Tag: chronic pain

having a hard time dealing with pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Having a hard time dealing with pain

I woke up around 0600 with my foot hurting me. I took pain meds but I couldn’t go back to sleep. Around 7 or so, I decided to make breakfast and coffee. I was about half way through my coffee when I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. I took a nap for a couple of hours only to wake up to tooth pain. WTF. I went to the bathroom and then rinsed my mouth with the stuff I’m supposed to use. I ended up swallowing a little by accident. It wasn’t pleasant. The stuff didn’t help my pain. I had planned on going to see the movie “Dunkirk” but it was really muggy when I got up and I didn’t feel like going out.

I played on my laptop for an hour or two before deciding to have lunch. Tooth didn’t like it at all. I took some ibuprofen and as I was walking back up to my room, stupid ankle flared up. WTF are you kidding me? I can’t stand being in pain with my ankle AND my mouth pain anymore. It has been going on several days now. I see the dentist on Thursday so I hope he can do something for me. I know one thing, if I am still in pain, I am not going to have the filling done on the other side. It will be really hard to eat if I don’t have a side to chew on. I told my mother this and she was “so supportive” by saying she wishes she could not eat for a week. Then tells me at least you’ll lose weight. I then tell her sure and a trip to the hospital too for hypoglycemia and dehydration. Sounds fun! Fucking moron. I was so damn mad. Besides, I’ll only regain the weight once I start eating. She is just so stupid. I can’t stand her. I swear she acts like a bitch because she has chronic pain herself, but unlike me, refuses to do anything about it. She won’t do what the docs tell her to do or take meds, not even Tylenol for her pain all because one dose “doesn’t do anything”. She doesn’t understand that it needs to build in your system to be effective. I’ve told her this time and time again but I get hit with “I know my body”. Be in pain and stop complaining about it then! Fuck.

I’m really trying not to sleep all day but it’s hard because I am so exhausted fighting pain all the time. But I know if I do, I will catch my second wind at like 0200 and that wouldn’t be good as I will just be up all night, messing up my sleep cycle again. Course, I really think my sleep is already messed up as I just sleep whenever I feel tired.

Think I am going to make some fries for supper. My mother is having leftovers. I’m torn between ordering a sub and making a grilled cheese sandwich. I can’t wait to get paid next week so I can order my groceries. I plan on making lemon cookies. The recipe looks fairly simple, though I’ve never made zest before. First time for everything!

busy Monday morning

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Busy Monday morning

I had a shitty sleep. I fell asleep sometime after 0200 only to wake up around 6 because my foot was in severe pain. I took my pain meds and slept until my alarm went off. I didn’t want to get up but I had to be at the dentist office by 0800. I dragged myself out of bed, got dressed, brushed my teeth, and headed out. I had to wait until the dentist was available to see me. He said that I had severe inflammation of the gums but wasn’t too sure what was causing it. He wanted it to go down and for me to finish my antibiotics before taking x-rays.

I left in time to catch the bus to the Square. While I was waiting, I called my PCP’s office to see if my prescription was ready to be picked up. It was. I had breakfast at Starbucks. I ordered a snickers latte rather than espresso. I felt like treating myself to something good. I had 6 espresso shots. It was stronger than I thought it would be but still good. I went to my PCP’s office after I finished and then went to the pharmacy. My foot was in severe pain by the time I came home. I hadn’t taken any pain meds with me and the last time I had taken them was around 6 this morning. I was overdue. My foot was also on fire so when I came home, I took my pain meds and Neurontin. I also rinse my mouth out with the antibacterial rinse. It doesn’t go well with powerade but I can’t take the Neurontin with water because it is gross. Guess it was the lesser evil.

I wanted to get my meat sauce for supper but my mother is making lazy man lasagna. I will save it for another day. It’s not going anywhere. I have been wanting to have it with penne pasta for a while now. I haven’t had lunch yet. I will finish off the White Castle burgers. That should tie me over until supper time.

I am going to try and stay up but I have a feeling I am going to take a nap. I am really tired from all that I did this morning. I was out for 4 hours. I am glad I don’t have therapy this afternoon. It would suck. My mood sucks right now. I am just exhausted from hurting and not sleeping. I am so tired of waking up in severe pain. It’s really mentally exhausting. The hard part is that I have absolutely no control over it. It flares up whenever it wants to whether I am sleeping, trying to sleep, or just plain resting.

My fricken bowels are going nuts. Whenever I have Starbucks milk, it seems I am intolerant to it. I don’t fricken care because I have been backed up the last few days but the cramps are horrible. I just hope I don’t have an accident because that will kill me. I also hate having to go up and down the stairs a lot because of it. I so wish there was a half bath where the bedrooms are.

I’m trying to make plans with a friend that I met while in the hospital. Every time I ask when to meet up, she is vague or doesn’t answer. I really don’t want to go out tomorrow, except to Walgreens because idiot me forgot my strong pain pill script to get filled today. I had it on the edge of my bed so I wouldn’t forget it but I did. I also need to mail a birthday card for a friend of mine. Maybe I will get some pizza when I drop off the card to the mailbox, though I have been thinking of getting a pastrami sub lately. I love pastrami.

One of my blog readers suggested I get input for the blog about therapists who shaft clients for the suicidality or hospitalization history. If you would like to contribute, please email me at Collerone at Yahoo dot com or use my contact page to send me a message. I’m still mulling over ideas for it so you have time to also contribute if you would like. Please get it in by this week though. I’d like to write it up by the weekend. I think it’s important to get the word out that there are therapists and organizations out there that just don’t want to deal with severe mental illnesses.

ramblings 355

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Ramblings 355

My brother in law made some shrimp scampi and I had some. I really shouldn’t have but it was good and I over ate. I really wanted to stay up till 2100 but I couldn’t. I ended up going to sleep around 2030. I had to take my antibiotic so I didn’t sleep too well. Around 2300, the light in the hallway was on. I figured my mother had gone downstairs to use the bathroom. I listened carefully but didn’t hear anything. Then I started thinking the worse and that woke me up. I took my antibiotic and then went downstairs to see if she was okay. She was. She had watched a movie and then decided to empty the dishwasher.

I used the bathroom and then tortured my mouth again by brushing and using the rinse. My gums are starting to feel better but brushing my teeth is still kind of sore. I’m glad my gums aren’t bleeding anymore. I went back up to my room and I was awake. I couldn’t go back to sleep. Then my ankle started acting up. I took my pain meds with some water. I hope my prescription is ready to be picked up tomorrow because I only have a few pain meds left. Damn medical assistant got my strong pain med and regular one mixed up. She thought it was the same thing. Oi. Dumbass. It’s like saying Amoxicillin and Penicillin are the same thing. Sure, they are the same class of meds but they work differently. I don’t get it. I thought you had to pass a pharmacology course to be a medical assistant. I guess they don’t stress that anymore.

After I see the dentist tomorrow, I will call my PCP’s office to see if my script is ready to be picked up. If I have to camp my ass in the office to get it done, I will. I can’t be without my pain meds. That will just not be good.

I had slept for most of the day because I was up most of the night. Now it seems like I will be up most of the night again. I am just not tired because my mother freaked me out and gave me a scare. I don’t know why she emptied the dishwasher at 2300. She sounded okay so she wasn’t in a hypoglycemic (low blood sugar) state. She does weird things. I am just glad she is sleeping now. She can sleep at the drop of a hat. I can’t. It takes a long while for me to get to sleep.

One of my Twitter friends suggested that I write a blog about how therapists are picky about the clients they choose. He said it would be a powerful blog. I have been thinking about it but I really don’t know where to start. I have seen so many therapists over the years but none of them have rejected me because of my suicidality or hospitalizations. It’s trying to find a new therapist that is the problem. I will write it, eventually. I have a lot to say on the matter as I am pissed off about not being able to find someone for the reasons I stated. Makes me really wonder why they chose clinical mental health and not some academic position. Makes no sense.

Cruise Night

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Cruise night

My youngest sister and I went on a Booze Cruise to benefit autism. It was a great night. My sister knew more people than I did, but I still had a good time. I took pics until it got too dark. The weather was great. By the time we went back to the dock, I was hurting. My sister wanted to go out with her friends so she called me an Uber to go home. I shared a car with a couple who lived in my area. We hit every fricken red light until we got on the highway.

My day was fairly okay. Before the cruise, we went to Legal Seafood for dinner. They got my order wrong, twice! Then when the right order came, I wasn’t that hungry anymore. I ate half the sandwich and some fries. It was okay but my mouth was hurting. The dentist finally called in the antibiotic and some oral rinse that I need to use. I see the dentist on Monday morning. I had one drink on the cruise and didn’t want to take pain meds but my mouth was hurting me more than my chronic pain. It was really uncomfortable.

I am really tired and sore. I stood a lot and when I took off my sock when I got home, it set off my foot pain. I think it’s going to be a long night.