Tag: name change

Update hosp

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, physical pain

I am so livid!!!! Asswipe have transferred me to the crummy hosp I was in in July. If I get the same treatment team, I am signing a 3 day. Fuck this shit. 

Med screw up. Night meds are day meds. My mood stabilizer they only have at night, not morning. And my hormone pill hasn’t been approved by pharmacy yet. If I get my menses over a missed dose, there will be hell. I didn’t bring the proper attire for that shit. Ugh. I am not fucking happy. 

Back is fricken hurting from the beds. I might as well be sleeping on concrete. I did get some sleep so that was good. Not doing shit today. I’m too sleepy and want to just be alone. 

My name is a fucking issue. I legally changed my name and they are refusing to change it in the system. WTF. I told them I changed it last week but no avail. I will be giving them the insurance card I just received. Maybe that will do something. 

This hosp wasn’t planned so I am out of sorts. My psych is hopeful they can help me. I seriously doubt it if I get Bonnie and Clyde. I told them which doc/team I wanted. And that Bonnie and Clyde are asswipe.

I got a single again. Transgender has its perks. Sucky part is they know I have trouble walking so they put me farthest from the nurse’s station. They always do this. Assholes. They had to dump my water bottles because they were open. Ugh. Wasn’t happy about that either! But the water cooler water is decent so I’ll have water. I brought a cup with me to I would use less Styrofoam. They also have enhanced water which is flavored but no calories. I really like it.

I won’t find out who my team is until rounds, which will be in a few hours. I probably won’t see anyone until the afternoon so I can sleep this morning. I was up for close to 20 hours yesterday. Hope it doesn’t cause a hypomanic episode. I’m still mad they screwed up my mood stabilizer. Everything is in the damn computer because everything is linked. Fucker. I’ll get it straight when I see the doc. 

When I was signing in to a voluntary admission, I was tempted to not sign until I knew who my treatment team was. I don’t know if I do have to sign a 3 day if today will count. The rules surrounding that are weird. If I sign and have to stay the weekend, I’ll be pissed. Please send good vibes that I get the team I want.

running around continued

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Running around continued

I got the zipcar this morning and went to the Social Security office. I should have looked up the address before leaving but I didn’t. I drove right by it, twice. I waited about an hour to be called. There was some traffic on the way home. My mother wanted me to stop and get her some stuff at the grocery store. She wanted deli meat and bread. I also wanted to see if I could find a 9×9 or 10×10 pan. No luck. So I went to Stop and Shop as I still had some time to kill before returning the car. They didn’t have it either so I settled on an 8×8. I then returned the car. As I was walking home, my ankle was hurting. I had to stop at Walgreens to pick up my scripts and of course there was a line. The regular pharm tech wasn’t there. My ankle wasn’t happy to stand. By the time I got home, I was hurting really bad. I am still hurting.

I had overnight oats for breakfast. It was okay. There was only one kind and it had coconut in it. I love coconut shavings but not really the flavor. While I was at the grocery store, I bought lunch, some buffalo chicken wings. I should have bought two packages. Oh well. It was really good and not too hot. I am hungry now but going down the stairs is going to hurt. I emailed my PT to see if maybe wearing a boot will help as any movement really hurts, weight bearing or not. I got to keep my ankle/foot immobilized in order to stay pain free. I only hesitate to wear it because it knocks my hip out of whack, which then hurts my back.

I got into a low mood last night and emailed my psych that I was done. I was giving up. Monday would be our last appt. It might change but it might not. I don’t know. I hate being ambivalent but it’s the nature of the beast. My mood kind of sucks right now. I am in a lot of pain. Meds have taken away some of it but it’s still always there. I know I will never have zero pain, even with the meds. But I want them to take more than just the edge off sometimes. If they can bring my pain to my baseline, that would be great. It really sucks that I had to decrease my Zoloft due to side effects. I feel it helped me cope with things better.

Big goings on with the Red Sox today. A lot of their coaches have been hired by other teams since the firing of John Farrell. They have name a new manager, Alex Cora, who used to play with the Sox. I like him and think he will be good for the team. Just stinks he has to hire new coaches now as well as to get to know the players. I really would love to see Jason Varitek as their pitching coach. I love Varitek when he played our catcher. He is so very handsome and a good player that was classy and knew the game well. I miss seeing him every day. I follow his wife on twitter as he doesn’t have any social media accounts. The Skanks fired their manager today. I am not surprised as he really wasn’t producing for them. They made it to the playoffs but didn’t win any pennants. Not that I feel bad or anything. I didn’t like him, but only because he played for our rival team. I honestly don’t know anything about him like I do their other manager, Joe Torre. I respect Joe. He is one of a kind.

lot of “running” around today

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Lot of “running” around today

I had a bad night of sleeping. I didn’t fall asleep until after 0330. My check came in at 3, so I paid some bills and ordered a new laptop screen and groceries. It has been a long time since I ordered from Ebay so the password thing was ridiculous. I was doing it all from my phone and it was hard. I miss my laptop so much. I hope I ordered the right screen and I can install it without a problem. It will be delivered Monday.

I slept but it wasn’t a good sleep as I woke up several times. I kept on turning on my back, which caused my back to hurt, waking me up. I woke up around 11 and didn’t want to get up but had to make some calls to begin the process of changing my name on things. Benefits called me saying to call them back. I did and they said I had to call another HR person to change my name, even though it was changed in the system. I called the HR person and they didn’t know what to do with me so they told me to call my generalist HR person. I left her a message and she called me back, though she didn’t know what to do. I had to fax her the certification of my name change. This was after I had already faxed my credit cards their stuff. One credit card I have to mail in the documents they need, which is my license with the new name. I hope to do this Friday but it depends if I have the money to do it as I need to renew my license as well. It might be too early. I am not sure. I need to go to the RMV office as I can’t update online, probably because I need a new picture.

After the faxing, I went to my bank to change my name. It was a learning experience for the two women. I gave a shout out to them on twitter. I was able to get a new debit card at the branch, which was cool. I was worried because I will need my card to pay my bills tomorrow when my bigger check comes in. My ankle started hurting big time when I came home. I hope I am not up till 3 again. I am really tired. I did over 3,000 steps today, according to the health app on my phone. The yesterday I did over 6,000, which is a record for me.

My bro in law had a plumber work on the heating system today. I was glad I was out of the house as he had me turn it up to 90. It was hot and humid today so being outside was better than being in with the heat being turned on. It was still sweltering when I came home. I have the AC on to cool things off. I really don’t want to go to PT tomorrow. I might cancel, if I wake up early enough. Depends on how I feel. My ankle has been going all month more than any other month. My stamina is not what it used to be, either. I am really tired but because of pain, I can’t sleep. Last night, I really wanted to put a cast on my foot/ankle because any movement caused me severe pain. At one point, it hurt so bad after I moved it I just wanted to die right then and there. I was punching my pillow and screaming it hurt so much. I learned that I couldn’t kick off the comforter with my bad foot. I was hot and just wanted the sheet on me. Bad move! I don’t know what I was thinking. If I do go to PT tomorrow, I am going to ask her if I can put my ankle in the boot I have. Maybe that will help. I don’t know. The braces that I have are not helping to keep it from moving. I know that might not be a good thing but it hurts to move it the way it should. And it drives up my suicidality when I am in severe pain like that.

rollercoaster of a day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Rollercoaster of a day

I woke up after 8. I tried to go back to sleep but it wasn’t happening. I got up and used the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and then went back up to my room. I wanted to be at the courthouse around 11 or so. I left around 0930 to the Square to get breakfast and my espresso. The bus was early as they had earlier delays. I wasn’t complaining. I got to Starbucks and their oven was broke so I couldn’t get a hot breakfast sandwich. The girl knew me so gave me two comp cards. I thought that was nice of her. I drank my espresso and wrote in my journal. I left around quarter of 11 to catch the bus to the courthouse. I wasn’t in too much pain and I hope it stayed that way. I wore a short sleeved shirt and it was cold. I was hoping it was going to warm up but it never did. I went to the courthouse okay and was in and out. I got my paperwork. It is now legal. I am G Collerone. I was on cloud nine but I did but didn’t feel good about it. I took a pic of the doc and sent it to everyone. Without me realizing it, my phone made a copy of each text I sent. I have like 10-15 copies of the 1 pic I sent out. I’ll delete them when I am bored.

I had to come home and get a sweatshirt. While waiting for the bus at the train station, a homeless man approached me wanting me to play him a song on my phone. As I was pulling up the song, my bus came and said sorry, got to go. I went to the back of the bus. He came on the bus and stunk it up with his booze smell. He also was drinking. Lovely. Luckily, he got off before I did. I came home and my mother was home from her doctor’s appt. I showed her the document and she gave me a disgusted look. Then said she was still going to call me my birth name. I argued with her but it did no good. Talk about a buzzkill. I tried to not let it bother me but it’s so hard. I talked to a few friends and the feelings passed. I then called my insurance to let them know of my name change but they said I should call my employer or it might go back to my birth name. I called my benefits place and I needed to fax the document over to the HR in charge of my case. I left the house for the bus that never came. I was so pissed. I had to take the next route, which didn’t go to the Square directly. I had to catch another bus to get there. I had wanted to go to my bank to see what documents they needed to change my name but I didn’t have time. I’ll do that tomorrow. I was able to fax to my former workplace where I still receive benefits. I am glad this happened before open enrollment, which is next month. Tomorrow I will call my bank to see what they need and my prescription insurance to change my name. So many things to do.

After the fax was sent, I went to my therapist’s office. I had emailed him a safety plan and that I was planning on ending my life soon, which was why next week would have been our last session. I went in and saw that he printed out the form. I was shocked. We talked about things and he gave his impressions of what goes on with me when I become suicidal. It was fairly accurate. We filled out the form. So now I have a safety plan to go to when I get the suicidal urges. I feel better that he did this with me because I was really feeling like he wasn’t going to and that I was again alone with my suicidality. I have put the date off, for now, because I am looking forward to transitioning as a male. I think I can do this.