Category: chronic physical pain

How a grumpy day turned awesome!

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

How a grumpy day turned awesome (skip to end if you don’t want the boring parts)

I woke up grumpy. I kept waking up at odd hours, mostly because I was afraid I was going to sleep through my alarm. When the alarm finally went off, I was not wanted to get out of bed but my bladder forced me too. I used the bathroom before I took my meds. There was no waiting. I guess I had been holding it for some time and it wanted to be emptied now. After I went, I brushed my teeth. It was only after I had rinsed my mouth I realized I still had to take my meds. Fuck. That meant water and it was too early for that. It would make me puke. I took them with powerade anyway.

I then got a text message saying the bus I needed to take was 20 minutes behind. I got two of them so fuck leaving in 45 minutes. I had to leave now, going a different way. I got dressed quickly. I went downstairs and gave my mother the check for tomorrow so she could go to the bank. I told her I would be home sometime in the afternoon and she said today in a demanding tone so I said no tomorrow in a sarcastic tone and she yelled at me. Fuck you and I left (I didn’t say that or I wouldn’t be typing right now. I went to the bus stop. I checked the bus app to see when one would be coming and it said a few minutes. I didn’t feel like putting my headphones on. I wanted coffee badly. When I got to the station, where I planned on getting my caffeination, it was closed. Just lovely. I got my pass for the month and went to catch the train. The train came and I had to get one another one to get to my stop. That train was heading back to Boston. Fucking fuck. A switcharoo this early in the morning?? UGH. I got on the train to go one stop. Then this Chinese lady raced for the elevator and I waited for the next one. It was full of people so I waited for them to exit. A guy came on before I did and nearly closed the door on me. WTF. I hoped the bus I had to take to PT would be coming soon and it did.

I had a half hour before my appointment so I went to Dunks and had their coffee. It was decent. I also had a sandwich to try and get me out of the grumpy mood. My hip was hurting me and I forgot my breakthrough meds. This was just great. Around 1030, I walked to the PT office building and waited for my PT after I checked in. She got me and asked how I was and I told her my hip was really bothering it, you aren’t touching it today. And if you tried, I will yell at you. She said okay. I told her I did my exercises yesterday and she was happy. I did about three clamshell before my hip said no more. I told her I think I had the pillow too high. She said try a lower pillow so I will. We did the exercises she gave me to make sure I was doing them right. Then she said she was going to do myofacial release and I got scared. I said I will yell at you if you hurt me. She then showed me what she was going to do on my left arm. I then told her, that huh, that was probably not a good arm and showed her the bruise my doorway gave me. She asked how I got it and I said I was attacked by my doorway! She laughed. She showed me what she was going to do on my good arm and I said okay but be careful. I had stuff to do today and didn’t want to be in more pain by the end of the day than I want to be. As she was doing it, she kept creeping up to the area that hurt and I said watch it. She said ok. She did it for a few minutes and then it was over. I didn’t feel any different. My hip still hurt the same. She then asked about appt and I made two more.

I missed the half past buses and had to wait nearly a half hour to get back to the station. My hip was not happy as I had to stand. I was doing everything, walking around, standing on a wall, shifting my weight, all the while cursing myself for forgetting my pain meds. I was listening to my country music. Finally the bus came but the only seat available was the one facing the buildings where my father used to live. I closed my eyes so memories wouldn’t come flooding back. I had to wait for the train. The time thing was wrong. I waited more than 1 minute for the train, maybe 5-8. I was standing so my hip was thrilled as well. I got on the train and took a grumpy selfie. I was so pissed. I still had to connect to another train line to get to my therapist’s office. I got to the connection and followed the sign to where I thought said Alewife. It turned out to be the other end. I was pissed. I went back upstairs and asked the train employee where to connect to the Alewife side of the red line. She showed me. More stairs. Fun!!! I wanted nothing more than 4 shots espresso at this point. I was very tempted to leave this train and walk to another station but knew that would kill me.

I got to the stop and the Starbucks was closed due to renovations. Just made my day that much greater!!! I went to a coffee shop I used to like and got an iced coffee that tasted like shit. It costed me nearly $5 so I drank it, but only about half of it. I didn’t want to get sick. I wrote in my journal about my day so far and what I hoped to talk to my therapist about. When it got close to appointment time, I used the bathroom and then packed up my stuff to go.

Therapy went okay. We talked about my mother being a bitch the past few days. He asked if I could move out and I said not unless rent suddenly became wicked cheap. He was curious to know where I lived so pulled up my address and Google had my house. Haha so weird. He said I was in the middle of nowhere. I said there were two bus lines I was near and one went to the Square where I connect to see you. He found that explanatory. Then I told him about my sodium levels. He told me about some antipsychotics that could be for mood disorders and I said those aren’t really being used solely for mood stabilizers. I then listed what I knew and the story of Tegretol and Trileptal, how they came to be. I also gave a story about how I told a resident how come they didn’t show in a tox screen, though I don’t remember which was qual and which was quant. I just knew just because you were on Trileptal, you weren’t going to get a level unless you ordered it as a sendout test.

So I decided to go to the place I wanted to order Chinese food rather than have it delivered. I was still grumpy. My mother called and I let it go to voicemail. I didn’t want to talk to her, or to anyone really. Just let me listen to my music and leave me the fuck alone. So the bus finally came. I got to the stop where the food place was and they were closed. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???????? I had to wait for another bus home. The bus driver was an asshole. He didn’t lower the bus so I could get on. I tripped and had to start again. Then after I waved my pass he didn’t wait till I was seated. I wear a fucking AFO brace. But I guess that doesn’t mean anything to anyone!! I am going to report him.

So past two days I have been getting UPS notification that a delivery is coming my way but I don’t recall ordering anything that had a UPS delivery. I was very perplexed. I come home finally, my belly growling, pissed off, with two packages for me. One was SE Hinton’s book that I ordered. The other was from Wiley. Odd. I don’t remember ordering a book from them. I get to my room. Open the package and it is this:

A little background. Someone 2-3 years ago were searching specifically for a citation that John Sommers-Flannagan had written and I wrote about in one of my papers on my blog. I made mention when I found out Dr. John was on Twitter. We have been in touch off and on. He post maybe 2 years ago he was looking for people to edit his coming book on counseling. I responding saying that I don’t have a professional degree but I have plenty of lived experience. He took a chance and I DM’d him my private email. He sent me a chapter and I read it/edit and gave my thoughts on it, etc. Then maybe a year ago he sent an email about acknowledgements. I wrote back to him with just my name as I didn’t have any credentials. (still no clue where the National Institute of Education came from). Today I got the book and it totally made my day!!! I am so fricken happy. I ordered my Chinese food while sending pics every where and to everyone! So that is how I got in the book.

long day of doing nothing

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Long day of doing nothing

My day kind of started around 0130 when loud thunderstorms woke me up. It took me a while to get back to sleep. Around 0330, I checked to see if my check had been deposited and it wasn’t. I checked again an hour later, nothing. I went back to sleep. My med alarm went off and I checked the pollen count to see if I needed an extra allegra. The count was low/medium so I didn’t take it. I just took my pain and BP meds. I had to pee really bad. My mother was in the fricken bathroom. Fuck. I didn’t have time to go down another flight to my sister’s apartment. I waited as long as I could then went the bathroom. I wanted to brush my teeth but my mother was washing up. Also trying to make conversation with me when I didn’t feel like talking. I figure I would brush later.

Went back to my room and checked my bank. The money was deposited. YAY. I ordered my groceries after removing some items as it somehow went up to $175. Yikes! I went on some kind of spree. It was like a ton of soda. No idea why I wanted practically every kind of coke zero Peapod had. Once the cart was down to a reasonable amount, I placed the order. I picked a Wednesday time. One thing knocked off my list. Then I put some cash on my Starbucks account. I then went back to sleep, even though I was hungry. I figure I would sleep for an hour and then order food. I slept for two hours and woke from a weird dream.

I ordered lunch. Then I listened to the radio as I read Harry Potter. I was listening via my phone. A message come through and wiped out the app. I just continued reading. Pain has been up and down all day. It kind of got worse around 1800. It would be three hours before my next dose of ER meds. I took the IR kind so that I wouldn’t be in much pain. I just got up to take my night meds and my ankle went berserk. All day my legs have been really sore. My calves do not want to be stretch out to walk. I really don’t know what to do about it. I did some PT exercises but my hip didn’t like it. It has been sore all weekend. I am not letting the PT touch it tomorrow.

Tomorrow is going to be hard. I see PT in the morning and then have therapy in the afternoon, a two hour window, maybe two and a half. I have no idea when the next bus to the station will come after PT. Therapy is no where near PT. I have to do some traveling. I just hope that I have time to get to a Starbucks for java. I might get a mocha as a treat. I made sure I took my meds on time. Sox are off tonight so I won’t be tempted to be up late. I wanted to order Chinese food but I really don’t feel like waiting for it as it is getting late. I am still full from the sandwich I had around 1330. It was huge and I had yummy onion rings. If I am not too sore Wed, I will make my barber his chili cornbread that he likes. I bought some of the ingredients for it. I also got stuff for lemon pie. I am dying for something lemony. It is really simple. Graham cracker crust, lemon pudding, and topped with cool whip. YUM.

what a fucking day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

What a fucking day

I had painsomnia again last night. Pain was all over the place on my foot and ankle. And so many different types of pain. I was hesitant to take my breakthrough med because I am running low on them until I see my pain doc in two weeks. If the ass had prescribed me more than one per day, I would be okay but I sometimes need a second one during the second half of the day as well. Kind of dumb to prescribe a breakthrough med when you take two extended release pills a day. Wouldn’t it make sense to prescribe 2 a day as well?? So I got to be picky about my pain levels. I know during a flare, any med is useless. It is just a matter of waiting it out. I didn’t fall asleep till around 4 am.

I woke up around 1330. I go downstairs for something to eat. I made a fried egg. I used up what was left of my oatmeal bread. I cleaned up and dropped my fork. I squatted to pick it up and my ankle felt like it was going to fucking snap. Shit that wasn’t good. Now it hurt bad. Then when I went upstairs and as I walked through a door way to the stairs, banged my elbow pretty hard. I got a nice bruise that goes up my arm. That is going to look pretty tomorrow.

I go upstairs and check the usual social media sites. My friend posted that he got a Starbucks drink. It was now 1530 in the afternoon. I usually don’t have coffee after 1500 but I slept late and said fuck it. I got off the bed and as I was walking out, I turned to see if I had put a powerade on my nightstand and nearly lost my balance. WTF. My balance is getting worse and it always seems to happen when I am pivoting or turning my foot or body. I just don’t have a sense anymore or something. It is upsetting me and I don’t know what to do about it. Any one of my meds could be responsible, including the big dose of Neurontin I took last night to try and shut up my pain.

I made my coffee. I made it too sweet. The creamer that has sugar in it I am not liking anymore. I think I am going to go back to just half and half and then put my own sugar in the cup. I put it in a regular coffee cup. I had to drink it kind of fast as it was cooling off. I hate that cups don’t hold warmth. If I had used my stainless steel mug, it would have stayed warm. I just didn’t want 20 oz of coffee. I knew I wouldn’t drink it all.

I told my mother after the balance thing that I was going to stay in my room. I got up there and wanted to put another cold pack on my bruise. I figured I would take a few out so I can use them whenever. I had bought a case of them (I have no idea why, impulse buy while I was in the hospital last year). One of the bags that I tossed on my bed was broken and so pellets were now on my bed. Fucking great day this has been. I got the Dirt Devil out and vacuumed the stuff off my bed and then did some around my bed. I haven’t vacuumed my room in quite some time. My back was not happy with it. The thing was making some kind of rattling noise so I emptied the collection container. The filter was full of dust. I did what I could to take the dust off but it definitely needs to be replaced. I got them off Amazon and will get them tomorrow when I get paid. I wanted to get some Arm & Hammer pods for the washer but you had to have so much money from Amazon buyers and I didn’t. great. I took them off my cart. I think I will try another seller as my mother has one bottle of detergent left and we kind of need the high efficiency kind for the washer, which was what I was trying to buy.

I watched some of the game and listened to it. Sale was awesome and finally got some run support. We won 5-0. I am glad the game was over before the rain hit. It is raining now. Supposed to have thunderstorms tonight but not sure if it will be in my area. Everything is quiet now so who knows.

Should be a warning for changing sheets when you have chronic pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Should be a warning for changing sheets when you have chronic pain

I literally spent the day changing my bed. I started by washing my fleece Red Sox blanket. It is more of a throw but it covers me well and is nice and cozy. While it was in the washer, I had breakfast, made coffee, and then had lunch. My new washer takes like an hour or more for one load. When it was done, finally, I put it in the dryer and went back to my room.

I took off the rest of my office. I rested for a bit before taking the sheets off. After I took the sheets off, my back was hurting so I rested so more. I thought after a few minutes, it would calm down, but it didn’t. My foot started acting up. I took my breakthrough med. I rested for a bit to let the meds work. I had my sheets ready to go as I have two sets. I put on the fitted sheet and my back again went berserk. This was going to take a while. I could feel that this back was just going to continue to act up.

When it settled down some, I put on the sheet, and blanket. Then I put some of my office on my bed and snapped a pic. I posted it and then rested for a bit. My foot flared again. Nothing was going to help the flare. Even now, hours later, I am still hurting. My mother was making dinner. I wanted something sweet so went downstairs for some ice cream. I wanted cake but we didn’t have any. The dryer was still going with my blanket. I put the sheets in the washer. When I finished with the ice cream, I took the blanket and went back to my room.

I put the blanket on and then snapped another pic to post. A few friends commented that I put it on “wrong” and that I had to put it the other way immediately. I was like whatever. I rested some more, or tried to. I was so damn tired. I wanted a damn nap but I didn’t want to sleep. Then my mother called saying she needed help with dinner. Fuck. Seriously? I went downstairs to see what she needed. My back was ready to divorce me. She wanted me to make the mashed potatoes. I said okay. I love making mashed potatoes. Dinner was pretty much done except for this dish. When I was done, I got the plates and utensils. I served my mother the potatoes and handed her the chicken cutlets she made. I got my plate when my mother said to make a plate for my brother in law. Ok. I grabbed another plate and started making a plate for me and my brother in law. Then she wanted me to bring it downstairs. NOPE. Not happening. My mother took her sugar and it was low. I have no idea if she gave herself insulin or not as I wasn’t paying attention. After she ate, her sugar was still low so I got her some juice. She said half a glass and that is what I got her. She said it was too much juice. Just fucking drink it. Fuck!! I started putting things away as she wasn’t feeling well. Then she went into the TV room.

I put the food away and some things in the sink. Then I went upstairs. I needed to rest. I got to my room and changed the damn blanket before I got in bed. Why, I don’t know. I took a pic and sent it to my friends that said it was “wrong”.

My back and ankle is about to sue me for divorce. I HATE changing sheets with a passion. I do it infrequently because it causes me so much damn pain. I will probably be sore tomorrow. The game is playing now but I don’t care. I have the country radio on and I just feel like listening to that. I can’t believe that it is almost the all star break and I am already starting to lose interest. I think it is more to do with my mood disorder than the sport. The team has been doing fairly well, even though they aren’t playing their best. They had an up and down game last night but pulled out a win. It was a good game but I couldn’t stand to turn on the radio and I was so upset. I was just in too much pain. I was just getting updates via Twitter or facebook.

I took my meds so I think I am going to read some Harry Potter and call it a night. I think I earned it. Just hope my pain doesn’t get worse. That will not be good.