Tag: chronic pain

lousy rainy painful day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Lousy Rainy Painful Day

I woke up in pain and didn’t sleep all that well last night so I had to cancel my dinner date with my friends. I was in too much pain. The rain didn’t help matters. I have been sleeping all day. I didn’t eat so when I woke up, I was hungry. I ordered a burger and onion rings. It was good. The onion rings were a little burnt but it was okay.

Oh, yea, My book is available on Kindle!! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MY2V8TF/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1483019682&sr=1-1&keywords=collerone

Check it out when you have a chance. I decided to go ahead with the electronic version first because the PDF looked ok. I want to see what the book looks like before I okay that. I should be getting the proof tomorrow. I expedited shipping so I could receive it faster.

I finally took a shower today. While I was taking my nap, I was sweating something fierce. My pjs were wet. I didn’t pee myself, which is what I thought at first but my underwear was dry. I was really hot under the covers. My mother has a cold so she has the heat on high. I am roasting in my room and will turn on the ceiling fan, again, soon.

I have been in an awful mood today because pain kept me from my friends. I feel really bad but there is nothing that I can do about it. I can’t walk, I can’t walk. Just bothers me. I just don’t want my friends to think that I am stiffing them.

My protein drinks came today. All in one fucking shipment. Thing weighed a ton. I think the heavier box was the Ensure. I got a case of that because there aren’t enough calories with the other protein drinks. I bought yogurt and puddings to help. I need sugar. I know it’s bad when you are on a diet but the drinks are sugar free and I know my body isn’t going to like that for three weeks. For six days, I will be watching my niece. I might have to stop the diet for that time so that we can at least eat the same foods. I would feel bad if she ate pizza (my favorite) and I had a protein drink.

I need to ship some stuff to a friend of mine tomorrow. I hope I am not in too much pain because I got to go to my PCP’s office to pick up my prescription and get it filled. I was going to get it today but that didn’t work out too well. I never called the dentist either. I can’t remember if I brushed my teeth this morning or not. I will have to do it before bed. I meant to brush while in the shower but my foot was acting up. I can only stand for so long and today I didn’t want to test how long. I had to put thermal socks on my feet because they were freezing by the time I got up to my room. My room might be really warm but the house is cold, despite the heat being on. I don’t understand it.

I hope I am not up all night like I was last night. I don’t think I can stand two nights in a row of not sleeping and being in pain all night. It might drive my death date sooner rather than later. I’m so tired of being in pain.

phoneless

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Phoneless

Because of the fiasco with losing my phone on my birthday and panicking, I no longer have use of my phone because it has been transferred to the replacement phone, which I don’t have. Due to red tape, I can’t have use of my phone until the replacement one has been delivered back to Sprint. I have no idea how long that is going to take. I wish they fucking told me this. Assholes.

I feel like a limb has been cut off. I hate not being able to use my phone. Sure I can use the apps through wifi but I can’t text my family members or anyone else for that matter. It sucks. I was supposed to meet with a friend today and all I could do was wait for her. I couldn’t call and find out where she was. She is always late, that was a given but I didn’t know how late she was going to be. I waited an hour for her. I should have known. I didn’t mind waiting. I had WiFi at Starbucks so I could message her through FB and check my Twitter. I was sad to learn of Carrie Fisher’s death. I didn’t think she was going to pull through. 2016 likes celebrities this year too much.

I ordered my groceries to be delivered tomorrow. This was before I knew my phone was disconnected. I had to call them up and tell them to call my mother’s number and to ring my bell. I wouldn’t be getting text messages like I normally would. I am so pissed. Least I figured out what time the window is so I know to be awake. It’s at a decent time tomorrow, thank god.

I have to call my doctor’s office tomorrow to see if my prescription is ready so I can pick it up. They won’t be able to call me because I don’t have a working phone. Another annoyance. I’m glad I don’t have therapy this week because there wouldn’t be a number for her to call me. And every time I try to use my mother’s line, someone always calls. It never fails.

I’m not going to get my glasses like I was going to. There is no point. If I change my mind (which I doubt) or I live, maybe I will then, but not now. I have been depressed most of the day since leaving my friend as she had to meet her mother to go to the airport. We had a good visit but I realized it would be the last time seeing her and that made me sad. I didn’t tell her anything about my plans or how horrible Christmas truly was. I just faked it.

Now that I have gotten paid, I have been thinking of reserving a car to see my therapist for our next appointment. Only problem is, I don’t know how emotional it will be and I don’t want to be driving and crying at the same time. I hope by the time she is back and stuff, my phone is turned back on. I hate not being able to text ANYONE, let alone her. I am taking a texting break from her while we are on break. But it’s just weird that I can’t text her if I need to.

I haven’t made much progress in my book the past two days. I was too depressed to think of something to write or play with the pages to make a dedication page. I am finding the task daunting and a little overwhelming. I still haven’t decided if I am going to have an acknowledgement page or not. Guess I will flip a coin about it or something. I don’t have to make one as there is really no one to really acknowledge this time around. I got to look at the other memoir that I liked that was clear cut and simple. That is how I want this book to be. Trouble is, I don’t remember where I put it…

Painful Boxing Day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Painful Boxing Day

I live in the States so we don’t celebrate Boxing day but I have some international readers that do so Happy Boxing day!

My day has not been a good one. I went to sleep between 0330 and 0400 because pain was keeping me up. When I woke up around noon, the pain was still there. I took my meds and had some breakfast. My mother called to have me put the pies in the fridge. They had been on our back porch but the sun was out and it can quickly heat up the space, even if it is freezing out. I delved into the chocolate cream pie that I love so much. I had it after I had supper, too. I just eat it until it is gone.

The pain meds weren’t working for me so around 1400, I took my strong pain pill and that knocked me out. I slept for a few hours. I wasn’t in the mood to eat anything but pie but my brother-in-law made some beef and potatoes so I had that. It was really good. I still feel like shit and my ankle is killing me. I should have told my sister to get me a chainsaw for Christmas instead of a pizza stone. I had emailed my psychiatrist during one of the trips I wasn’t sleeping. I had tried four times to sleep last night and it took the fourth for me to finally crash. I thought I would hear back from her but I haven’t. Maybe she hasn’t read her email yet. She is on vacation.

I have some exciting news, I plan on publishing my book sometime this week. I was hoping to work on it today but it didn’t happen. I am meeting a friend tomorrow for coffee in Boston so I don’t think I will be able to work on it tomorrow either. It will get done. I just have a few pages of “fluff” to write. I will have a dedication page and then maybe an acknowledgement page. I am not sure. I know I want to publish the suicide hotlines so they are there should someone need them. I just don’t know if I should put them in the beginning of the book or the end. I think the end will be better.

I just hope that I don’t have formatting issues like I did my first book. Man, what nightmare that was. This time I used the template that Amazon gave out and I hope there are no glitches. I hope it has no blank pages. I have tried my best to make sure this hasn’t happened. So we’ll see.

Now I got to fill my pill box and take my meds. I meant to do it earlier today but I was so damn sleepy. I feel like I can go back to bed again. I hope I do and sleep till at least 8 or 9 tomorrow morning. I need to shower and then get dressed to meet my darling friend. I hope she isn’t late.