Checking in and asking myself if I am okay?
Yesterday I had a meaningful conversation with my therapist about being “okay”. She doesn’t like how I manage myself because it is very slippery. She also said that I am high risk and that is something to be really worried about when I have bad days. She told me that most times I am hanging by a thread and I say I am okay but I really am not. I told her she should call it out more. She said that will piss me off and even though it will, I will try to hear it with an open mind.
So with this information, she wanted me to set a goal for the week. I couldn’t come up with anything so she suggested that I check in with myself and see if I am ok. I am to write this check in every day. Right now that seems impossible because it takes work to do this. I have many platforms to use to write in and I think I am going to do a little old school and new school. I am going to use the app Dario a try and then write in my therapy journal so that I have easy access to it when I see her again on Monday.
I just asked her how long it needs to be and her response was “as long as it needs to be”. That doesn’t fricken help me! I can write just one sentence and be done with it. I can be concise when I want to be and this is sounding like it is going to be concise for me. I might blog one day about it but it isn’t going to be the entire 500 words that I typically write. I don’t think I can write 500 words on if I am okay or not.
My left hamstring is bothering me again. I hate when it flares up as there is nothing I can do about it. I haven’t been successful in stretching the fucker out. I think I need to ask the PT how to stretch it out because I can’t seem to do it on my own. I just went to the bathroom and my back flared up with a spasm. I tripped over a step going back up the stairs and now my bad foot is acting up. I am in great shape today. OMG today has been bad with the back and spasms. I had to take an Ativan.
I got my urodynamic testing next week and I am really nervous about it. I know it will show a change as I am peeing normally again but I am worried it will still show that I need to take a pill to go because I still have retention. I might be able to get off the bladder muscle relaxer as I don’t cath anymore. I will ask. I just hope that I am not retaining urine after I void. If I do, I might need to cath to get it out. I really don’t want to go back to cathing. It isn’t fun.
2 thoughts on “checking in and asking myself if I am okay”
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I think when she said “as long as it needs to be” she meant just that. You may only need to write one sentence some days. Other days you may need to fill up a journal. Both are okay.