Category: mood disorders

24 Aug 18

I have had a not so great day. My alarm went off a couple of time, I am not sure. I finally shut it off but had no intention to get up. Then my med alarm went off and shit, had to get up because I had to catch the 930 bus. No time for breakfast, coffee, or shower now. I quickly got dressed after trying to balance myself as my legs were jelly. I have no idea how I didn’t fall. I was scared of the stairs but I did okay. I used the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I grabbed my headphones and my bag. I went downstairs to put on my braces and then left. I was in such a grumpy mood. I left earlier than I should have but that meant I caught the earlier bus, which also meant I had time to grab a cup of coffee. I didn’t care it was going on my debit card, even though I looked at my bank balance and somehow had to finagle the bagel again because I somehow overspent, again.

I rode the bus with my headphones on and got a couple donuts with my coffee. I wanted to try a new coffee at DD but I didn’t remember the name of it so I had a dark roast. It was the strongest they had. It worked. I wasn’t so grumpy. After I ate the donuts, I left for PT. My PT was a little late but I didn’t care. I didn’t even want to be there. She called me in and told me a PT assistant would be doing a test. I said okay. I was to walk around the place with the assistant holding a measuring thing. I could rest as much as I wanted to. I must have taken like 2 laps around before my CRPS ankle acted up and I had to rest. I had to walk another three minutes. I didn’t like this test. It was flaring my ankle and I didn’t like that one bit. The last 10 seconds I had to stop. I walked over 800 feet in the five minutes and it freaked me out. I asked what this was for and she said it was for my insurance. I am getting sick of my insurance. But whatever. I told her the difficulty of me trying to do that for 8 hours and she agreed it would be impossible for me to work if I had to walk that much because just getting there would tire me out and cause pain. I felt a little reassured but was still nervous as my benefits could be in trouble.

Then we did stuff with my sprained ankle. One exercise kind of cramped the muscle in my foot but she said that was normal because my foot is weak. She and my neuro had a discussion and both want my right leg to become as strong as possible as I need it for support as my left leg is hurt and can’t do much. I agreed as well, but it is going to take some work and I am just overwhelmed. I was almost crying on the way home because the pain in my bad ankle was so bad. I had taken a BT med before I left PT. The burning was so fricken intense. I felt like someone was trying to filet my foot from the ankle to my pinkie toe. The suicidal ankle pain was there. I was just in so much fricken pain.

I got home and I had to rest. I also needed food as I haven’t eaten since the two donuts. I wanted egg with toast but didn’t know how I wanted the egg. My foot pretty much exploded soon as I rested. This was not fucking good. It was only like 1 pm. I stayed an hour on my bed and realized I wasn’t going to make the cake I wanted to bake. Then I looked at my foot and the swelling was unreal. I had to put on the compression sock. I knew that most of the pain was because it was swollen. But with CRPS, you can’t ice it. It makes it worse. I found the sock hiding under my blanket. I was hoping that my foot wasn’t going to be sensitive and I could wear the sock for a couple of hours at least rather than a few minutes. It has been several hours now and the sock is still on. I will probably take it off before I sleep.

I made dinner for my mother and I though I didn’t want to. Then I took the stinky trash out, got the mail and some ice for my mother, then went up the damn fucking stairs. I was done. I am not doing dishes tonight. No fucking way. I am sitting with my AC and fan on listening to music until the game is on, though I am feeling kind of sleepy so might take my meds and then go to bed early. I always think this then I lie down and can’t sleep. Last night was hard as my foot was so sensitive the sheets were bothering it. I took some Neurontin to calm it down but I didn’t get to sleep until 2. Chronic pain just sucks. I finagled the financial bagel and have some money left over for the month. I bought my nephew chihuahua some Star Wars PJs. I have been seeing doggies with PJs on and OMG so fricken cute!! It made me feel better that my friend sent me his picture last night. I wish I could have a pet but my mother won’t allow it. I want a cat or kitten so bad. I am afraid that I wouldn’t be able to pay for the Vet though. It’s hard just paying for my therapist, which I am behind on his bill a little bit. My credit has been used up. I had a credit because I overpaid him a lot the end of last year. Have no idea how that happened. Probably kept paying him the monthly charges not taking into account the days that I didn’t see him. Oh well. I have been good about keeping my appts but when the cold weather comes, that might be a different story.