Category: chronic physical pain

another shitty day

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Another shitty day

I tried to make it to my appointment for urodynamics today but my body was like, that is a no. I got the runs when I reached the bus stop. I came home just in time. How I didn’t crap myself I have no idea but I am taking it as a blessing. I canceled the appointment because it was too late to go back to the bus stop. Plus I wasn’t feeling so hot. I felt weak like I did a month a go when I had the infection I wasn’t aware of. I just tried to go back to sleep but I got hungry and made myself something to eat. I didn’t like the coffee today. It wasn’t sweet enough. I drank half a cup and then tossed the rest of it down the drain. I feel bad that I had to cancel but if I had gotten the ride like I was supposed to it would be a different matter. I couldn’t get a ride because they would pick me up after the appointment and that wouldn’t be good. So I canceled the ride and appointment. I had no choice. I will just make it on another day.

My psych emailed me this morning and I responded saying that I wish I could just say the hell with the steroids, order the MRI and do the surgery but I can’t. If the steroids don’t work, then I will have to go to plan b which is what I just said. There is no other plan. I have six days on the steroids and then we’ll see how I feel. I hope that I will be feeling better. I haven’t done my PT exercises because I walked to the bus stop and back. I did a 1000 steps. PT should be happy with that.

I asked my sister to take me to the library so I could return this book I have had out since Feb. It was due in March but because of Covid, they kept putting the date back. It is due next week so I had to return it. The library still isn’t open. I wanted to see if I could get the YA book that I am starting. I have the first book on kindle. I would like to get the other 2 books in the series but they are too much for me right now. I have been seeing good reviews on Twitter from readers I know. I am always interested in a good book.

I have been listening to Hamilton the past few weeks. I just love this musical. I am glad I gave it a second chance and downloaded Disney Plus so I could watch it. I like to put a name with a face. And I love Phillipa Soo. She is brilliant and so beautiful.

shitty day for therapy

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Shitty day for therapy

I had PT this morning. I also had a psychotherapy webinar but it was an hour and a half and that would cut into my PT time so I didn’t go to it. I had PT and my PT gave me a new scale called the Yucko meter. It ranges from 1-10 and you base it on how yucky you feel. I was a 4 by the end of session and had to lay down but I had therapy so I couldn’t. My therapist decided to reschedule the time because I felt shitty about 15 minutes into session. I liked that she cared enough to reschedule because I was feeling so crappy but at the same time I felt terrible that it had to happen. I rescheduled for Thurs. I have PT that day but the time for therapy is a few hours later so I can rest. I do have to have 400 steps every day in between sessions. I got more than half that right now.

I goofed with my pain meds. I was supposed to call in a refill for my pain meds last week but I totally forgot and now I don’t have meds. I put the request in last night so I should hear back sometime today. It is raining heavily right now and supposed to be storms all afternoon. I feel it in my ankle so I won’t get my prescription today if it gets called in. I will pick it up tomorrow. It is supposed to be hot and muggy all week. I hate it already. Least the rain is cooling things off a little bit right now. I have been running my AC all weekend. I will have to give it a break soon so it doesn’t frost up.

Tomorrow morning I see my neurologist via virtual visit. Then I have my psychopharm visit. I have to tell my psychopharm that I stopped taking the duloxetine because of stomach upset. The reflux was too much for me to handle. It was especially bad at night. I haven’t been eating much the past few days because I have no appetite. Yesterday I just had Ensure and a bowl of cereal. Today I ate a little better. I had a piece of chicken cutlet and some French toast. I got the hungry horrors today probably because I had gaba last night. My ankle pain was out of control last night. It took all that I had to control it. In the end I took Benadryl to sleep as it was after midnight.

I layed down after therapy was over. I didn’t sleep, I just laid there listening to classical music. I still feel shitty. My head feels so fuzzy. I am definitely a 7 on the yucko meter. I should be laying down and resting but I don’t feel like it. I am so aggravated that this is beyond my control and that I have to literally do nothing but rest in order to feel better. I wanted to get my haircut this week but that doesn’t seem likely. I have too many appointments this week. I wanted to go Wed but I don’t think I can because I have testing done in the morning. Urology finally called me and set up urodynamic testing. I have that Wed morning. I am back to being busy with doctor appointments. My psych wants a zoom meeting but she hasn’t responded yet with a time and date. I half want to message her and say can it be next week as I am so booked up. I am tired just looking at my schedule. I don’t have to leave the house for any of the appointments but still, the mental energy I have to put in them is tiring.

I was able to brush my teeth today. I used my electric toothbrush, which dropped toothpaste on my shirt. I had to change shirts. I still need to wash my face. I am mustering up the energy for that. My back has already started to act up on me. I don’t know if I can stand that long to wash. I got a huge headache still so I really don’t think it is going to happen. Maybe this evening.

I got to lay down again so I will stop here. I wish I didn’t feel so shitty.

Sunday Blog 12072020

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Blog 12072020

I changed my sheets today and it wiped me out so bad. I am so tired. I need to shower but that isn’t a priority. It still is really humid in the house as temps are in the upper 80s. I haven’t done anything but the sheets. Now I can go to sleep.

I am glad I did this. I have been meaning to do it for weeks and I just cleared off my bed and did it. I hope I can keep my bed clear but I don’t have high hopes for that. I can never seem to keep my bed clear no matter how hard I try. One thing accumulates and then it is cluttered again.

Tomorrow I have PT and therapy back to back. I will need to be in my kitchen for PT and in my room for therapy. The PT wants me to do it in the kitchen so I have the counter to hold on to if I need it. I am not sure what she is going to do now that my symptoms of CSF leak are surfacing. I will find out tomorrow. I wrote down some stuff I want to work on in therapy. That was my homework assignment. I think she will be pleased with it. There is just a few things I want to work on. One is breathing. I need to control my breaths as I breathe too fast at times. I don’t know how to control it. I never tried. But I am willing to learn. The other thing is to try and cut out the thoughts to planning when I get suicidal. I hope that she is willing to work with me on these goals.

I took a quick shower. I didn’t have to sit down more than once. I am doing better than I thought I would. I still feel lightheaded. I think I am probably going to have to go back on steroids. I rather that than some other procedure. I hope the surgeon sees it that way. I really don’t want to go through another MRI.

Saturday Blog 11072020

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 11072020

I did my walk today by going to the pharmacy. I did better than I thought I would do as I wasn’t huffing and puffing as much. I also am not as fatigued today. The last few days have been rough. I collapsed in PT on Thursday. I just became overwhelmed with symptoms of CSF leak. I got very weak very quickly. I had to lay down the rest of the session and then I still had to lay down when I got home. I slept the whole afternoon and evening. I just had a roast beef sandwich and that was it. I didn’t want anything else. Yesterday I was still fatigued and called my surgeon to let him know. I see him on Tues as we set up an appointment with him. I am kind of nervous. I just hope I don’t need an MRI. I don’t think I can deal with it again.

I need a shower but it is too hot in the house. I would melt after coming out of it. I will wait until tomorrow and try then. I have found using the cool vent helps. I just don’t think it would work today as it is so humid in the house.

I am really upset that I can’t do what I used to do anymore. This leak is causing me to decondition and just when I think I am up to par, I get knocked down. I hate that I have to lay down when I get like this. I can’t stand laying in bed all the time. It messes me up. I try not to sleep but being fatigued doesn’t help keeping me awake. I just feel all fuzzy and headachy. The only thing I can do is lay down. It helps take away the fuzzy stuff but not the headache. I have been getting dizzy with it too so I really need to keep my fluids up and stay hydrated.

I have my AC on and think I need a new one as the MED setting doesn’t work. Hi and low does but not med. It is an old AC I have had it for more than 10 years. It has filled its duty. I think getting a new on would help the electric bill some. I also want one where I can access it on my phone so when I am coming home, I can turn it on and cool the room off some. Those kind of ACs are not cheap to buy. There was a model I was looking at on Amazon but the price kept changing so I did away with it. I couldn’t afford it. I should have gotten it when the price was lower.