Tag: nerve injury

productive day

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Productive day

I did some productive things today, including writing this blog. I made breakfast and coffee. I wanted another cup but I might have one in the afternoon. I then got dressed and mailed out the voter registration cards that I needed to mail. It was a nice walk as it was cooler today than it has been past four days. I still got out of breath by the time I came back to my house. I had to take the mask off to breathe properly. I hate that I am still getting winded while walking.

Only think left for me to do is empty the recycling in my room. I might do that this afternoon. I just hope there is still room in the bin. I might shower later. I stink. I haven’t showered since Sunday. But I am tired so I don’t think I am going to.

I have been in a funk the past few days. My mood has been really low. It has been like this for the past week or so. I stopped taking the duloxetine because it was upsetting my stomach and now that I am off the Invega, I feel “off”. I still get the shakes but I think it is because I am cold as I get a chill from the AC. I love being cold but not too cold. My therapist doesn’t know I have stopped my meds. She is not going to be happy when I tell her tomorrow. I just hope my shopping comes in before the appointment. I really am not looking forward to the conversation as she gets concerned. I don’t meet with my psychopharm until next week. I am not sure what I will be on. I am not having symptoms right now so I don’t want to be on anything. The depression will always be there. I wish I didn’t get sick from the duloxetine. It was finally working for me. I don’t have any other antidepressant to go to now. All the others make me sick.

Today was my shot day. I hit another vein when I injected. Blood was everywhere but luckily I didn’t get any on the bedding. I feel so wiped out right now. I guess all the energy I had wore off. I want to nap and I might. I really don’t want to because I did that all day yesterday. Yesterday I couldn’t stay awake even if you paid me. I was so damn tired. It was so damn hot out. I haven’t been sleeping good. I just been sleeping in increments. I don’t know why I can’t sleep more than 4 or 5 hours straight. I keep waking up with weird dreams. My REM is short, 45 mins rather than 90 mins. I have sort of timed it once. I don’t know why it is so short but it sucks as I don’t get the sleep I need.

Last night I was feeling suicidal again. I was just in a rotten mood. Today is better but I feel restless. I don’t know why I feel like I am so shaky. Could be withdrawal from the medication from last week. I hope it passes because I hate feeling cooped up inside myself. That is the best way to describe how I feel. I wish the walk I took today helped calm me down some but it didn’t. I think I am just going to empty my recycle to get some exercise and get my mind off things. I might watch some of the TV show that I am into. I haven’t watched it in months. Sucks because I am paying for it yet I am not watching the shows. I just am not too interested in TV. I rather read a book or listen to music. I am still listening to Hamilton’s soundtrack. I got my four favorite songs that I listen to all the time. I sometimes pick a song and then listen to the rest of the musical until I hear It’s Quiet Uptown. I think the musical should have ended there rather than with Hamilton’s death but I don’t make the rules.

I need to get my haircut. I think I will get it done on Friday. I don’t think I have energy for it today and tomorrow my groceries are going to be delivered so I won’t have time then. I also have therapy. I just hope the groceries come before my appointment.

Sunday’s thoughts

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Sunday’s thoughts

I woke up feeling shaky again. I just wanted to sleep today but forced myself to sit up and face the day. It is really hot out and I am retreating to my room for most of the day as it is the only place that is cool. I also forced myself to shower. It was quick and I feel better and am much less stinkier. My brother in law is mowing the grass so I am getting whiffs of it. Smells nice on a day like today. I just hope he doesn’t get burnt like he usually does in hot weather.

My back has been spasming since showering. I just took a Zanaflex to calm it down some. I wonder if part of the shakiness is because I stopped taking the Cymbalta a week ago and the antipsychotic in the same week. Hate that these meds have these side effects on you. You really put up with a lot but I guess it is better than being psychotic at times. Right now I would rather feel psychotic than shaky and have uncontrollable hands/arms.

I did my meds for the week. I nearly forgot last week. I don’t understand how I can forget as I do it nearly the same time every week but I guess there is always a chance of forgetting. I don’t even remember what I was doing last week. I just have time go by and I get lost with it. I have been listening to Hamilton’s soundtrack the past week. It is such a good musical. There are like four songs that I have on repeat. Helpless, Satisfied, Burn, and It’s Quiet Uptown. I love these songs. I think they are the best of the best though I woke up with Washington on your side in my head this morning. I have snippets of songs go through my head and I have to listen to the song to get it out of my head.

I can’t take the shakiness anymore. It is driving me nuts. I don’t know why I am feeling so damn shaky. I feel like I am withdrawing from something. I have taken little doses of Cymbalta thinking it is serotonin related but I get no relief. It is awful. I don’t know what this shakiness is about. I am still sore from all the shaking that happened Friday morning. It was awful that I was up all night with side effects and nothing was working. I was alternating Benadryl and Ativan and still wasn’t getting relief. I should have had relief so I think it is part of the Cymbalta withdrawal. I just hope I will be getting better soon.

Today is my blogging anniversary! Happy 8 years!

Thursday’s Thoughts

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, cauda equina syndrome, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Thursday’s thoughts

I am not thinking of much right now. I have about a half hour before therapy. I nearly slept through my PT appointment. Thank goodness she called me. I glanced at my phone and saw it was 11 but I didn’t get up because I forgot about the appointment. We had it with time to spare. I got three new exercises to do while in bed. That will be good on days I don’t feel like going to the kitchen to do my sitting up and standing ones. She thinks she can improve my stamina while walking. I told her I am thinking of surgery to drain the fluid pocket that is causing me so much trouble. She wants me to think about it and she will be there to help me get back to “normal”, whatever that is. I just know that I don’t want to huff and puff while walking somewhere. If I can accomplish that, I will be in good shape.

Therapy went well. I will be trying a new sleep routine as I have had severe insomnia the past few nights. I hope that I can stick to it. We also talked about how frustrating it is that I am still not better after all this time. And about having possible surgery. She said not to go down the bad thought road as that might make me more susceptible to a bad outcome after surgery. I am trying not to think of this at all but I am facing it as I don’t know if the steroids will work for good this time. I am not sure what will happen after Monday. I am so tempted to just get the MRI and have the talk of surgery. I feel that if I have the MRI and see if the fluid collection gets smaller with this course of steroids. Only side effect I am having is stomach upset. I just take Mylanta when it is bad. It helps. We also talked about my psych. I was expecting her to be judgmental but she wasn’t. I am glad as I was nervous bringing it up. She needs to know that I am in contact with her because there is a chance I will be seeing her again as my psychopharm. I didn’t tell her how my appointment with the NP psychopharm went. I was sworn to confidentiality about what we talked about. It was upsetting and I am not sure she will be sticking around come the fall. I really don’t want to lose another provider but she needs to do what she needs to do.

I need to shower but I haven’t had the energy to take it. I did trim down my beard as it was getting itchy. I wanted to shave it all off but I held back as I would have to shower afterwards. I might do it after I write this blog. I plan on seeing my barber tomorrow so would like my hair to be washed. I also plan on going to Starbucks for a damn mocha. I have been having severe Starbucks withdrawal since the pandemic started and I was in no shape to be traveling to the stores anyway as I was just recovering from surgery. Hell I am still recovering from surgery and it is frustrating as all hell. I just hope PT is able to help me lead a better life than what I am currently experiencing. I can’t take another mishap. Which is why I am not looking forward to another potential surgery in the upcoming weeks. Just really hoping that the steroids work. PT is optimistic that because the steroids are systemic they should work. I hope she is right because I don’t think I can face another surgery.

My step count is at 316. I have 84 steps to make 400 for the day. I think I can do it if I try. I will be going downstairs more. I just been leaving my room to eat and use the bathroom. I haven’t been walking around the house that much. I will later. I am certain I can do 84 steps or more by the end of tonight.

another shitty day

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Another shitty day

I tried to make it to my appointment for urodynamics today but my body was like, that is a no. I got the runs when I reached the bus stop. I came home just in time. How I didn’t crap myself I have no idea but I am taking it as a blessing. I canceled the appointment because it was too late to go back to the bus stop. Plus I wasn’t feeling so hot. I felt weak like I did a month a go when I had the infection I wasn’t aware of. I just tried to go back to sleep but I got hungry and made myself something to eat. I didn’t like the coffee today. It wasn’t sweet enough. I drank half a cup and then tossed the rest of it down the drain. I feel bad that I had to cancel but if I had gotten the ride like I was supposed to it would be a different matter. I couldn’t get a ride because they would pick me up after the appointment and that wouldn’t be good. So I canceled the ride and appointment. I had no choice. I will just make it on another day.

My psych emailed me this morning and I responded saying that I wish I could just say the hell with the steroids, order the MRI and do the surgery but I can’t. If the steroids don’t work, then I will have to go to plan b which is what I just said. There is no other plan. I have six days on the steroids and then we’ll see how I feel. I hope that I will be feeling better. I haven’t done my PT exercises because I walked to the bus stop and back. I did a 1000 steps. PT should be happy with that.

I asked my sister to take me to the library so I could return this book I have had out since Feb. It was due in March but because of Covid, they kept putting the date back. It is due next week so I had to return it. The library still isn’t open. I wanted to see if I could get the YA book that I am starting. I have the first book on kindle. I would like to get the other 2 books in the series but they are too much for me right now. I have been seeing good reviews on Twitter from readers I know. I am always interested in a good book.

I have been listening to Hamilton the past few weeks. I just love this musical. I am glad I gave it a second chance and downloaded Disney Plus so I could watch it. I like to put a name with a face. And I love Phillipa Soo. She is brilliant and so beautiful.