Tag: coffee

Sunday blog 5 Aug 18

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Blog 5 Aug 2018

I’m listening to 1989 again. I spent most of the day sleeping because I woke up around 0530 in pain. Tomorrow I got to go to the pharmacy and get more meds. I can’t fill the ER ones but I think I can fill the ones I take as PRN. Sucks. My mother was in a lot of pain. By the end of the night, she could hardly walk and it was stressing her out. I have no idea if going through this type of surgery at this time of year was a good idea. But I guess it was better than during the winter. The humidity sucks. I will be giving my AC a break tomorrow when I go out. It has been running non stop for more than a few days. I will be going out MWF so I will shut it off then. It is supposed to be hot all week

I have been reading more. I finished the chapter in the Poe book today. I read it this morning before the meds made me sleepy. I took an Ativan because I wanted to sleep. When I got up, made a pizza for lunch. My brother in law brought up some leftover mushroom pizza. My mother had that. I don’t like mushroom. I just made the deep dish pizza I like. I have like three boxes of them. It is good personal size pizza. My mother doesn’t like it.

After I ate, I made coffee and then shaved my head. I was too hot to shower. The coffee made me sleepy so I just took another nap for a few hours. My sister called wanting me to check on her daughter. My other sister was making my mother dinner. My aunt was over with my cousin who has a 5 month old baby. I played with the baby for a bit before going in the shower before I sweat a lot. I had brought a change of clothes with me but it was too humid to put them on. I quickly dried off, wrapped the towel around me and made a dash to my room. I sat on my bed drying myself off again. I cooled off before I got dressed again. Then my sister wanted me to look after my niece. I went downstairs and she was in bed. She didn’t want anything to eat. She said she would call me when she was hungry. I said okay.

I went back upstairs. I didn’t have dinner yet. I didn’t know what I wanted. I was cooling off in my room. My aunt and cousin left. I decided to make bacon. I had to make it before it went bad. As I was making it, my cousin with bipolar disorder came over. He had done some stuff on his phone and wanted me to fix it. I asked if he wanted a sandwich. He did. So I cooked all the bacon. My mother didn’t want any. He was such a pain in the ass, asking about my mother every five minutes, like any minute she was going to have a problem or something. He was getting on my noise. I had a few bites of my sandwich and then undid what he did on his phone. He was done with his sandwich by then. He wanted me to fix his time out lock. I did that too. His settings were all messed up. He must have had all the phone “cleaners” that were available. I uninstalled all of them and those that were not supposed to be there. I then cleared his browser history and prevented pop ups from happening, which was how I think he ended up with all that shit on his phone. He was talking to me about his mother or my mother the whole time. I was sweating bullets. He looked at my haircut and said the guy did a good job. I said I shaved the sides and back. He was incredulous. He said I did a good job. I finished with his phone and handed it back to him then finished my sandwich. Luckily he took off after saying goodbye to my mother. He said he would come up tomorrow. I hope I am not home, LOL

Sprained Ankle? Sprained ankle

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, cauda equina syndrome, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Sprained ankle?

So yesterday, I tripped over my own foot. It had gone inward and I lurched forward. I knew it was more than it because I felt like I moved something and it was painful. Later last night, my foot was hurting and I looked at my foot and it was pretty swollen. I put ice on it and the brace that I had been using for my left ankle. I couldn’t wear it long because it was annoying my Achilles problem. I called this morning to see if I could get it checked out and they had a late afternoon appt. I decided to get my haircut in the morning.

I checked on my mother and she didn’t need anything. No one was coming today, which I thought was odd. They would be coming tomorrow. I went on my way. The bus was early and I forgot the bus schedule was more frequent at that hour. When I got to the Square, the barbers weren’t open yet, so I went to Starbucks to get something to eat and have my espresso. I had 5 shots and a bagel. I didn’t write. After I finished the bagel, I went to the barbers and they were open. I was the first customer so didn’t have to wait. I was glad. I got caught up with the my buddy. He gave me back my dish. After he cut my hair, I went back to Starbucks to write for a bit. I had three hours before my appt. I didn’t want to sit and write for that long. I ordered a large iced coffee. I thought it would help keep me awake but it made me sleepy.

I decided to go home for a bit. I took the dish and my cup out of my bag. I forgot to put the cup in the sink. I changed my T-shirt as it had hair all over it. It was hot in the house. My ankle kind of went out as I was going up and down the stairs. I put the moleskin padding on my AFO as I knew the humidity was going to irritate me. It stayed on and I wasn’t irritated.

I went to the doc appt. I had a resident, who was behind. I waited. Then was called in. My feet were hot so I was grateful to take off my socks to cool them off. The doctor came in and I told him what was wrong. It was a little concerning as the foot drop was kind of new but I stressed it only happened when I was fatigued and usually on my way home. He said I sprained it and I would need an x-ray and a brace. I was hangry so I was very frustrated. CES again caused me trouble after all these years. I went to the different places. I was wearing my sneakers with Velcro straps rather than laces. It didn’t stretch that much and it was a tight fit. The brace pretty much immobilized my ankle, which was good. I was thinking of getting the same kind of one for my left so it wouldn’t cause me so much pain but I will save that for when I see whomever. The resident was going to try and move up my appt so I can get some care. I kept thinking today is Friday for some reason. I just want this week to be over.

I took the train home and waited for the bus. I listened to Pearl Jam as I was so frustrated. I seriously wanted to kick someone’s ass but there was no one. I came home and my aunt was still there. She said they just ate and why didn’t I let them know. ??? I just walked in the fricken door. I sat down in the chair and showed off my new brace. I was very hot as the humidity seemed to kick it up. The house was totally unbearable. I left my AC running. It was too hot not to. I couldn’t let my meds get hot, they would become yucky and possibly ineffective. I was hungry. I cooled off and my aunt yelled that she was going home as I was talking to my her son. She said my mother was “alone” and I said to myself, what am I, a ghost? He said that I had quacky doctors and went off. I told him good-bye. I was fed up with dealing with idiots who have no idea what I have been through and have their own idea of what is wrong with my ankles. It is all stemming from my nerve damage and that made my ankles weak, hence why I was tripping over them but because it happened 17 years ago, they don’t put the things together as I am seen as “abled bodied”.

My mother was lying on her bed when I came downstairs to make my dinner. I wanted a turkey sandwich so I made one. I had chips with it. Then I took a cool shower. I felt better after I ate. I realized then I was hangry. I told my mother what my aunt said and she laughed. I was so tired afterwards. I decided to take my meds early and go to sleep. The game had just started and the Snakes scored 4 runs. It didn’t look good. I told my other cousin buona notte, I wasn’t feeling well. In my rush to get some sleep, I forgot to take my night pain meds so I was woken up. Now I can’t go back to sleep. I didn’t plan on writing a blog today but here it is. I feel better now that I wrote about this. The pic is what I now look like with the AFO (ankle foot orthotic) and the air cast. I got to follow up with the doc to find out how long I am to wear it.

My malleolus was acting up when I got to my doc’s office. Now it is blearing. While I was in the shower, it moved some way that hurt really bad. It felt like it wanted to expand my arch or something. It felt like I had sprained it but I don’t see how that was possible as I didn’t do anything to it. It might have just been a cramp. I know I am dehydrated. I have been parched the whole time I was at the doc’s office. I didn’t have cold water, just the hot bottled water that was in my bag that was gross. I had leaked again while I was out and about. I smelled of pee so bad so I needed a shower. Tomorrow I am going to wear a diaper. I have no choice. I just hope the stupid thing doesn’t leave lint shit on my privates or in my ass. It is a cheap diaper but it works. I feel so embarrassed about it. But nerve damage is not something you can mess around with. I am not leaking more than usual or anything. I just am not feeling myself when I am full and the overflow is what is leaking. Then I get the urge to go. Past two days I have been ignoring the urge so I leak. That is life with Cauda Equina Syndrome!

hot day turns into T-storms

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Hot day turns into T-Storms

I woke up around 10. My mother was already at the hospital. I had a bad night of sleeping and pain. I had already told her if I slept and didn’t have pain, I would go. She understood as there was little for me to do at the hospital anyways.

I made breakfast but not until I shut the kitchen door and let it cool down some. It was a sauna as all the mugginess was in the kitchen. I am glad I was home because the thunderstorms we had would have flooded the kitchen. I made bacon and eggs. It was good. I then had coffee and as usual, felt sleepy so napped. My sister called me when my mother was still in surgery. I was half asleep. I told her I didn’t feel good. My ankle acted up while I was cooking. I spent the afternoon in bed and having a weird dream that I was admitted to a really bad rehab hospital. It was almost like a nightmare. The rain must have been getting in my dream because there was water everywhere.

After I woke from my nap, I called my sister to see how my mother was doing. She was in recovery and soon headed to her room. Surgery went well and she was a little nauseous. My sister texted me her room number. I tried calling a few times but no answer. I’ll call tomorrow to see how she is.

I haven’t done anything other than what I just described. It was very stormy out and I was afraid we would lose power. The temp dropped but the humidity didn’t. I hate that. What is the purpose of rain if it doesn’t get cooler. The All Star game is on but I don’t feel like watching it. They had a delay due to rain. I hope the AL wins, but then I always do. Think I am going to read a couple of chapters of The Poe Shadow. I’m not really interested in it but I started it so I need to finish. It is a fairly easy book to read, not as complicated as Dostoevsky. I’ll take my night meds soon and hopefully have an easy night. I’m not in super pain, which is surprising as the barometric pressure has been all over the place. I somewhat feel a migraine coming on as I have a pain right above my right eye. Allergies have been awful today. I don’t know if it is a migraine or sinus stuff because I am congested. I hate allergies. Stupid pollen! Course being in the kitchen doesn’t help because the windows are covered in pollen. Least I will have the door closed so no more gets in the house. Supposed to be 70 tomorrow. I don’t know what the humidity will be. It was 88% last I check an hour or so ago. YUCK!

it is hot and I am hangry

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

It is hot and I am hangry

I have been in a kind of pissy mood most of the day. I found out that it is because I am hungry. I felt better once I had breakfast and then didn’t eat again until I got home from therapy. I was so friggen angry. Every moron was in my way. I nearly missed my stop because I lost track of the stops. I thought I got on the train where my psychiatrist is. My therapist is two stops later. I was so angry and distracted by my phone, I lost count and luckily looked up in time. No matter, the bus decided not to show up. I caught the bus down the street to catch the 1545 bus that would take me home. I am so mad! And HOT. On the way home, I saw my cousin sitting on the wall by Walgreens. I guess he stopped to relax as his prescription wasn’t ready. We talked on the way home. It had been a while since we chatted. I have his number blocked because he annoys me. Sorry but if I don’t answer my phone the first time, that doesn’t give you permission to call every two minutes for 10 minutes trying to reach me!!

I ordered food because I didn’t want to heat up the pulled pork or make something else. I was too tired and hot. Therapy went okay. He is on vacation for two weeks. Kind of weird not seeing him. He asked why. I said because we have not really had two consecutive weeks of not seeing each other. Maybe every other week but not two weeks. And in that time frame, I don’t have anything else scheduled. Mostly because the All Star game is playing, which means the Sox are off for four days. I hate that week. I miss my boys playing. I can’t believe we are almost at the midway point. We lost big time last night. Sox got their asses handed to them all because of OverPriced Price. Fricken asshole. I think he did it on purpose so he can find some excuse not to play them next time. Fricken loser he is. And a $31 million dollar one at that!

I wrote my friend an email. I sent her an email a couple weeks ago with a doggie pic of the breed she likes. But my stupid phone did something to the email I wrote and it got stuck in my outbox so the only thing that got sent was the pic, then it looked like she responded but there was nothing. I don’t know. I used my computer to send her another message with an update. I am seeing my friends that are south of Boston on the 4th. I am wicked excited. I told them I might be late as the T is running on a Sunday schedule, which means no service to the red line. I hope I can get a ride from my sister. She hasn’t answered my text so not sure what she is doing. If I can’t, I will have to go to the Orange line and transfer to the red. I have no idea how the trains are going to be running. I know I will probably need a cab home.

My back started to act up soon after I got up. Started with my right buttock hurting. I used a tennis ball to massage it. Now my lower back on the right side is hurting. Feels like the muscles want to be torn away from my spine and sacrum. I just hurt. I took some ibuprofen to help with the pain. It is all muscles. I have no radiating pain that would indicate a nerve problem. Weird thing is that I am having zaps (electric shocks) going through the sole of my left foot. It is mild but can cause me to jump at any minute. I had to put my foot at a weird angle to make it stop. Hate zaps. They are more unpredictable than flares. Come when you least expect it and just going about your business. Fuckers. I wish I didn’t have PT tomorrow but the next few days are going to be hot either way. Friday there are going to be storms so I don’t want to go out in that. I just want to hug my AC. I woke up freezing around maybe 4 this morning. I had to shut it off. Then I woke up hot. It didn’t matter as I had to be up anyways. I wish I stayed up than go back to sleep. I feel so worn out. Even my therapist said I was tired.