pain is lonely

Pain is lonely

I was scrolling through facebook and came across the meme “Pain is lonely” and it struck a cord with me. It is lonely. You have no one to talk to about it that really get it, unless you talk to someone that has the similar chronic pain that you have. I find that even though I talk to my BFF sometimes she doesn’t understand the kind of pain I got through with my ankle and foot. She understands everything else, how pain can make you cranky and tired and not motivate you to do stuff. It is a tradeoff. I rather have some understanding than none.

I got a call from the partial hospital place and they sent me email to fill out and send back. I had to fill out some form using adobe but it was confusing so I just saved it and sent the form. If it is wrong I am sure they will let me know. I have my first meeting at 9 and then group start at 10. Fun. I told them I have an appointment at 2 that I need to keep. It is my therapy appointment. The schedule is DBT based with some creative groups in between. Looks like a regular hospital group program but without the admission.

I went to pick up my prescription because I thought my neurologist changed the order. She didn’t but just gave me more refills. WTF I told her specifically I am taking more than what is prescribed like we discussed. Fuck. I hate when she doesn’t fucking listen. I hope she has it in her notes. Fuck. I am so pissed off.

My mother’s covid test came back negative but she has a cold. Despite me and my sister telling her to wear a mask, she refuses. She wears it around her neck with her mouth and nose exposed. Helpful. Not. I am staying in my room and using sanitizer when I get back to my room just to disinfect my hands. I do not want to get sick. As far as I know, I am the only one that got the flu vaccine.

My neck muscles have been really hurting me today on my left side. It feels like I pulled a muscle or something. I might have slept wrong again. I am going to tell my neurosurgeon when I see him because the pain isn’t going away and I haven’t found much relief. Heat, rest, meds, and stretching have not helped.

I am so tired. I didn’t sleep well again. I woke up around 0230 to pee and stayed in bed for a half hour before I finally got up to go. The urge was there but it wasn’t strong enough so I wasn’t sure if I had to go or not. I should just go anyway rather than lay there wondering. It took me some time to get back to sleep afterwards. I set the alarm for my appointment that was canceled on me due to covid. I am not going to reschedule the test. This is the third time I have had to set up an appointment since my surgery and I am not going through the anxiety again. So fuck it. I am not making another appointment.

any thoughts?

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