you wrecked my whole world when you came
The title is from Luke Combs Hurricane song. I have been listening to it on repeat because he got married yesterday to his long time girlfriend. I am so damn happy for him.
I don’t know what is going on with my stomach but I got the fricken runs for the third day in a row. I have been trying to keep up with Powerade but it has been tough trying to drink. I have been trying to drink every twenty minutes or so but I keep forgetting. I think I got to put a timer on so I can stay hydrated. I really don’t want to go to the ED for dehydration.
I had therapy today. She gave me a list of three things to do before our next appointment this week. I know she is concerned now because she is seeing me twice this week. I am to make a playlist, a puppy/kitten slideshow, and eat chocolate. I don’t have chocolate so I will have to buy some when I go to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription. My NP has agreed to put me back on sertraline for now. I just hope it doesn’t make me sick. I figure I have at least two months before the nausea/reflux will start. I haven’t told my therapist yet. I will when I see her on Thurs.
After therapy I went to the Square. I stopped in Starbucks for a drink. I got a cloud caramel macchiato. It was so good. Then I went to the butcher shop to get steak and burgers. If I feel up to it, I will make turkey bacon for my burger. I don’t think I have sandwich pickles anymore. I miss having them for the burgers. I will use dill relish instead. Not the same but close to it.
I have been dealing with a low key depression since therapy. I just feel deflated, like all the air has been sucked out of me. Doesn’t help that I keep having anxiety attacks where I feel like I can’t breathe. I have to remember to breathe by taking deep breaths. One of the mental health Twitter accounts I follow showed the box breathing method that my therapist showed me a few weeks ago. I have been using it on and off. It is kind of tricky because you got to hold the inhale and exhale breaths for four seconds. I half want to take an Ativan to calm myself but I don’t want to be medicated during the day.
Sox are off tonight. They lost last night because of my *favorite* pitcher fucked up a pitch to the fugly Aaron Judge. He was so hot last night. He hit two homeruns and got a few more hits. I hate the Skankees so much. They swept us.
I got to find a meditation thing that I like. The last two that I have tried I didn’t like and I know there are thousands so I just got to keep searching. It is so hard though when you are struggling to try and find something because it just gets annoying. I rather listen to music anyway than do meditation.