Tag: complex regional pain syndrome

Night of horrible, excruciating, pain #CRPS

by Midnight Demon, posted in bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, disability, medical, mood disorders, painsomnia

These are my posts I have made on social media tonight describing the infuriating pain of complex regional pain syndrome or CRPS (formerly known as RSD). One of the paragraphs is to my wonderful, understanding psychiatrist which explains the vein popping of a flare. I don’t get the normal discoloration of CRPS. I get the swelling and pain and allodynia. This is my 2nd night of not sleeping. I’ve maxed out on meds except one, ativan which I shall take shortly. Hopefully it relaxes me enough that I can lay down and sleep. I really hate nights like this but a storm is coming so will be hurting all weekend. Barometric pressure has been so up and down, I can’t keep track of it anymore. It is painful when it like this. Not only do I flare but my joints stiffen and spine aches from arthritis. No one understands the battle so I try and be as descriptive as possible so some understanding can be understood.

Was just sitting in my bed leaning back on my headboard as ankle bone pain course through every bone in my ankle. Then all of a sudden went down through all my foot bones and I started laughing. This has never happened before. One or the other but never both and I am so deliriously tired I don’t care and so I am laughing because of the pain. I’ve used more pain med this month so I got to ration what I have left. Hahahaha oh lordy. Gonna be a fun night and a storm is coming. Wonder what levels of pain that will bring??

Fucking pain. Right where it feels like a knife gutting me up my foot, veins are popping up in a group. Foot still being crushed by unknown entity. Bones hurting severely. & it is midnight. 1200 mg gaba taken. Another hour maybe a BT med. After that, who knows…

haha CRPS is driving me crazy tonight. Every bone hurt in ankle and foot. Then I have a stabbing, gutting feeling where my veins are all grouped together popping like crazy. All blue from being together. Fun fucking syndrome nothing is working. Just taking the rest of the bottle of gaba and call it a night.

Losing the battle with pain. Feel like I want to pass out and pain laughs, and goes up more or hits another area of foot or ankle or both. Nuts. Suicidal ankle pain has started. Fuck. No sleep tonight after no sleep last night. Fuck.
Pain is off its kilter tonight. 2nd night in a row. Nothing is working. Haven’t taken 2nd dose of ativan yet only because I’ve taken high doses of gabapentin. Foot is being crushed. Malleolus is being hammered. And the suicidal ankle pain has started. Veins have converged so I now have a blue tint to my skin because they are popping up. You can see every vein in my foot as to how flared it is. Haha next time i need blood drawn they can use my foot. Haha ouch.

Just a ramble about chronic pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in cauda equina syndrome, CES, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mental illness, mood disorders, physical pain

Never thought I would ever be on so many meds for one illness. If it was for my mental illness that would be one thing. But for chronic pain there are like 4 or 5 plus patches and gels and ointments. I’m tired of taking them when flares hit. And there is nothing I can do but let the pain be a 20/10 and hope morning comes so the hell will be over. A family member once said you are on pain medicine, why are you still in pain? Because it is not the pain it was meant to be dealt with. Nerve pain is different than physical pain. Then you have the pain go away and another pops up in another place on your fucking foot or ankle. Chronic pain sucks and need different things to keep it in check and then there is nothing to keep it in check. It just is. That is what CRPS is. Complex regional pain syndrome. So I am off taking another pill that might work. And if it doesn’t or changes to something else, go through the list. So exhausting. This is why I constantly think of death. I have no strength left

New brace and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

New brace and other things

I didn’t have a horrible night sleeping but I had the hardest time getting up. I am glad my psych appointment tomorrow is in the late afternoon so I can stay in bed till noon or so. I still have to check the schedule to see what time to leave. I think I will take the 1 pm one as I want to write for a while. It was really cold today. My bones didn’t like it one bit.

I got a lace up brace that is similar to the one I was going to buy at Walgreens except that it is white instead of black. The stabilizer things come out too, which is nice. The guy put it too tight so by the time I came home, I had to take it off and there was a red mark on my foot. Hope it is gone tomorrow and is not too sore as I got to wear the thing. It does it job but my heel still hurts. I hope PT will help relieve that pain. Lacing up the brace in PT is going to be fun. I have a hard time lacing up my sneakers!

Getting home was a bitch and a half. There was a bus at 147 but there was no way I was going to be able to make it. The next one wasn’t until 313. I checked the next bus at the other location and it was at 247. I wasn’t going to stay at the station for a fricken an hour! I took another bus closer to my home and caught a different bus route home. I reached home before 247 after traveling through town. Such a fricken bitch having this new schedule. I hope it changes to every hour next time because it gives me more options. I was so mad.

I was so bloody cold when I came home. My room was cold. Then my feet became a block of ice so I put thermal socks on. I changed to a heavier shirt. I was just wearing a long sleeve T-shirt. The jacket I was wearing needs a lightweight shirt or I would have roasted. I wanted a nap but pain prevented that. I got hungry and made a French bread pizza. I didn’t like it. Seems the quality of it went down. No wonder the price did, too.

I plan on reading my Harry Potter book until my meds kick in and I go to sleep. My facial hair is weird. Instead of it being on my face, it is under my chin. I don’t get it.

My mother has every TV on full blast. I have the whisperer machine on to drown out the noise. I just can’t handle noise today for some reason. I don’t know if it is because I am tired or because I am in pain. I am not in horrible pain but it is just at the level to be annoying. My foot feels like it is being split in half again.

I found an old pen that I bought at least 15 years ago or more. It needed a refill as the cartridge that was in it was all dried up. The refills just came in. I think they came from Germany as it is a German pen. It is a ceramic rollerball pen. It is kind of heavy on the ink but it writes okay. I have it on my bed to use it for a bit. I am sure it will go to a hole in my room again to collect dust.

Sad, angry, and well other things too

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Sad, angry, and well other things too

This week is a killer of a week. With the exception of yesterday, I have no days off. Monday I saw my PCP and other than sending me back to PT, he didn’t have any answers as to why I have a golf ball right on my arch near my heel. One of my friends called it a baseball when it was really flared up. I sent the picture to my PCP, which yielded a I don’t know see someone else. We talked about cortisone shots but I don’t want it. I believe it weakens tissue rather than help it. I asked about taking ibuprofen and this is when I knew he was an idiot because he said steroids aren’t usually helpful. UM, last I checked, ibuprofen is classed as a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug. And he went to med school. Moron.

I had a hard time sleeping Monday night so I slept all day yesterday. I was going to bake cookies but slept too late as I woke up around 5 pm. I wanted to go back to sleep before the sleepiness wore off but pain prevented that. My feet were giving me trouble. I couldn’t put one foot on top of the other. The bottom of my foot was inflamed. So I put some diclofenac gel on it. It took a few points off the pain enough for me to go to sleep. I was going to put some on before I left the house but fuck. People kept calling me and shit and the next thing I knew I had to leave the house. I luckily had my coffee in my mug. It was bloody freezing. I had to wear my gloves after I finished my coffee. The wind chill was terrible. I thought I was dressed warm enough but I wasn’t. The wind was going through me. I was frozen by the time I got to the train station. I didn’t go to Starbucks because I already had my coffee. I just sat on one of the benches while waiting for the train. I wrote in my journal as I had some time to kill.

I told my therapist about how my mood has been up and down and he said that I am angry. Fuck. Really, Freud? He didn’t understand why I said that. I explained Freud theory to a therapist. How bloody wonder. If I could have thought of another therapist, I would have thrown in their names for good measure but none came to mind. I was getting annoyed and wanted the damn session to end. My feet were hurting me and I just wanted to get home. It was colder than it was on the way home. Friday is supposed to snow so I plan on wearing my warmer jacket. I have to remember to wear a lightweight shirt otherwise I will sweat to death. I see my psychiatrist, who changed the appointment time to 4 pm. I don’t know when it is going to start snowing but that isn’t a good time to be out as it is rush hour, which means no seats on the trains and buses. Even with my cane, people won’t give up their seat unless you ask them. So rude. I will give up my seat to someone who is in need even if it will hurt me later on. These young people just don’t care. I remember a time when two young ladies nearly pushed me out of the way when the train doors opened so they could get a seat. Like WTF, seriously?? I had my cane with me. I am not one for confrontation but it is just fucking rude.

Saturday I know I am going to be sleeping all day. I honestly have no idea when I am going to make these damn cookies. My therapist says there is no time limit on baking so I if I want to bake them at 6 pm, I can do it. I didn’t tell him I hate clean up and usually I hurt too much after I bake to clean up. And my mother will have a coronary if I leave them for her to wash. God forbid there should be anything in the sink when she goes to bed. I am hurting so much right now. I took another breakthrough med. I hope that is the only one I need. I have used so many this month. I am trying to hold off but with the way my appointments are this week, I don’t think I can do that. It really sucks that my pain is worse at night than during the day. I hate it.