Tag: mood disorders
strip it down
Strip it down
I’m listening to Luke Bryan and this is the song that is currently playing. I couldn’t come up with a title so thought I would use the name of the song. Corny, but it works.
I went food shopping today. I didn’t get much as I didn’t have that much money on me. I just bought the bare essentials until next week when I get paid. We were out of juice and that was the important thing. Always need juice in case my mother’s sugar goes down. I got a little of this and that. Then caught the bus to the square to get an espresso. I also treated myself to a cranberry bliss bar. Those are so good. I haven’t had one in a couple years. They only come out during Christmas season. I then hurried to catch the bus home.
I wrote a pitch for my second book and submitted it to a mental health press. It will be a few weeks before I know if they will print it. I had no idea if what I did was right as I never submitted a pitch before. I was really tired after writing it up. I went to nap and then my mother called just as I was ready to drift off to sleep. I was robbed of a nap. I didn’t want to get up. I wasn’t that hungry but I went downstairs. My mother made pasta for me as I wanted some. She made asparagus and eggs. I had a little of it while the pasta was cooking. She made it really al dente. I am not a fan of al dente. I ate it and now I am super full.
It has been snowing on and off today but now it’s snowing pretty steady. It’s supposed to snow till Christmas morning. Don’t know if that will happen. We haven’t had a white Christmas in years. It would be nice.
tough news
Tough news
I woke up with my med alarm going off. I had set it so that I could be better at taking my morning blood pressure pills. My ankle kind of hurt so I thought it was going to be okay to stand up and go to the bathroom. NOT. Standing up brought a lot of pain and I knew the day was going to be shot. I gingerly went downstairs with the cane as I didn’t have time to put on the boot. My bladder said now and it meant it. As I was moving about, the pain kind of got better but didn’t go away. I wasn’t going to chance flaring it up while making cookies so that will be tomorrow’s quest.
I went back up to my room and then my bowels needed to be emptied. Seriously? Seriously. I went back downstairs and did my business. I had emailed my psych because my chin was twitching and I didn’t know if it was a side effect of the Invega. She said it could be like the eyelid twitching as she didn’t think it was due to the Invega. I was relieved. It is still weird to have the twitching though. Might be pain related as I really clenched my muscles when I had the cramp at PT to stop crying.
My mother had a visiting nurse come. She has had PT and RNs come to the house the last few weeks because she is having a hard time getting around. I waited for the nurse to leave before I went back downstairs to make some breakfast. I told my mother I really would like mac and cheese the way she makes it for dinner. It is basically elbows and American cheese melted on top. It is quick and easy and I love it.
Around 1230 or so, I get a response from my PCP. It wasn’t good news. He is a fink. He said that he was skeptical about playing around with my pain meds. But a longer acting pain sound okay for me. But he wanted me to be seen by a pain doc. I was fuming so hard I started crying. I responded that why couldn’t he tell me this 2 months ago and now I will have to wait at last another month or two for the appt. That is like 4 months I have/will suffer. Thanks doc. Do you sign death certificates the way you handle chronic pain patients?? (or something like that). I cried for an hour. I still am crying though not as bad. I told my mother to cancel my birthday party. I didn’t want to see anyone, not even my family.
Then some other PT or nurse came and I had to go downstairs with my face a mess. Great. I had to open the door for her because my mother couldn’t make the stairs. I let her in and then got some salami from my sister’s house to make a sandwich for lunch. I came back to my room, figuring I would make the sandwich after the PT or whoever she was left except I finally managed to nap. I slept okay. My bladder woke me up and my sister was calling me. She wanted to know why I canceled my party. I told her I didn’t want to see anyone or do anything. She asked if she wanted to go for lunch or something and I said no.
My mother had left me a message as I was drifting off to sleep. I asked her what she wanted and she wanted to know why I was crying. I told her I didn’t want to talk about it as I just stopped crying and didn’t want to start again. I am crying as I am typing this because I am still upset my PCP is a fink. I just can’t believe he couldn’t tell me this two months ago. I could have made an appt and had meds I needed by now. The fink also said that trying the Vimpat for at least two weeks might help me. WTF seriously??!! There is no data to support that. I will only be on 50 mg for a week before increasing it to 100 mg, taking 50 mg twice a day. I wanted to put the med alarm in place so that I could take my meds twice a day as I usually sleep too late, especially when I have difficult nights falling asleep due to pain. I have no idea how I am going to react to this med and I hope that it is favorable.
The fink wants ME to call the pain clinic for an appt. I will have to look up the number as I’ve never been a patient there, I don’t think. If I was, it was before I developed CRPS. I fucking hate that I have to see another doctor and explain the whole story. And hope that he or she won’t turn me away when I tell them I don’t want injections of any kind. Only think I will be open to would be ketamine infusions. I really hope that when I have to refill my pain meds for next month, the fink allows it. Otherwise there is going to be problems.
bad day at PT
Bad day at PT
I wasn’t in too much pain when I woke up around 1015 this morning. I had to leave early because I needed to mail a book out to one of my CES friends. She wants to give it to her husband for Christmas. Hope it arrives in time. It was cold but not frigid as I waited for the bus. I got to the place around 1215, which still left me a half hour before my appt. I went to a Dunkin and had a sandwich and coffee. And I had to have some donuts, too.
I saw the therapist as I checked in. I waved hi and she asked if she could have a few minutes to eat lunch. I said sure. That gave me time to finish my coffee. My pain was around a 3 or 4, the lowest it has been in quite some time. She decided to give me a try on a stair step thing. I did that for about three minutes. My ankle felt tight but it didn’t hurt. Then we did some other core exercises. My pain level didn’t change too much. Next she wanted to look at where my pain was so I took my sneakers and socks off. I pointed to where it hurt. My ankle was hanging off the table as she poked and prodded lightly. I was getting a bad feeling about this as my ankle didn’t feel right. She had me move my ankle this way and that, moved my toes manually as I couldn’t really do so, for 16 years. She said they were tight. Duh, I didn’t get movement back after 16 years. She said my joint (ankle) was tight. Next thing I know I got a cramp in the area that has been hurting me and I saw stars. It hurt so bad, I started crying. I couldn’t help it. She tried to ease it but nothing she did helped. I was in a flare. It took the rest of the time we had to settle down some so I could put my socks and sneakers back on. I felt bad I cried. I never cry in front of people, but I must have felt “close” to her because the tears were there. I was dreading going home but there was nothing I could do but grin and bear it.
She gave me some stretches and exercises written on a piece of paper and told me when I get home to put a warm compress on my ankle. She also wants me to email her tomorrow to let her know how I am doing. We also set some appts up in the new year. I was thankful to leave. Unfortunately, I had to stand for at least 15 minutes for the bus to take me to the station. I then I had to wait another 20 for the bus home. I kept standing and walking around, sitting while waiting for the bus. I got annoyed the bus hit traffic near a school zone. I wish I had a car so I could drive home. I hate taking the bus but there really is no other way I could travel to my destinations.
By the time I got to my stop, the pain had let up a little bit but walking was still difficult. I took off my AFO when I got home. I got a facecloth and ran hot water on it. I figured it would be warm by the time I put in on my ankle. I went up to my room carefully and got undressed quickly so the cloth didn’t become cold. It was still warm and I left it on my ankle until it got cold. It felt a little better. I took my pain meds. I figure if the pain didn’t go away in an hour or two, I would take the strong pain pill. I then got on my laptop with the intention of writing a blog but it didn’t happen. I was goofing off on the net. I still was thinking of writing but a wave of tiredness came over me and I didn’t know if I should nap or not. By the time I was done goofing off, I was hungry. I tried to order a sandwich but you needed a minimum of $10 and the sandwich was $8. Oh well. I wanted cold cuts but didn’t feel like going back out. I asked my sister if she was coming home after work. She said later and what’s up. I told her I wanted her to buy cold cuts for me and she said she had some in her house. Score! Now I just needed the pain to stop enough for me to go down two flights of stairs. I eventually made my way down. The sandwich was good. She had turkey and salami and rolls.
I am so tired right now. It’s too early to take my meds. I wanted to watch Home Alone but I forgot where I put it. I think it’s in a CD case. I am hurting too much to stand that long taking it off my bookcase as there are other things on top of it. I will try and look for it tomorrow when hopefully the pain is down. My ankle is really throbbing. I am tempted to put some lidocaine on it. But it’s kind of cold in my room and I really don’t want my foot to get frozen like it did the other day.
midnightdemons7 
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