Tag: complex regional pain syndrome

tiring but good therapy session

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Tiring but good therapy session

I woke up around 0630 in pain. It felt like someone was squeezing the shit out of my foot, for which purpose, I have no clue. It just hurt really bad. I took my meds and then went back to sleep, hoping I didn’t wake up past 1300. I woke up a few minutes before noon. My jaw was hurting me so I took some ibuprofen. I washed up and told my mother I would be home late as I had therapy. I just said I had an appt. She asked where and that was it.

I left for Starbucks and then I quickly wanted to go back to bed. I just ran out of gas walking to the bus stop. I put on music to try and stay awake. The bus came and I placed my order for Starbucks. They didn’t have my donuts so I ordered a sandwich. I wasn’t sure how my jaw was going to handle it but I did ok, being careful not to chew on that side. I was getting sleepier as time past and I regretted not cancelling my therapy appt. I had emailed my therapist before going to bed last night asking him about his expertise in PTSD matters. I got a response while at Starbucks that “we’ll talk about it during our session”. Fucking give me a damn answer asshole.

I wrote in my journal for a bit and then a friend texted me. We talked until it was time for me to leave to see dipshit. She sometimes annoys me because she doesn’t follow the texts or maybe dissociates and forgets what I said. I don’t know. I just hate when she asks a question to something I already answered. I got to my therapist office and told her I would talk to her later.

So I went in to see my therapist and we discussed the email. The whole session was about my cauda equina syndrome, surgeries, how I was treated, how my ankle was treated (or rather not treated), and the panic attack that lead to the ER visit last week. He wanted me to distract when I am panicky and not think about catastrophizing things in the back of my head. He understands that this is easier said than done. But the jerk didn’t answer the question as to his expertise to PTSD. He just said we just need to talk about it. I was annoyed but I liked his feedback about trying stuff. The hard part is, I already distract and try to calm myself but it doesn’t work 100% of the time.

I left the session feeling like he understood me but is still not willing to help me, now that I have had time to think about it. It’s frustrating the hell out of me. The place that I want to be seen at sent me an email but because it got filtered to my junk, I didn’t get it until now. Great. Another day of email tag. My therapist was very keen on noticing that I like to be in control of my health care and finding the care that I need. I so wanted to say, including with you but kept my mouth shut. My jaw was really hurting when I left from talking almost the entire session. I didn’t have any water with me so I couldn’t take my pain meds. I think I need to go back to the dentist to see if this pain is normal or something else is going on.

As I was walking to the train station, a million things were running through my mind. I wanted to write all of it down but I really wanted to go home and chill. The train was late so took a while to get to the Square. My brother in law called me saying he made a pasta dish. I said I would have some when I got home. He didn’t say it was with chickpeas. They don’t agree with me so I had an Ensure. I wanted the other nutritional drink but it went bad. I need to throw the three cases away. Such a waste. They were on my porch and when we had scorching heat, they must have turned bad. I’m not that hungry anyway because I am in so much pain.

My thoughts about the session are still lingering so I might write more about it later. I am really tired so I am going to take my meds and hopefully have a good sleep. I just hope my ankle doesn’t flip out later. It has been good the past few hours. The weather is cooler than it has been so I think that may be why.

Sunday Blog 6 August 2017

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Blog 6 August 2017

I thought I would wake up early as my med alarm was to go off around 7. I don’t remember shutting the alarm off or taking my meds so I must have been really in a deep sleep. I checked my spreadsheet to see if I did log in my pain meds and there wasn’t an entry for today. I went almost all day without pain meds. I wasn’t in pain so I guess that was good.

I woke up around 1330 and had breakfast. I brushed my teeth before hand and then ate. My gums are still sore from the dental work. I made coffee but by the time it was done, I was getting sleepy again. I must have had a few sips, went to my room, had a few more sips and then took a nap. It was Pike not my expensive coffee so I didn’t care that it got wasted. My mother called me to make sure I would be making supper. I woke up a few hours later due to my bladder. It was 1600 and I wasn’t in pain so I just made supper.

I made ribs and they were good. Unfortunately, one tried to escape and got on my shirt as I saved it. So after supper, I took a shower. I needed one anyways as the last time I took one was Wednesday. After the shower I filled my med box for the week. I hope my doc calls in my hormone pills because I just used the last week. I’ll have to keep an eye on it because I don’t want to miss a dose next week. My ankle started to hurt when I was done so I took some pain meds.

I missed the ball game, though they won. That makes it 6 in a row. I am so happy for my guys. We are still narrowly in first with the Skankees in 2nd place. We play the Evil Empire the end of the week. Those games will really count toward the standings as we are so close.

I got to call the dentist tomorrow because my gum line is still so sore whenever I eat anything. I have been taking ibuprofen, which as helped but the soreness is still there. I just don’t want it to become infected or anything. That would suck really bad.

I got a comment on one of my popular blogs, Knackered, today. The woman has a daughter with Cauda Equina Syndrome. I then checked my stats and there are 23 views from that blog alone for today. The UK is really reading my blogs with 21 views, so far. I am a stats geek, though I do not like the new format of WordPress Stats. But, can’t do anything about it. As long as I can get my daily tally, I am good. I just miss being about to click on a blog and see the total stats for it. I haven’t quite figured it out with the new format. I also miss seeing my total views. I need to change screens and it’s a pain. I used to take screen shots of it and post it on FB but it’s hard to do now. But now that I can screen shot on my phone, I think I can post it.

I’m getting really excited because this coming Saturday I will be going on a booze cruise around Boston Harbor to benefit Autism. I will be going with my youngest sister, who is also a mutual friend of the person running the cruise. It should be fun. I haven’t been around Boston Harbor in years so I am really looking forward to it. I love my city! I really can’t imagine living anywhere else, least not permanently. I have always wanted to go away to grad school somewhere because the tuition is cheaper. Now it doesn’t look like it will happen because I can’t afford to finish my bachelor’s degree. It still hurts. Just hope to win the lottery one day…

Can’t pass out due to pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, disability, grief, mood disorders, physical pain, suicidality

I’ve been fighting sleep for the past two hours. Every time I think it is safe to lie down, my ankle or foot acts up after about 10 to 15 mins. I took this and that but I’m still awake. In a few mins I’m going to take more pain meds as I’m due. Man, I wish my doc would put me on extended release pain meds so I don’t have to take them around the clock.

My sister ordered food and invited me to have some. I couldn’t say no to pizza and fries, even though I had something to eat about an hour before. Now my stomach is hurting because I ate too much. Oh well. I really should be watching what I eat but I hate doing it so I don’t. My weight is a yo-yo anyways. I lose and gain the same 5-10 pounds. I have been drinking more water instead of soda. Small changes which I hope will help in the long run.

I’ve been thinking about therapy. Maybe in my next session I’ll see what he really knows about the different modalities. I’m tired of talking about myself. I just feel like I ramble and don’t get any feedback so why bother. Or he’ll throw out some analysis but it will stop there without a way to help me. How am I supposed to get better if he doesn’t help me along the way? It’s just getting frustrating. 

I really would like to sleep. With all the meds I take, I should be knocked out with a few hours. Pain is a bitch. It is really draining me the hell out of me. I should look into getting an adjustable bed. Maybe then I can sleep while sitting up without it hurting my back. My mother bought one but she doesn’t like it. 

I have been thinking bad thoughts about how to get rid of my ankle. I just don’t want it anymore. It is too painful. And the pain travels down my foot into my toes, all on the outer part of it. Only exception is when my big toe acts up for whatever reason. 

The whole thing is making me very depressed and suicidal at times. I don’t want to be disabled. I want my crummy job back or maybe go back to school to finish my degree. But I can’t last more than a few hours out of the house and I can’t walk very far without severe pain. Depressing.

Saturday Blog 88

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 88

I surprisingly slept through the night, waking up around 0700. I was in pain, of course. I finally went back to sleep around 8 after I took my pain meds. I woke up three hours later with my foot still throbbing away, though at a lower intensity. I made coffee and had the scone that I didn’t eat yesterday. It was good. I wanted to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich but I couldn’t find the effort. My mouth is still hurting. I suspect it is going to bother me for at least a week. I have been trying not to eat on that side but it’s hard.

I woke up from a weird dream. It had Chester Bennington in it and I thought the person was going to sing one of Linkin Park’s new songs, One More Light. Instead my brain played Hoobastank’s The Reason. So that song has been in my head all morning.

I read Tom Sawyer while I had my coffee. I read three chapters, maybe four and then decided to go to Walgreens to pick up my prescription before I got lazy again. I bought some turkey bacon and wanted to make a sandwich but my foot went berserk when I came home. I will try and make it for dinner. I hope by then my foot calms down.

It’s really muggy outside and the house is worse. It rained this morning and didn’t cool off at all. I hate humidity. I wanted to make ribs but it’s too hot for the oven to be turned on. Tomorrow is supposed to be cooler so I’m going to try and make them then. The funny thing is, it was cheaper to buy these ribs in the store than online. I saved about a dollar in store versus online. Oh well. I am still making a list of what I need. I got the basics down.

I know it’s Saturday. It feels like this week went by in a blur. I know I slept through most of it because of not sleeping and pain. Next week should be fun. I am going on a Booze Cruise around Boston Harbor. I will have one drink or two and then just enjoy the ride. I am looking forward to it. The proceeds benefit Autism. I will be going with my sister as I didn’t want to go alone.

I’m getting hungry as I didn’t have lunch. I think I will have some cheese with wheat thins.