flare up

Flare up

I am in a flare right now. Ankle is so hurting. Bones are hurting me more than anything. I took a double dose of gabapentin and took my BT meds which I am running low on. I forgot to call in a refill Friday. I was in such a bad mood Friday that I just stayed in bed. I didn’t get up for anything other than bathroom breaks. I don’t think I ate either. I managed to eat today but it was just soup and ensure. I wanted to make some scrambled eggs but my sister was taking over the stove baking and making the soup. I couldn’t be bothered with being in the way. I have my way of doing things and I didn’t want to go over my sister.

I laid low today. I didn’t have the energy to do anything. I wanted to pick up my meds at the pharmacy but I had such a headache that I didn’t get up till 1500. It was too late to do things. I had no motivation when I woke up to do anything. I have been in this mood for a while. I think the depression is getting worse. I really want to increase the citalopram but this idiot psychiatrist is banking on the antipsychotic in helping my mood. He is really pissing me off. I got to go for an EKG before he wants to increase the dose. I have never had a problem with SSRIs and my heart. It is just another excuse so he won’t increase the dose.

I am tired but I can’t sleep. I think I slept too late today. I haven’t had coffee in two days. I don’t know if my sister bought half and half like I asked her. She went shopping today. I forgot to ask her if she bought my things. I wanted butternut squash for Turkey day. I wonder if my therapist is going to be with her family that day. All this covid stuff has people putting off visiting, least the responsible people. The ones that don’t care just do what they want without consequence to them. Wear your mask! Wash your hands! Social distance!

I haven’t been doing the DBT skill that my therapist wants me to do. I haven’t been in the mood to do it. I have looked it over several times and there is a lot in the ACCEPTS skill. Each letter is a different activity. One of the reasons why I don’t like DBT, too much work. I haven’t even written about the “experience”. I started writing a letter to my therapist last night I think. I don’t even remember what I wrote. I will have to look at it before session to know what I said. I am glad I have access to sent mail.

My ankle pain has worsened. It feels like someone is trying to break it in two. I already took what I can to combat this pain. I just have to wait it out for now. I hate the waiting. It makes me anxious. I was listening to music but instead of calming me, it was making me annoyed. I have to put on Mary Chapin. She is the only one that calms me down when I am irritable. She has such a soothing voice. Tomorrow I need to shower and shave. It is on my to do things. I just hope I can do it without my back flaring up on me. My back has been so much better since taking the magnesium supplements. I haven’t noticed a bowel change with me taking it twice a day. I have had to take Miralax in order to go. I am not going to take the senna anymore as it hasn’t done anything for me to help my bowels. I just feel like I am taking a pill that is doing nothing. Maybe my bowels will be better without me taking it. I hope so anyway. We’ll see.