Tag: chronic pain

Sunday Blog 29 October 2017

I woke up sore and in pain. I took some pain meds and an Ativan to go back to sleep. I didn’t want to face the day at all. I was starting to feel the effects around 9 and went back to sleep. I then woke up around 1400. I went downstairs to use the bathroom and then make something to eat. I wasn’t really hungry so just had a bowl of cereal. I figured if I got hungry later, I could have the pasta I made yesterday. There was a lot of leftover.

I woke up again around 1730. I wasn’t hungry and didn’t want to get up at all. I still need to fill my med box for the week. My mother had called but I haven’t called her back to see what she wanted. She never leaves a message other than call me back. Drives me crazy.

My hands are hurting today. They feel arthritic. It’s cold and damp today so that maybe why. My ankle/foot is still hurting. For some reason, I still feel bloated, even though I haven’t eaten anything but the bowl of cereal this afternoon. I felt sick after I took my meds last night. I think I am going to decrease the Zoloft to just 50 mg and see if that helps. I’m seeing my psych tomorrow morning. I am kind of nervous seeing her. I always am when I email her my dark moods.

Paying the price of “normal”

I woke up around 5 in pain. I took some meds and luckily went back to sleep. I woke up around 10. I had made some overnight oats to have for breakfast so I had that. Then I got busy making my gravy (tomato sauce). My ankle was feeling okay so after I had things going, I decided to make my Nantucket cranberry cake as well. I made coffee as I was preparing the ingredients for the cake. I had to melt butter and let it cool. I tried to stay off my feet as much as possible but, like I said, I was feeling good so went a little too much standing. After putting the cake in the oven, I added meatballs to the sauce and let that simmer for another hour. I finished my coffee and played with my phone.

I had to do the clean up and I was procrastinating doing it. I wanted to make spaghetti for lunch so as I was going to the porch to grab a box, my ankle said no. That ended the feeling good. I put the boot on and went about making spaghetti. The sauce was almost cooked. And when I came back with the box of spaghetti, the cake was done as well. I stuck a toothpick in the center to make sure and it was done. I let it cool on the stove. My mother told me to make the box of spaghetti so we could have it for dinner. I made the whole pound. I had a few meatballs while I was waiting for the water to boil. Then I went back out to the porch to grab some plastic containers to store the goodies. I planned on giving some sauce and cake to my psych when I see her on Monday. I also plan on bringing some cake to my barbers.

I had a bowl of spaghetti when it was done. Then I had a piece of cake. It was still warm and it was good. I love this cake. I then set about doing the dishes and clean up. I washed a few of the big bowls and what I used to make the spaghetti. Then my back had enough of standing. I soaked some of my t-shirt as I was rinsing a pan. That was fun. Never fails to get take a bath while I wash dishes. I was having some pain in my foot and I was getting exhausted from doing everything. I decided to take a nap and then finish washing the stuff. I went up to my room to take some pain meds and when I took off the boot, my malleolus (ankle bone) exploded in pain. Sometimes it is just a flash of pain that goes away so I lied down to nap and the pain got worse. I was in agony. I started crying because the pain was so bad. I needed to take some strong pain meds but I couldn’t move due to pain. The slightest movement of my ankle cause the pain to intensify, which only made me cry harder. I eventually rolled over and sat up to take my meds. I then posted to my support group about the pain I was having. So much for trying to be normal today.

Between my regular and strong pain meds, the pain is under control again. I am still sleepy. I wanted to sleep but I didn’t dare lie down again for fear of pain. I read twitter and came across and interesting tweet about Ireland’s shameful history. I read the article. It was about a mother and baby home for illegitimate children or children that were born out of wedlock. Usually these women were the victims of incest as they were young as 15. Once the babies were born, the mother usually stayed for a year and then they were forced out to look for work. The babies were left behind to be cared for by the nuns. One woman who had walked by the home when she was going to school had wondered about the children there and became obsessed in finding out more. It was a dark story about how the land was built over and the abandoned septic systems were like graveyards of the young children, from a few weeks old to age 3. It was a very interesting story. Here is the link to the story if you are interested: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/10/28/world/europe/tuam-ireland-babies-children.html?smid=tw-nytimes&smtyp=cur

I got hungry after reading so went downstairs for some meatballs. My mother had finished washing what I left. She wanted me to wipe down the counters. I did that and put away the food, except for the cake as it didn’t need to be refrigerated. My ankle didn’t like this. I went out the porch to grab some bottles of water and then went back up to my room. I feel really sad that I couldn’t have a day without pain. I know I probably did too much but I wanted to do this. Now I am paying the price for trying to be “normal”. I hope I am able to sleep tonight.