another day of chronicity

Another day of Chronicity

I had to pick up my prescription, even though it was ordered wrong, I decided to get it. I also needed some other things at Walgreens and so did my mother. I should have taken the rolling bag that I usually use but I used a handbag instead. Huge mistake. By the time I got to the end of the block, my back was aching me. The stuff I had was not heavy. I mean how heavy could 4 boxes of tissues and a thing of juice really be? Plus I had to be careful of my steps because there were parts that weren’t shoveled. I ended up walking in the street most of the way home, being mindful to look up every so often so I didn’t get hit by a car. I had only worn a heavy sweatshirt and I was sweating big time by the time I came home. I had to change my shirt as it was wet. My back was killing me and I couldn’t wait to rest on my bed.

I think I got a cold sore on my lip and it hurts. I have tried several different lip balms but it won’t go away. Guess I am going to have to wait it out. My foot is thanking me kindly for going to Walgreens. I wasn’t going to go but I am almost out of Neurontin so I needed to get my prescription. I wanted to email my neuro and tell her she called it in wrong but I didn’t. I’ll just take lump sums of the 300 mg capsules when I need them rather than taking less pills with the 600 mg tabs. I really am disgusted that my neuro didn’t read my email to change the script.

I had to deal with a troll on Twitter today. I had sent an article about the EFFECT of crisis response plans vs safety contracts. NO where in the article did it say the effectiveness or effective nature of safety contracts. So this bozo, who I have dealt with before, says “should ‘effective’ and safety contract be used in the same sentence”? That wasn’t the scope of the article!! Then I pointed that out to him, after he caused memes and gifs, and other conversations. No response, as usual. I did get a like for pointing out the difference. But everyone else ignored me. Figures. I am having a friend get the article for me as I am not paying $35 for the article. He goes to psych grad school so can get it easily. I need it for my library.

I got an email from my psychiatrist. It was about a group dealing with chronic pain and she was wondering if I was interested in joining. I just sent an email to the interested party and I hope I get a response. I also left a message with a potential new therapist that my friend gave me. I was kind of nervous so it was terrible. I hate leaving messages. I haven’t received a call back yet. I hope I do. I might send her another email as she didn’t respond to the first one. I am really missing having someone to talk to every week. I like talking to my psych every week but we don’t focus on things and it’s not really therapy.

When I see my psych this Friday, I am going to ask her to see if going up on the Zoloft would help me. I have been in a low mood and wonder if increasing the med might help me feel better and not be so destructive when I have a flare up. I hate increasing it but if it will help, I will be for it. It’s been months since my last increase. I just hope I don’t get side effects of an increased dose. That wouldn’t be good. I know my psych is worried about me because I have been seeing her every week since January. Usually I see her every 2-3 weeks. But with the whole no therapy, she has been my sole support. I miss my therapist. I hope the therapist I called today has openings or I will be really sad.

Weird day

I was up all night because of pain. I caught a two hour nap and then woke up at 5. I made breakfast as I was hungry, took a shit load of meds, and went back to sleep. Before I did, I emailed my psych saying I wasn’t going to the hosp today. I might go in the afternoon but the morning was out. 

I had a weird dream, one I don’t care to remember because it was so bizarre. I got up and was hungry. It was around 3 pm.my mother wasn’t making anything special so I decided to order a burrito. It was good. They again didn’t give me sour cream or guacamole in it. It was fine.

I went up to my room and it was a sauna. My mother had turned up the heat. I was so hot I took my shirt off and took a nap.I shouldn’t have done that but I was tired. I woke up just in time for my night meds.

I counted each one out as I didn’t have them in my box. Tonight will be the last time doing so. I’m not going to the hospital so I can put my meds in the box tomorrow. I’ll take my chances with my flare ups. I don’t care.

having a hard time with pain and sleep

Having a hard time with pain and sleep

I slept barely two hours and when I woke up, I was in pain. It was severe enough that I had to take another strong pain pill. Because I went to bed so late, I have decided not to go to the hospital today. I am medicating myself until I sleep for hours on end. I don’t know if I will be successful but I can at least try.

I made breakfast. We are almost out of orange juice so I had apple juice. I was kind of pissed off because I really wanted OJ. My mother bought milk but didn’t buy juice. Figures. I will get some later this afternoon when I go to Walgreens to pick up my wrong prescription. My neurologist called in a refill for the Neurontin but didn’t give me the strength I requested. She just refilled the script that was there. I am so angry because I specifically told her what I wanted in the email. Pisses me off when they can’t fucking read. Now I got a bottle of pills that I need to take multiple quantities of to achieve the dose I need. Just lovely.

I had a sore on my lower lip that was kind of small. Now it seems to have gotten bigger overnight and I just want to slice it open to let the shit out. I’ve been putting Blistex on it but it doesn’t seem to be helping any. It hurts but only if I accidentally hit it while eating. Having breakfast this morning was a challenge. Every bite hurt.

I’m getting sleepy now so I will write more later. I am still waiting for my psych to answer my emails.

Snowy, Sleepy Sunday

Snowy Sleepy Sunday

Well, we had snow, though it’s been coming in spurts rather than all at once. I don’t know if that is good or bad. I guess the heavy stuff is going to happen later tonight. I plan on packing my bag tonight just in case the weather isn’t bad tomorrow morning and I can go into the hospital. If not, the plan is still to go in on Tuesday, when most of the snow will be cleared. It’s still not clear to me whether snow is in the forecast for tomorrow. According to Weather bug app it is, but the weathermen haven’t said. So weird. Guess I will find out tomorrow.

I haven’t done anything today except sleep. My foot is still bothering me and I just don’t want to do anything. My mother made some kind of bean soup with chickpeas so I didn’t have dinner. I don’t like chickpeas. They make me sick. She never called me down for supper so I guess she decided to mix everything together. She had like four different pots on the stove. I guess I will make some eggs for supper. I am kind of hungry. All I had to eat was my cake.

My friend annoyed me on Facebook. She always wants to chat but she never responds after she sends me a message until later. It’s like what is the point if you aren’t going to chat right away. Just annoys me. Or she will start a conversation and then go to Walmart or CVS so I am left hanging for a half hour or more. Just talk to me when you have time or don’t bother. Or at least tell me you are going out and will be back soon so I am not left hanging.

I’ve been in a low mood for most of the day because of pain. I need to take my night meds soon but I can’t fill out my med box because I will be going to the hospital. Which reminds me, I got to fill out a sheet of how I take my meds. I am not looking forward to it but I think it will be easier and no mess ups if I write it out as clear as day. Least I am hoping that to be the case. We’ll see if it works out the way I want it to.

I think there has been thunder snow happening because there have been some loud booms. I can’t really tell if it’s that or if it’s just the snow crashing off the roof tops. It’s loud and scares me.

My brother in law just called saying he made some dinner. He made chicken thighs and potato salad. I really don’t like chicken thighs. I don’t feel like going downstairs so I am just going to text him thanks but no thanks. I’ll make scrambled eggs for supper. It’s my go to when I don’t know what else to eat.