Tag: depression

not sleeping due to pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, depression

Not sleeping due to pain

Yesterday I was in bed all day sleeping. I was expecting to wake up around 1am feeling ready to go but the only thing ready to go this time around was my bladder. My arm was sore but after I woke up and used the bathroom it felt better. I didn’t stay awake too long. I just looked at my messages and then went back to sleep. I woke up again around 4 in mega pain this time. My arm and shoulder were hurting so bad. I sat up to try and alleviate some of the pain. I didn’t want to take anything because usually moving it helps to ease the pain. I did take some ibuprofen. I was hungry but I didn’t want to go downstairs to make something to eat. I thought about making coffee but it was really early. Pain settled down enough so I laid back down and slept for another hour or two until my med alarm went off. I shut it off but I didn’t take my meds. I just rested till around 10 when I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I used the bathroom and then made coffee.

I was hungry but I didn’t know what I wanted to make. It was either cheesy scrambled eggs or a bacon sandwich. I took my meds and thoughts it over. I decided to make bacon as that would require less movement. I also made another cup of coffee.

I had therapy today and was all over the place with talking about my BFF’s situation and how I felt about it and losing my second mother. I was more emotional as I talked about it. I almost started crying. My arm was throbbing as I finished my third cup of coffee. I told her my Thanksgiving plans and how much I was looking forward to the turkey and cranberry sauce. It is my favorite holiday. She asked what self-care I planned on using during this time. I said I would shower more and color. I told her I have been reading more than coloring. I also was writing to get things out. I told her I had support on Twitter which has developed over the past six months or so.

I told my mother I would make dinner tonight but after my shower my arm flared up big time and I am in agony. I told her I couldn’t cook. Now I don’t know what I am going to have for dinner. I might have a bowl of cereal. I bought Oreo cereal and it is pretty good. It is all I ate yesterday. One bowl of cereal for the entire day. It is all I wanted to eat. I haven’t been having more than one meal a day for the past couple of weeks. I am just not hungry. But today I will be having two meals as the cereal will be my second meal of the day. I might have cookies to top it off.

It’s 115a

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, painsomnia

I’ve been in severe pain since 1900 last night. I don’t know what I did to cause this flare. I know part of it is because I was emotional today with the news of my BFF who is like a little brother to me. I love him so much. I wish there was something I could do for him. I am going to try and call him every week just to check in on him.

I’ve been scrolling on twitter most of the night. I did read Medical Apartheid. I finished the ugly chapter I was on about eugenics and how white people wanted to expunge African Americans. This went on until the year 2000 where they set up clinics to sterilize or force them on birth control. One of the campaign sayings was something like better to be an addict than to have a child. Shows how depraved people were about addiction. Rather than deal with the issue, they rather the person suffering from addiction was sterile or on the long term birth control Norplant. Just makes me sick. The next chapter is on radiation and Blacks. I don’t know if I can stomach it. I thought I could read this but it is really sad what these people have gone through after their freedom was given.

I am tired but I can’t sleep due to pain. I’ve already taken what I could. I even took ibuprofen to try and stop the pain. I think I could be hungry but I don’t feel like going downstairs to make something to eat. I would just have cereal though. I found a box of honey nut Chex while I was putting groceries away yesterday. I love that flavor.

Because of my grocery delivery, I canceled my therapy appointment. I won’t have therapy this week. I will see her on Mon. We have a lot to talk about. I should probably write some of it down so I don’t forget. I hate writing stuff down because once it is out of my head and on paper, I forget about it.

I made an appointment for my eye exam in a couple of weeks. It is outside of Boston at a new place. I just hope the doctor is nice. It is in the afternoon so I am not so sleepy. I think there is a bookstore near there so I might go book shopping after.

waking up to a painful arm

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression

Waking up to a painful arm

I did a lot yesterday. I made marinara sauce for the first time in a long time. It came out awesome. Even my mother liked it. Today I will have the left over meatballs for lunch. I wanted them for a long time. I didn’t use my arm that much but it still hurts me today despite it. I did my exercises while having coffee and something to eat.

I don’t plan on doing anything today. I got brain fog and am so tired. Therapist is off the next two days so I don’t see her until Wed. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow as well as have PT in the afternoon. I just hope my groceries get delivered before my therapy appointment.

I got the Sox news today and it isn’t good. Former SS Julio Lugo passed away at the age of 45 due to a heart attack and my favorite pitcher Eduardo Rodriguez is signing with the Tigers for a five year deal. I am devastated. I guess I am glad I didn’t buy Eddie’s shirt this weekend. I am truly heartbroken.

Saturday Blog 06112021

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 06112021

Today I am dealing with an influx of junk mail being filtered to my inbox rather than junk mail folder. I must have gotten at least a half dozen notifications today so far that are junk. I don’t know what is the problem. I sent a message to outlook hoping to find a reason. It’s jut ridiculous. The emails are all bogus. But I think I got a handle on it as most of the emails are from the same domain.

I sort of woke up when my med alarm went off at 0830. I made the mistake of falling back to sleep and now I feel like all I want to do is sleep. I only woke up once during the night and that was to go pee. I hope when I go for my test next week that it records the urge sensation when I am cathing. It is so uncomfortable to be going about my business cathing and then get an uncontrollable urge to pee. Sometimes my stream becomes stronger and then urine goes everywhere. It is messy and I hate it.

I had a cup of coffee and I might have a second cup soon as I am so fricken tired. I think I am going to heat up the chicken pot pie that I have for lunch. I haven’t really eaten anything today. My mother made zucchini and had a little of that but it was wicked salty.

Ohio State and Nebraska are playing each other in college football. Every year they play each other and every year I am conflicted who to root for because they are my favorite teams. OSU is beating the Huskers right now. I think OSU is going to beat them, again. Nebraska has been holding up some good defense though. It is a close game right now. And OSU wins 26-17!

My damn shoulder is killing me today. I put heat on my ribs as the muscles are sore. My bicep keeps throbbing along with my wrist/forearm. I can’t wait till I see the doc on Monday and they decide what they are going to do. I hope I can delay PT for a few weeks until I get my back PT in. I don’t think I need the full six weeks as usually one to three dry needle sessions is all I need. I start PT on Tues. It is with the same PT that I had earlier this year. She is good and I like her style.