Tag: baseball

laid low but didn’t nap

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, cauda equina syndrome, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Laid low but didn’t nap

I woke up three times last night with my shoulder hurting me. The first time, I took some pain meds. The second and third time, I just sat up and moved my shoulder around a bit and that helped ease the pain. A couple times I was able to go back to sleep right away and another time, it took me a while to get back to sleep. I got up about a half hour after my med alarm went off. I had my coffee and belVita biscuits. My back was tender but it wasn’t severely painful like it had been all week. I took a tennis ball to it to massage some of the knots and it helped even though it hurt to do it.

For lunch I had made a tuna fish sandwich. It was good. I haven’t had tuna in a long while. After I had the sandwich, I made a cup of coffee. My plan was to have three cups today so I would stay up and listen to the ball game. I am nervous about this game because if the Red Sox don’t win, they go home. It is going to be a nerve wracking game. Just hope my cousin isn’t so negative like he was last night. He really pissed me off. I just hope the bats start hitting tonight or I am gonna have to block my cousin. I can’t stand it when someone says the obvious but it doesn’t happen. That isn’t what baseball is about. I am wearing my Sox LGBT hat with the TG logo pin on it. Hope it brings them luck tonight. I also shaved off my goatee and mustache. I am clean shaven all around. I shaved the sides and back of my head today. I didn’t shower but I plan to tomorrow. I am starting to stink. I also need to shave my armpits as the hair is getting pretty long. It has been a while since I have shaved.

I wanted to go out today to get some half and half but I just got too lazy. I wanted to nap this afternoon but knew if I did, it might mess up my sleep more than it already is. I haven’t been in too much pain today so I have not been taking my BT meds, which is good. My shoulder still throbs but ibuprofen seems to help it along with Excedrin. I think the aspirin and Tylenol combination in Excedrin helps with the inflammation and broken bone pain. I really hope I don’t need surgery. I hope the X-rays that I will have on Monday show some healing in the right direction.

If my shin pain doesn’t stop, I am going to have to take a BT med. It is hurting really bad a 9 out of 10 pain, 10 being the worst. I wish I knew what caused this pain to be set off so I could avoid it. But the neuro and I think it is a spread of the CRPS. I probably have it in my shin bone. I just hope it doesn’t travel up my leg. I hope I have a bowel movement tomorrow. It’s been like 3 or 4 days that I have gone without one. I am starting to feel uncomfortable. I have been taking Miralax, yesterday I took a dose and a half to finish the bottle off and still nothing today. I just worry that when I do go, it will be colon blow time and I will have an accident.

severe back pain sucks

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Severe back pain sucks

I woke up early and decided to get some more sleep. I woke up a few hours later and then had coffee. I was feeling fine. The house was cold as the temp dropped. My mother wasn’t home. I had some biscuits with my coffee and while I was eating them, my mother’s phone rang. I went to go pick it up and my back went out on me. Just like that. No warning or anything. I couldn’t move. I sat back down as best as I could. I was having spasms in my lower back. I finished my coffee, threw away the wrapper for the biscuits as gently as I could as I could barely move. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I had to do it. It hurt and I was in pain for most of it. But going up the stairs was pure torture. I had to go one step at a time with leading on my right leg. I couldn’t tolerate any weight on my left side where most of the pain was. I didn’t know if this was going to settle down or not so I quickly took some meds and waited. I got my heating pad and that helped a lot. But within a half hour, I was still in a lot of pain so I rescheduled the CT scan I was supposed to have today.

I tried to lay down but that hurt more than sitting so I just sat with the heating pad on my back. A couple of hours later, I had to empty my bladder. I thought I was ok as I was moving better. I emptied my bladder and then went to the kitchen to make something to eat. I just made a bowl of cereal. As a poured the milk, I got severe spasms across my lower back again and I was hurting. I think I might have done something to my back when I fell. I just don’t know what to do about it. Right now getting the spasms under control is my top priority. I took some Zanaflex when I got back to my room and more pain meds as it was around 4 hours since my last dose.

I called the imaging scheduling office to schedule my MRI. They have an opening tomorrow night at 10 pm (2200!) I took it. The sooner I know what is wrong with my shoulder the better. I am so glad they had an opening. My back should be better by tomorrow. The heating pad is really helping with the spasms. I think the Zanaflex is making me sleepy. Four hours till game time so I could take a nap. I want to have another cup of coffee. I just don’t want to go downstairs again unless I have to use the bathroom.

My favorite pitcher is starting the game tonight. It is anyone’s guess as to how he will be. His last start was good so this start could be terrible. That is how things go with him. I don’t want to say anything because chances are the opposite will happen and then I will feel bad that I said something.

My shoulder has been hurting me most of the day. It woke me up several times during the night. I was lucky that I just had to move it around for the pain to go away. Pain was severe though. I hope the MRI report comes in later this week before I see the surgeon. This will give me some time to research the findings and see what needs to be done, including nothing. I’ll be interested to see if the fracture is healing when they do the x-ray next week.

I am going to try and lay down and see if I can sleep until the game starts. Hopefully moving won’t hurt me.

shoulder pain is unreal today

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Shoulder pain unreal today

I woke up with severe shoulder pain a few times during the night. I had slept for about three hours and then I couldn’t go back to sleep so I colored for a bit until meds took care of my pain enough so I could go back to sleep. I slept late again. My cousin called me around noon to say he couldn’t take me shopping because someone hit his car and he needs to get it fixed. He will take me next week when he has a rental. I said no problem. When I got up, my shoulder pain was bad. I went about my business and my bowels unleashed. I crapped my pants and shit was everywhere. I cleaned up and then went to have coffee and something to eat. There was still the apple crumble my sister made so I had some of that. It was so good. My mother came into the kitchen and I swear I wondered how many “oh my god”s she says during the day as in the first 10 mins she had said at least four.

I have been listening to all my songs on my MP3 player. It started with “Jesse’s Girl” by Rick Springfield. Half way through a few more songs Beethoven played a piano sonata which was followed by Linkin Park. Shows my music range. I can go from classical to alternative rock. Love it.

Today is Marathon Monday which should be over by the time the Sox take the field tonight. Yesterday game was such a heartbreaker. It was so long (13 innings!) and the game just seemed like it was never going to end. The Sox were behind then were ahead then tied. Finally in the bottom of the 13th inning my favorite catcher hit a bomb to left center and we won 6-4. Tonight’s game is a win or go home game for the Rays. My favorite pitcher is on the mound. My cousin doesn’t think he will be effective tonight and granted his last couple of starts have not been good. But I believe in him and his ability to be a great pitcher.

I have been up for 3.5 hours and I want to go back to bed. I am so damn tired. I had a second cup of coffee to try and stay awake. I know if I try and take a nap I won’t be up for the game. It is the kind of tired where I don’t care if I sleep forever kind of feeling. I am in pain so I got the fuck its. My leg is acting up right now. UGH. I never get away from pain. I thought I would have to put a lido patch on my leg because sitting for 5+ hours for the game was annoying my thigh. Nerve pain kept flaring up. I am kind of worried as this week is T shot week and I need to give it to my left thigh which is the one with nerve pain. Depending on how it feels between today and tomorrow I will decide to give it. I wish I had a nurse friend that could give it to me in the butt. I do have one friend but she is on the Cape. Kind of far from me.

I am feeling so overwhelmed right now because pain has gone up three notches with the CRPS pain and nerve pain in my leg, which I am starting to think is CRPS related. I took an Ativan because of the internal agitation I am feeling, the desperation that I feel when pain is like this. I can’t take another pain med for another hour. I texted my therapist that I hate taking the Ativan because of this overwhelm. I just feel trapped, like I can’t escape. It isn’t a good feeling. But I know when I get this squirrel feeling Ativan helps. It helps to clear my thoughts and settle me down. My mother just called to say dinner is ready. I don’t want to move. Leg is at an all time high level of pain. Left arm is throbbing. The muscles in my arm are spazzing. I hope my PCP can order an X-ray tomorrow to make sure I didn’t hurt myself when I fell. Then if he does and I am ok, I want to do the dry needling again with PT. I just hope I am up early so I can talk to someone. If they want me to be seen, I need to know so I can plan on going to Urgent care, if he can’t see me. My pcp is only there one day a week and he is usually booked. I have an appointment with him in Nov. That is too long to wait to be seen. I am so nervous about all of this. I am hoping what I did was just muscle related but I also hope I didn’t cause a tear in the muscle either. Sixteen hours and I hope to have my answers.

just about eight weeks post op hysterectomy

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, sports, transgender

Just about eight weeks post op hysterectomy

I am just about eight weeks post op (tomorrow will officially mark the eighth week) and today was the first full active day I have had. I woke up and got up before eight this morning. I made myself an egg and had a cup of tea as I wanted tea. My friend sent it from England as a recovery gift. It was good tea. A little later I had a cup of coffee with the last of my creamer. My groceries arrived in the afternoon so I was going up and down stairs a lot. Then I went to the bank to deposit money so I wasn’t in the red anymore. I had to borrow money from my mother. I just hope I can pay her back when I get paid.

I came home and I was out of breath. It took me several minutes to catch it and relax. I was sweating the whole time I was bringing the groceries up the stairs and I was sweating again when I came home. I had stopped at the pharmacy before coming home to pick up my meds and that little fucking hill I have to walk up plus going up two flights of stairs with two bags of Gatorade bottles was too much for me. I had my appointment with my psychiatrist and luckily I was normally breathing by the time he logged on.

I told him I was depressed and he could see that I was. He offered some trans support website which I sent out to. There was another one which I tried to email but for some reason I was unable to copy the email address from Zoom. I had to write it down. I am not sure I am going to email this person because they are far from me and I don’t have a car to get there should they meet in person. Plus insurance is a factor as well. I rather go to a free group than have it be a therapeutic one which I have to pay for. I told him about the increase in Pristiq and he said that by the time we see each other next (in Nov), he hopes the med will provide me some relief of the depression. I told him about my B&B issues making me a hermit in the house. I just don’t feel comfortable using public restrooms to cath. I still have to go to the lab to give a urine sample to make sure I don’t have an infection. I have been having some bladder pain lately and even though my urine is clear, I want to make sure it really is.

I called uro today to schedule the appointment for the testing but the doc didn’t “order” the test that they could see so I have to wait for the medical assistant to call me. I was hoping to hear back from her this afternoon but nope, no calls. Tomorrow I have an early dentist appointment and plan to go to the hosp afterwards to drop off the urine sample. I just hope I wake up like I did today or the appointment might be missed. I have to leave a half hour before the appointment because I will be going uphill and I know I will be short of breath. I want to be sure I am breathing close to normal when I go to the office.

I am making a chicken pot pie for dinner. Tomorrow I might make a small marinara sauce so I can have spaghetti and meatballs. I hid my spaghetti so no one will eat it. Every time I want a particular pasta it seems to be gone as my nephew eats pasta all the time.

I had Starbucks while out so I am caffeinated for tonight’s ballgame. The stomach tightening has already begun with the stupid stat predictions and shit. If we can get to the starting pitcher early, we might have a chance to win. But our pitcher has to be nasty Nate or we will be in trouble. It is a win or go home kind of game so if we lose, we are done. Baseball season is over for me, at least with the Sox. It will continue with the winner of the game.

I think I did too much with the bags I had to carry. 45 bottles of Gatorade and 10 gallons of water I had to bring up the stairs. I am not supposed to be lifting anything over 10lbs at least for another four weeks. I am considered healed though as I am at the eight week mark. I wish my bladder was in better condition than what it is. I really hope the urodynamic testing gives me some answers that are favorable. Even if it shows that I don’t have to cath every time, I still have to cath for residual as I am not emptying my bladder when I void. I don’t know how going to a trans support group would be helpful with my medical issues but maybe having just someone that understands the dysphoria will help.