Thursday’s Thoughts

Thursday’s thoughts

I am not thinking of much right now. I have about a half hour before therapy. I nearly slept through my PT appointment. Thank goodness she called me. I glanced at my phone and saw it was 11 but I didn’t get up because I forgot about the appointment. We had it with time to spare. I got three new exercises to do while in bed. That will be good on days I don’t feel like going to the kitchen to do my sitting up and standing ones. She thinks she can improve my stamina while walking. I told her I am thinking of surgery to drain the fluid pocket that is causing me so much trouble. She wants me to think about it and she will be there to help me get back to “normal”, whatever that is. I just know that I don’t want to huff and puff while walking somewhere. If I can accomplish that, I will be in good shape.

Therapy went well. I will be trying a new sleep routine as I have had severe insomnia the past few nights. I hope that I can stick to it. We also talked about how frustrating it is that I am still not better after all this time. And about having possible surgery. She said not to go down the bad thought road as that might make me more susceptible to a bad outcome after surgery. I am trying not to think of this at all but I am facing it as I don’t know if the steroids will work for good this time. I am not sure what will happen after Monday. I am so tempted to just get the MRI and have the talk of surgery. I feel that if I have the MRI and see if the fluid collection gets smaller with this course of steroids. Only side effect I am having is stomach upset. I just take Mylanta when it is bad. It helps. We also talked about my psych. I was expecting her to be judgmental but she wasn’t. I am glad as I was nervous bringing it up. She needs to know that I am in contact with her because there is a chance I will be seeing her again as my psychopharm. I didn’t tell her how my appointment with the NP psychopharm went. I was sworn to confidentiality about what we talked about. It was upsetting and I am not sure she will be sticking around come the fall. I really don’t want to lose another provider but she needs to do what she needs to do.

I need to shower but I haven’t had the energy to take it. I did trim down my beard as it was getting itchy. I wanted to shave it all off but I held back as I would have to shower afterwards. I might do it after I write this blog. I plan on seeing my barber tomorrow so would like my hair to be washed. I also plan on going to Starbucks for a damn mocha. I have been having severe Starbucks withdrawal since the pandemic started and I was in no shape to be traveling to the stores anyway as I was just recovering from surgery. Hell I am still recovering from surgery and it is frustrating as all hell. I just hope PT is able to help me lead a better life than what I am currently experiencing. I can’t take another mishap. Which is why I am not looking forward to another potential surgery in the upcoming weeks. Just really hoping that the steroids work. PT is optimistic that because the steroids are systemic they should work. I hope she is right because I don’t think I can face another surgery.

My step count is at 316. I have 84 steps to make 400 for the day. I think I can do it if I try. I will be going downstairs more. I just been leaving my room to eat and use the bathroom. I haven’t been walking around the house that much. I will later. I am certain I can do 84 steps or more by the end of tonight.

any thoughts?

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