the doc may be.

I think the Mets and the Blue Jays are going to be in the Series. I could be wrong. Jays are facing a won game elimination so they really need to come back if they are to play. I really don’t want to the Royals to win.

My old laptop battery is dead. It cannot be revived. I luckily found one that was cheaper than $50 at Office Depot on Amazon.com. I love Amazon, I can get practically anything there. I always make sure that I go over $35 so I get free shipping. This order, I am ordering a bunch of baseball movies. I don’t know if I will be able to play them on my laptop as the screen is messed up, I might have to wait. But I got the classics like Sandlot, Major League and a League of her own. I wanted Bull Durham but it’s out of stock right now. I figured the movies might help my baseball depression, though it’s slowly moving toward my regular depressive state. I keep having thoughts of ending my life. I imagine doing something that takes my life away and then my niece finds me. It is unsettling because I don’t want her to be the one that finds me. It will be too traumatic for her. Not to say it will be any easier on another person, but a little kid would be too much.

One of the authors that I follow on Facebook posted pictures of this new writing space. I wish I could clear my room so I can get to my desk and then clear off my desk so I can have a space to write. Maybe it will be better than writing from my bed all the time. It might help me mentally not to have all that junk on my desk. I know most of it are my disability papers and old invoices and such. I haven’t touched them in more than two years so I think it’s safe to junk them. My author friend had his laptop and an old typewriter, but no paper. I found this odd. How are you supposed to type if you have no paper? It was very tidy, which kind of unnerved me. I am not a neat freak. I can’t stand things in proper places. I like clutter, but not too much. Unfortunately, I have a ton of clutter and can’t get out from underneath it. I have a bunch of my clothes in a box right now because I just can’t get to my closet because of stuff. It may sound strange but the clutter makes me feel more grounded and packed in. I like it even though it drives my family members crazy. Sometimes it does annoy me, especially when I am looking for something and can’t remember where it is.

Meds are kicking in now. I hope I wake up in time to make pancakes. I am addicted to oatmeal pancakes. They are my favorite food right now. It will be a good hearty breakfast. Until later.

Weird Therapy Day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Weird therapy day

I am not having a good day. I woke up in the early morning hours in pain and then woke up an hour after I fell asleep. I just can’t get this pain under control. My mother decided to call me when I was just waking up and I didn’t want to talk to her so let it go to voicemail. I waited a little bit before going downstairs as I wasn’t completely woken up. When I did see her, she berated me for not answering the phone, like it was some emergency. She wanted me to let the gas man in the house to fix the meters. No can do as I have my therapy appointment. She wanted to go shopping. Tough shit.

I tried to have therapy today but my therapist’s phone just wasn’t cooperating. So we had the session via text message as that seemed to be the only thing her phone could do. So half the session was via talk and the rest via text. Interesting. We didn’t get much accomplished as you can imagine, though my therapist is a fast typer, faster than me. She still wants me to try and find someone face to face. I gave her the number for the center I found in my area that might be able to help me. I am not calling. I can’t stand the thought of being turned down or told to be put on a waiting list for months.

I told my therapist I was depressed. I am not eating, I don’t care about anything, and I have no energy. I am just so tired. And trying to find a new therapist in the mix of this is just dragging me down. I see my pdoc tomorrow and she wants me to tell her what I am feeling. I don’t know why I should bother. It’s not like she is going to help. I am getting a headache just thinking about it. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up, ever. I have to get up early tomorrow (which shouldn’t be a problem as I am up anyways) to get to this appointment with my pdoc. I really don’t want to go. I will just be wasting her time, like I am wasting my therapist’s time. I don’t know how they can stand me.

I told my therapist about Jack and Hyde and unfortunately, the phone cut out so I have no idea what she was saying. It was a very stressful session. I think she is going to get a new phone, least I hope she does. I understand why she doesn’t want to get a new phone but this has got to be a reason for getting a new one. I had to get a new phone because my phone was just not working anymore. And if the phone just doesn’t work anymore, what the hell is the point of using the device??

I am in a lot of pain today. The weather warmed up by twenty degrees. I am aching all over. But because I haven’t eaten anything substantial, I can’t take my NSAID pill. I have to have a full meal, not a small bag of popcorn. I just don’t want to make anything. I doubt I could because the gas people are working on the meters so I don’t think I can use the stove. I am so depressed, I don’t care. I just took some pain meds and an Ativan to get back to sleep. If my mother needs help with the damn groceries, I am going to be in dreamland. I just hope I don’t wake up, though I probably will. I didn’t take more than what is prescribed to me. Though I do feel like it. I really can’t because I don’t want to lose the trust of my doctors. That means a lot to me. I still haven’t figured out what I am going to say to my pdoc tomorrow. I know she will want some more information about my therapist and I just hope I don’t break down and cry. That is my biggest fear.

Other than writing this blog, I don’t have anything else I need to do today. I still need to find a quote for tomorrow’s “Quote of the Day”. It’s getting harder to find because the book is almost finished. I might have to start looking into his other books. I am finding it fun to have this type of blog. Once I have exhausted Dr. Shneidman’s works, I suppose I could go to Kay Redfield Jamison. She has a lot of quotes.