Tag: back pain

dry needling day

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Dry needling day

I was nervous about the dry needling that I was having today but it worked out good. I am sore and it did hurt but nothing compared to the pain I was in. I feel so much better and can move my arm better than I have been. I got heat on it now and am drinking a lot of water to flush out the toxins from the release. I love my PT. She is so good at what she does. I took a BT med before therapy to deal with the pain. I am glad I did because I am not hurting as much as I think I would be if I didn’t. The heat on it is so relaxing.

I started listening to Linkin Park on the way home from PT. I am still listening as I write. I miss listening to their music. Sucks that no new music will come from them because of Chester’s death. Their last album was so meaningful. I think it speaks to suicide prevention.

Working on check the facts, I should die. Coming up with I don’t want to live. Other people want me to live so I go on for them. I have a very ingrained death wish and I am not sure this can change. I’ve been wanting to die since I was eight years old. Suicide has been on my mind for such a long time. I don’t think I can ever not think of it when things are rough. It’s been more than a year since I last attempted. I have the means to try again but I am scared that I will fail. I fear that what I have is not going to be enough to kill me. So I just imagine going through with it and sleeping into oblivion.

My jaw is hurting me today for some reason. It hurts to open my mouth. I know I am clenching my teeth as my teeth are sore. I really need to see the dentist to get my teeth cleaned. It has been more than a year since I last went. I just don’t know if it is safe to do so now. I know I need to have my wisdom teeth extracted and a root canal on one of my top teeth. I am not looking forward to either procedure.

I bought BelVita breakfast biscuits because I like them a lot. My sister is telling me not to have too much of them because it messes up your digestive tract. My tract is already messed up so if it gives me the shits, all the better. I had to take Miralax today because I haven’t gone in a few days. Besides, if it was going to mess me up, I think it would have done so by now as I have been eating them nearly every day for the past two weeks. I think my sister is just full of it.

I need to shower and trim my beard. I might do this later today. My foot and ankle are not really on speaking terms with me today but I can still get around. Just hope I don’t pay for it later.

shoulder soreness and sneezing

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Shoulder soreness and sneezing

I woke up about an hour ago with my shoulder sore and then I started sneezing which really taxed my muscles. I had to take a Zanaflex to try and ease my shoulder. I have grocery delivery today and I want to try and take some of the stuff up. I had a pretty good night sleeping. I woke up a few times but was able to get back to sleep. I don’t know what my sister was yelling at my nephew about at like 6 this morning but WTF.

I have therapy today and I am sort of looking forward to it. I really want to talk about stuff that is bothering me. I also want to ask her how I can change my reaction to my family. I figure it won’t hurt to ask. I think this would be right up her ally. I am not saying that it is going to be easy to change. It will definitely take time.

I am having my coffee and writing in the kitchen today. I thought a change of scenery might help me write. But the brightness in the kitchen from the snow is making me tired. It is snowing out. I hope this doesn’t impact my grocery delivery. Probably will. I just want them to be safe. It is a light snow right now.

I had PT yesterday virtually. I got a few exercises to do in bed. I didn’t want to go out yesterday because the streets were messy with snow. It was a good session. I had to get rid of my zoom background because it was hard to see me in it. For some reason when you have the background, the area around you gets blacked out. I start the dry needling procedure tomorrow. I am kind of scared but hopeful it will help me. She said that I am a good candidate for it because of the trigger points that I have.

I am feeling really tired for some reason. It could be because of the Zanaflex. I am going to try and clear off my bed today before my groceries get here. I still need to brush my teeth. I was gagging this morning so I wasn’t able to then. I also need to fix my hair as it is so fricken wild. I got my haircut the other day and it looks so cool. I love it when it is buzzed. It doesn’t stay this way long though because my hair grows so fast. I need to trim my beard again. It is also getting wild. I haven’t trimmed it in a few weeks. I flip through trim and shave every day but I still haven’t done anything. I kind of like the beard because I don’t have to do anything. Unlike my hair, it grows slow.

I bought a new neck and shoulder heat pad with wheat and it is the best thing I have ever bought. I love the weight of it on my neck. It is really relaxing and helps my pain.

depressed

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Depressed

Yesterday I was really down and needed to talk. I felt I had to tell my youngest sister I was depressed so I texted her and we spoke for a few minutes before my therapy session. I feel all I did was worry my sister as she didn’t understand where I was coming from. I told her I just couldn’t get the stuff in my room done because it was too difficult for me with this shoulder pain that is bringing me down. I am in more pain lately because of it and it is really making me depressed. I just don’t see a way out other than suicide and no one wants that.

I had an appointment with my therapist yesterday. I asked her if I needed therapy and she didn’t know how to respond to it. I was in a really depressed state while talking to her. I was also in pain with my shoulder. I tried massaging out the pain but I wasn’t successful. I really hope tomorrow’s PT session helps. I talked about being in pain in therapy. I felt like I was falling on deaf ears. Just like when I was talking to my middle sister about it. I sent her some memes (sister). I don’t know how else to get things across to my family how bad things are with me. Then my therapist thinks I got to change and I was taken aback by this. She has been hinting all along that my perception of my family needs to change so that I don’t get so upset by them because they are not going to change.

I know I have talked about finding another therapist but I just can’t right now. My depression is too disabling. I will stick with this therapist because I am tired. I don’t have the energy to look for one. The one I am seeing isn’t bad. I know she wants the best for me and that is why she pushes me and challenges me so much. Maybe I should tell her to lay off so hard. I am seeing her tomorrow afternoon.

I seriously need to lower the Latuda. My muscles are spastic at times and that isn’t helping my shoulder pain. I changed my PT appointment to virtual today. I don’t know if this is going to be helpful or not but it snowed and I don’t want to risk falling because of snow drifts. My sister said it was messy out so I really don’t want to go out. Besides, the temp changes have caused my ankle to flare up so walking wouldn’t be good for me today anyways.

I went out yesterday to get my haircut. It had been two months since I seen my barber. It is always good to see him. We talked shit and it felt good. I love my haircut. I get it cut the same way all the time, bald fade and light on the top, though I am letting it grow. I took a shower and it exhausted me afterwards. My back cramped up because someone turned down the heat in the house so the house was cold. I didn’t want to leave the shower stall because it was nice and warm.

Saturday Blog 23012021

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 23012021

My day sort of started at 0400 when I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep until almost 0600. I slept until my sister woke me up with her thundering up the stairs to do god knows what to her room. When I came downstairs for coffee, the kitchen table was all a mess. Cleaning products covered the table you couldn’t even sit down. I was pissed. I hate when she does this. I moved a box of the stuff to the floor and left it there. I don’t give a fuck.

I was in pain with my ankle after I had my coffee. I had to go to the post office to drop off a package. I really didn’t want to leave the house because it was cold out and I knew I would be waiting outside for a while before being able to drop off the package. Luckily, they had a click and ship bin in the front so I was able to drop it off without waiting in line. My mother gave me an errand to do for Walgreens so I did that. I was in pain by the time I came home and my mother noticed. My back was flared up. I went up to my room but I didn’t rest for too long. My sister texted me to go back downstairs to watch my mother. I hate that she needs to be babysat. I brought a book down and my new neck and shoulder heat wrap. My shoulders were starting to hurt and they just got worst by the time my sister came home a few hours later. I still am in agony. My left shoulder hurts so damn much. I put some diclofenac gel on it and that seemed to calm some of the soreness down. I am really miserable with this pain. I can’t wait to see the PT on Wed so I can get treated for this. I think I am going to do the dry needling as that is my best option. It is going to hurt like a mofo but it needs to be done. I will take some pain meds for after the session and a bottle of water.

I wanted to clear off my bed today but that didn’t happen. I will have to try tomorrow. I really want to change my sheets and put the new foam topper on. Temps are going to be freezing tonight with the wind chill bringing the temps close to zero or below. The wind today was awful. It really made things colder than what they were. I know I am going to be cold tonight because I still have the AC in my window and the wind comes in pretty good through the vent. I don’t mind. I rather be cold than hot anyways.