Category: CRPS

Morning Glory Muffins and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Morning Glory Muffins and other things

In case you missed the link for the recipe: https://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/morning-glory-muffins-recipe

I woke up at 5 in pain. My ankle was screaming. I took some meds and was just beside myself. The depression that I have been feeling is getting worse. I just feel so hopeless. I managed to go downstairs to use the bathroom and then have some breakfast as I was hungry. I made four waffles and a cup a tea. I was starting to get a little sleepy by the time the tea was cool enough to drink. I went back to sleep after I drank it.

I woke up around 11. I found out the ballgame was at 2 so wanted to make these dreaded muffins. I should have used a food processor to chop in hindsight. I stood for about an hour walking around my kitchen getting things and mixing and stuff. I realized when while I was mixing it the apples I cut up were too big and the carrots were shredded too long. Oh well. It was the first time making this recipe. The muffins would just be chunky. They have apples, carrots, walnuts, coconuts, and raisins. It is a nice hearty muffin. It came out good. Even my mother liked it, and she doesn’t usually like my baking.

I went up to my room to rest and listen to the game. It was like the 7th inning and there still was no score. Price, the pitcher, left and then the Rays scored after a 2 run home run. Then we tied it in the 9th. We ended up winning in the 12th. I was happy. It was the 6th game in a row that we won. Our record right now is 6-1. Tomorrow they are off. Saturday is a day game, Sunday probably as well. I am happy with my team. I wish Red Sox Nation would give JBJ, the centerfielder a break. We probably would have lost the game had he not been playing today as there were some pretty tough balls hit to him.

My ankle exploded sometime around 5 and then again around 7 when I went to put eyedrops in my eyes. Same pain that I have been having all day. I hope I can see my psych tomorrow. She will understand if I don’t make it but it takes forever to get another appointment. I really hope I sleep tonight and don’t wake up fucking early in the morning. I can’t even give myself a “bedtime” because it never happens. I have been trying to stay off my phone when I want to sleep. Only trouble is that the books that I have been reading have been on my Kindle so the no electronics rule is out the window. I really need to read more but it’s so hard when the pain makes my brain mush. I can only read a few lines, like Twitter. I mostly just read a few tweets and skip the rest because they don’t pertain to me. I hate retweets because some of them are so not relevant to what I like. But whatever. Some of it is good because it keeps me in the loop of what Dotard is up to.

cooking Wednesday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Cooking Wednesday

I slept crappy for the third night in a row. I am so spent and labile. My mood keeps going all over the place and I am weepy at times. I was determined to make something today. I had silenced my phone not thinking it would not sound my med alarm. I wanted it to wake me up around 11. It never went off so I woke up around 1230. I really didn’t feel like doing shit but I was hungry and needed to make something.

I decided to make a three cheese egg and bacon burritos. I made four but my niece wanted mac and cheese, so after I made the burritos, I made the mac and cheese. I had that instead of the burrito. My ankle and back were acting up so that was all the cooking I was going to do. I tried to nap afterwards but I felt so depressed because I was in pain. I honestly don’t know why I am living. I just want to die. I didn’t know what to do. I thought about texting my therapist, but what was he going to do? I emailed my psychiatrist and got no response. I think that was worse than anything.

I got busy with social media. I had posted my burrito work on FB, IG, and Twitter. I probably post at least twice a month what I make. Someone on Twitter, who I don’t follow, replied to my tweet asking if I liked making breakfast. This is the fourth time a café or restaurant responded to my pics on food. I think it is funny as they just want my business, but other than the Indian restaurant, I am not going to go. Other than Starbucks, I don’t eat out. I might order from Grubhub but that is all. I mostly have been eating at home as I just can’t be bothered to go out anymore. I am in too much pain.

After I had dinner, I took a shower. I needed one. My foot cramped up and my back ached but it got done. I had bought compression socks for my foot and ankle and they came in today. I wore them for a few hours. They left a nice mark on my leg as I was drying off. I am going to try wearing them a few hours a day to control the swelling but don’t know if I will be successful.

I am so tired. I hope I sleep tonight during “normal” sleep hours. I think I might lose it if I don’t have sleep for the fourth night in a row. All three nights my pain started at 2200 or after. It’s just about 1900 right now so I have three hours before I know if I will be in pain all night or not. It used to start at 2000. Now the “magic” number seems to be 2200. Probably because I am ready to settle down and turn in at that time.

One of my Twitter buddies just posted an article that was in JAMA about not to prescribe opioids for severe to moderate chronic back pain or hip/knee osteoarthritis pain because it was shown not to prove function. I am sorry but that is just wrong. Most people who take an opiate for pain do regain some function because their pain is less and they can do more. I don’t trust their results. But all over the article was written, “don’t prescribe opioids” so a little bias?? Pisses me off.

I am doing an experiment. I just took my night meds but I am not going to take the Ativan, just yet. I will take it later when I want to go to sleep. Maybe then I can sleep through the night. I just hope I don’t have side effects from the antipsychotic.

painsomnia strikes yet again

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Painsomnia strikes yet again

I was up till 5 am again. I slept for about 3.5 hours, had something to eat, and then went back to sleep. I was knocked out as I didn’t hear my doorbell ring when my mother was looking for me. I had turned my phone off so I wouldn’t be disturbed. There were a few messages on my phone. My mother had left me a cryptic voicemail, with my uncle in the background.

I woke up with my shoulder hurting me. I was using it as a pillow and this time I think I did something because it is still hurting. I think I might have pinched a nerve. Just great. Hope it goes away.

Because I slept all day I didn’t make the muffins I want to make. Here is the recipe https://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/morning-glory-muffins-recipe

I also want to make my burritos. The freezer bags I bought came in today. I hope I sleep “normal” hours so I can wake up midmorning and make these things. I think I am going to make the burritos first as I want bacon in them. I also plan on putting three cheeses in them. They are really easy to make though I am not an expert burrito roller, yet. I tend to overfill the first one and then the last few have enough so they roll okay. I still can’t believe I spent $17 on these bags. There are a set of three 35 count bags. I think each would cost $5.66 each, which I guess is okay. I am not sure what they would be in the supermarket. I tried looking at Peapod and they had the 15 count on sale for $2.89 or something like that so maybe I did get a deal.

Sox are playing an hour early. I’m listening to the game now. Sox have a 1-0 lead right now. My favorite centerfielder, Jackie Bradley Jr. just made a great catch. I love him. He is such a good outfielder!

My foot is starting to hurt a bit. I apparently bought a compression thing that I can use for my foot and ankle. I hope that it fits and works. There was just a regular and large size so I chose regular as a medium usually fits me. I don’t know if with the swelling that is still the case. The ace brace that I have has an opening at the heel that ends up digging into me and causes me so much pain that I have to take it off.

My mother made pork chops for dinner. I didn’t like them but ate them anyway. I really want a couple of boil eggs and toast. I might have them after the game. Maybe that will stop my after midnight eating. I seem to have to want something after 2 am to get to sleep. Usually because it has been more than 8 hours since I last ate.

hope this isn’t another painsomnia night

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Hope this isn’t another Painsomnia night

Red Sox game ended a little after 2200. We won 7-3. I was worried about the first baseman, Ramirez as he missed the bag on a play and caused a runner to be safe. But then he made a few good plays so I worried a little less. Last year he rarely played first base except in interleague games, which this was and when he did, he wasn’t great at it.

Soon after the game ended and I went to settle in for the night, my foot and ankle bone flared like it did last night, at around the same time. I just wrote a message to my psychiatrist saying I was sick of the pain and might need a urologist. I would see my PCP but he hasn’t really gained my trust in his care for me. I feel like he just wants to pawn me off with whatever issue I have but be in the loop so he knows what is going on. I really don’t feel comfortable talking to him about this. I might see a urologist at another hospital. I found one that is female. She isn’t interested in neurourology but does have an interest in bladder dysfunction so I think that is close. If I am not up all night, I will call sometime tomorrow to set up an appointment. Hopefully I won’t need a medical referral to see her.

I am really tired. I took a strong pain pill so I hope it eases my pain soon. I really want to sleep. I took my meds around 1900, but if I have a flare, that doesn’t guarantee I will be asleep by midnight. It makes me so angry when my pain spikes. I really wanted to punch the hell out of my pillow but felt silly doing it. I don’t know why. No one is in my room but I feel like the voices will judge me. They watch me all the time and criticize everything I do.

I am so annoyed with my laptop when it doesn’t do what I want to do. Sometimes I am amazed I have flung it out the window or against the wall. Stupid thing. I still don’t know why I picked a small hard drive and a low RAM. I know the money was an issue and the price seemed right but I figured I could upgrade. HA that turned out to be a joke. I still need to call Dell and have them tell me what are the components of this piece of shit. It doesn’t match the manual at all. I don’t want to buy a hard drive and have it be something else I can’t use. I still need to sell my RAM that I bought. I figure $50 will be better than nothing. It is just a pain to post something on Amazon. But once it is done, it usually sells quickly. Then I am scrambling to the post office to mail it out.

If I am not up all night and I don’t have too much back pain, I hope to make muffins tomorrow. I’ve been wanting to make these for a while but just haven’t had the time to do it. I hope they come out good and big. I hate when muffins come out small. I really don’t know what the trick is to have muffin tops. But then I am not a good baker.