When suicide becomes the option due to the opioid epidemic

When suicide becomes the option due to the opioid epidemic

I have been involved in the suicide prevention things for the past eleven years or so. I have been reading research articles from those in the field. Then I became disabled and my suicidality increased but I have not made any attempts. The reason I say this is because I am now involved in the chronic pain community and found that there have been a lot of suicides since the crack down on opioids really started bearing down on patients and their doctors.

Recently there has been a woman in Montana that ended her life after the DEA went after her doctor. I find this, sadly, preventable. These pain patients have severe pain and need opioids to get relief. Since October, I have been trying to get adequate pain meds to relieve my pain but have been facing nothing but red tape. I have had two psych hospitalizations, which have not been helpful in the least. My psychiatrist is really worried about me. I have a plan to end things in a few months. It is a coping mechanism for me to make these plans. I don’t know if I will go through with it but it’s helpful for me to know there is an end to my suffering.

In the suicide prevention community, specifically a social media twitter group called SPSM (suicide prevention social media) there has been a lot of talk about getting the medical professionals to talk openly about asking about suicide as there has been research stating most suicides happen a within a period of time after seeking a medical professional. I argue that the psych professionals also have to ask the question, which sometimes does not happen for a variety of reasons. What is missing in those with chronic pain, is also lacking the talk of asking about suicide after pain meds have been forcibly cut or stopped all together. This kind of action has lead to multiple suicide that Dr. Kline, a pain physician, has written about.

I really think that if the pain psychologist in these pain clinics ask about it or even the health care professionals do, there might be a chance of saving a life. These patients feel their backs are against a wall and they cannot function without these meds anymore. The epidemic is nothing but hysteria. The CDC lied about their statistics and made it look like prescription opioids were the problem when it was really illicit drugs. Compounding the problem with chronic pain patients not getting the meds they need are the patients that have substance abuse disorder. The stigma surrounding substance abuse is probably as bad as those with suicidal ideation. There are no easy answers as some chronic pain patients has been grouped with the substance use and vice versa. Both need to be treated with meds but stigma and thoughts of not being able to be “strong” enough to stand the withdrawals or handle pain is just not a way of doing it. Unlike alcohol abuse where abstinence helps, substance use need medical assisted treatment with meds such as suboxone. There needs to be no legal punishment for those seeking treatment. More overdoses have happened due to people being released from jail and then using again because their tolerance has been lowered while being away from their substance.

With chronic pain, those that have been stable for years and being taken off abruptly, often turn to suicide because their pain is making their lives miserable. They can no longer do the things they did while on pain meds for their chronic pain. Often these patients feel abandoned by their doctors and some have been and are unable to find another doctor to treat them. Some have to travel far from their homes for care. It is a sad situation. Pain needs to be addressed. It was the 5th vital sign but the crisis has done away with it. So those with deep emotional pain don’t get asked about suicide and those with deep physical pain are neglected and never asked about their suicidal thoughts. Can we bridge this huge gap? Tough question to be answered.

laptop, pain, and errands

New laptop, pain, and errands

I did errands this morning as I wanted to be home for the delivery of my new laptop. My mother woke me up around 815 to put her socks on. She was in a lot of pain and her sugar was low, though she didn’t know it until she went downstairs. I figured as much because of the way she was acting, even though she kept saying she was alright. I couldn’t go back to sleep because I was hot and it was muggy. I hate mugginess. It was worse when I went out. My ankle didn’t like me walking at all. I barely made it home. I had to stop and sit on the stairs for a bit before going up to my house.

My laptop is huge and has a number pad! It is more than 15 inches. I like it though. My POS is a shrimp compared to this sucker. I haven’t named it yet. The POS is called Milo. I have no idea why named it that. I think some dog on twitter was called that and I liked the name.

I’ve been listening to the radio most of the day, well the Tune In app. My radio doesn’t play my country station right. The sound fades in and out but it is fine during the baseball game. I don’t get it. I even have the antenna up. Might just be the reception in my room.

My ankle has been a bitch all day. I don’t know if it is the sprained ligament or CRPS and frankly, I don’t care, I just want it to stop. It is this stabbing, gnawing pain. I am seeing the pain doc tomorrow and I hope he changes my meds or gives me a longer acting med or something. I am ok with my meds but any movement in my ankle seems to trigger pain. I am so tired of hurting. It just never ends.

I might get new glasses tomorrow. Depends how my pain is as I will need to walk farther to get to where I need to go. It is going to be muggy tomorrow too. Sucks. I made iced coffee today. It was so good. I will be going to Starbucks tomorrow for iced espresso. I found a larger insulated Starbucks mug in my office. I thought it was my medium cup but it is bigger than my venti size. I have no idea what happened to that cup and they don’t make that style anymore. Oh well.

Warm Wednesday finally

Warm Wednesday Finally

The temps in Boston were higher than Dallas and Miami, which is unusual. Last night it was 61 when I finally when to bed sometime around 3 I think. I was in a bad flare. I ended up going on a shopping spree. I wanted to buy more pajama pants and some shorts for the summer. I still need to buy some jean shorts as I only have one pair. I have a cargo shorts but they are getting worn. I haven’t really bought clothes since I went on disability six years ago. I also bought a couple pairs of sneakers has it has been as long since I bought them. They will last. I bought two kinds, one with laces and one with Velcro. I think the Velcro will be easier with the AFO. If not, I will have a spare pair.

My med alarm scared me. I took my BP pill and then went back to sleep only to wake up scared again with my alarm to get up for my groceries. I wanted to make pancakes but I wasn’t hungry or motivated to. I made coffee. It was good with the sweet cream. I didn’t use any sugar, which is good because it would have been too sweet. I only had half a cup. I realize I like the taste more than I like drinking it. I had a pop tart and then waited for my groceries. They were running late and when the driver came he was a wreck. He was driving all over the place and I guess the customers were not happy about late deliveries.

I put the stuff away and then made lunch. I bought Brie cheese and didn’t realize you had to keep it out a while for it to be soft. I had put it in the fridge as I didn’t know this until I was making my lunch. I put too much so it was filling. I will leave it out next time so it will be softer to spread. I still enjoyed the sandwich. Maple turkey breast, Brie, and cranberry sauce in a tortilla wrap. So good.

Afterwards, I was so damn tired I took a nap. A friend called me around 1630. I just let the phone ring. I didn’t want to get up. But then my bladder said I had to so as I stretched, my foot fricken cramped! OMG, not good! I was in so much pain. It finally settled down on its own. I had trouble walking and hope the cramp didn’t cause any damage. That is all I need. I had dinner and then just played on my phone for a bit. I am really tired so I hope I sleep tonight. My foot is still hurting a lot. It’s always a question of whether it is going to keep me up or not. I am hoping now. But it is also hot in my room so who knows. There will be thunderstorms tomorrow afternoon/evening. Always happens when the weather is warm.

going out fail

Going out fail

I woke up around 9. I had about 6 hours of sleep so that was good. I was feeling okay so decided I would go out. I showered and brushed my teeth. My mother was going over my aunt’s because she was going to Walgreens with her. I am glad she is going out. She needs to as I am sure being stuck in the house sucks every day.

I had taken my phone off the charger when it was fully charged last night and I was at less than 50% because I had messages. I hate when that happens. I put it on the charger after I took my shower for a little bit. I had an extra power cord so I could charge it when I got to Starbucks. I got dressed, grabbed my cup, and left for the bus stop.

When I got to the Square and started towards Starbucks, my ankle started hurting. It was crowded in the store but I found a seat. I got my breakfast and espresso. The pain didn’t get better so after I finished eating, I decided to check the strawberries at the grocery store then go home. I missed the bus and the next the one wasn’t for another half hour so I had some time to kill. The strawberries were expensive. I got a wrap for lunch and then went to see my barber to see if he had my dish. He didn’t have customers so went to his house to get the dish. I waited and met the fill in guy. He seemed nice. My barber came back and I gave him my number so he could call when he wanted the casserole again. He said thanks and I went to the bus stop. My ankle was really smarting. I could barely walk home. I struggled up the stairs and was saying to myself that this story is never going to get written. I was feeling hopeless again because pain has taken so much from me. Now it’s affecting my writing (not blog related). Just sucks because I really like writing and I know this story will be good if it ever gets out of my head. Maybe I can use this POS to write it out when I get the chance.

I threw caution to the wind last night and bought a new laptop. It was within my price range, has 8 GB RAM and a 1TB hard drive or SSD, whatever you want to call it. It comes in on Friday and I also ordered Office 2016. It takes a little getting used to but I like it and think I have figured it out. It is similar to 2013, which was what I had before, but the saving of a document or other files is different. I think it has too many clicks. The new laptop weighs about 5 pounds, which isn’t too bad. This POS weighs around 2 and is really light. I am kind of worried with the delivery as I am not going to be home but soon as the shipper gets it, I am going to see if they can change the time/date so I will be home.

My lower leg is throbbing so bad. I am listening to Cam to try and distract. I am going to have my lunch pretty soon. My mother is making pork chops for dinner. I am not crazy about it. Last time they tasted funny. I didn’t get sick so I guess it was just the taste of the pork.