Tag: back pain

day one home from surgery

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Day one at home

Today has been rough. I did too much and caused myself to get a headache that I still have that the neurosurgeon is worried about. I have to go back on steroids for a week to see if that helps calm things down. I am trying to sleep but it isn’t coming. I have too much on my mind.

My numbers for my blog stats have been terrible. All day I have just had three views so I am hoping this post will draw some readers out. I know I have been sporadic in my writing but I am recovering from surgery right now. Meds are making comprehension difficult and concentration has been worse. Because of the steroids, I have some appetite. Unfortunately, meals have been difficult to sit through as it hurts my head to be upright. I rather be laying down.

I had an appointment with my therapist today but we didn’t get much accomplished as the connection was terrible. I was kind of out of it so that didn’t help matters. She put me down for another time next week so I think I should be better by then, or at least less druggy. Today was a real test as I had a lot of phone calls. I got accepted for the Ride, a disability transportation service but I can’t seem to navigate it on my phone or laptop so will have to call tomorrow to set something up.

I want to try and shower tomorrow. I don’t have a health care worker coming in yet and for some reason I am on MRSA precautions. I don’t know when that happened. But the nurse was worried about it and sent off a special stethoscope for the clinicians to use. Nothing fancy about it just deemed “MRSA”. I have no use for it as I use my blood pressure cuff for my readings and my own thermometer. I have no fever so that is good. I think I would be feeling sicker if I was. I have been feeling hot and cold all day, running the fan, shutting it off, turning it back on. I also have been taking my long shirt sleeve shirt off and on all day. I don’t know why I seem to run hot then cold then back hot again. Hope I am not getting sick. I worry with those that are outside the home may bring it in, like my nieces and nephew and sisters. I am at a high risk because I am just off of surgery and am on steroids. I have been trying to keep fluids up but it has been a challenge. I don’t like standing right now as it hurts. I have been able to void on my own though. Last night I had to put myself on a timer so I would go. It worked but disrupted my sleep and then the bowels did their thing on me. Luckily, I didn’t lose control or I would have been crushed. I did have to change my underwear though. I didn’t want to track the stuff to my wound. I don’t have a bandage on so I am careful about what I touch around the scar.

The one question that I am shocked I keep getting asked about is suicide and suicidal thinking. The nurse today very concerning asked about it and wanted me to let her know if I have those thoughts. I am not having them because I got other stuff on my mind. I am depressed because I feel like I should be somehow a long better than what I am but I am only a week post op. I am having a hard time keeping track of pain medication management because I was used to a nurse bringing me the meds. Now I got to sort it all out. I spoke to my pcp about it and he is okay with the increase in the interim while I am recovering. I’ll get a refill next week when I am due for one. I am glad I can talk to him about my pain med needs. Some docs don’t want to hear it after surgery. I had a hard time finding a doc to listen when I had back pain like this. In the end, my pcp put me on pain meds and there it stayed. My pain meds have always been managed by my pcp and I am glad because they get to see what you are like more so than a specialist.

Post Op

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, depression

Hey all,

I had surgery Thursday. It went well and I did have a tethered cord and a messed up disc. They repaired that. Aside from horrendous post op pain I am healing as well as can be. I am getting frustrated with how slowly things are going but to be expected. I can’t rush my recovery. So far bladder is functioning the same as it was. I am not drinking a lot so having little outputs. Sometimes the urge is strong enough for me to pee on my own. Other times I got to cath or I just don’t have any urge and have to cath after 4-5 hours. Urologist said I might have to go every half hour in the beginning. Luckily it hasn’t worked out that way yet. Most I am going is every three to four hours, which is what uro wants.

I will be in the hospital until at least Tues, barring any complications. PT has been wearing me out severely so they don’t want me going home until my stamina is a little better. I am progressing every day. I’m just not where they want me to be right now. A lot of movement tends to wear me out so fast. Just getting up to pee is tiring. And there is not a lot of steps from my bed to the bathroom. I still need to call someone when I have to go just in case I fall.

I have hit a bit of more depression because of my frustration of not being able to move the way I used to. Back pain is bad but is getting slowly better. I haven’t had this much pain in so long. I am glad they increased my BT to the same dose I am taking extended release med. I hope my pcp can keep this change while I recover as it really helps. I just don’t like the constipation all these meds are causing. I can’t wait to go home and take Miralax twice a day as I know it might cause colon blow but it is so needed right now. I am so bloated from not going.

Sleep has been elusive but I hopefully will be getting my meds earlier than I did last night. Last night I got them really late so had a difficult time getting to sleep. Plus RN wanted me to take a med at 2 am so I didn’t want to sleep then be woken up. I ended up sleeping until 330 when I woke up to pee. Bladder is good for that. Seems that time is my regular time. I hate it. But I end up cathing to make sure I am empty so I can sleep.

My roommate went home. He was a dude from Maine with similar issues as me with the back. We exchanged numbers and said we’d call. Don’t know if it will happen. He seems to be a good man. Tends to talk a lot in circles but he is an older gentleman.

I hope I don’t have a problem sleeping. I am so tired I feel like I can sleep through the night. Hope I do.

up at 4 am and got a few goals

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Up at 4 am and got a few goals

I woke up around 4 because my bladder was giving me urges. I tried to go on my own and failed so had to cath. I couldn’t go back to sleep right away as I am anxious about my deposit coming through. I am supposed to get paid today. I hate when the deposit takes forever to go through. It usually is in by 330 am but sometimes it takes a couple more hours to pass. One day the bank was having trouble so I didn’t get my deposit till late afternoon/early evening. But soon as it goes through, I will pay my grocery tab even though I don’t really have the funds for it. I might have to forgo putting funds in my Starbucks acct. That really sucks but it is the only way I can afford things right now. Besides the money that I am putting toward my cards will be enough to add funds once the money gets processed. So hopefully it will all work out. Crossing my fingers it does. I cannot wait till my deductible of $250 is met so I don’t have to pay for my meds the rest of the year. It should be met by the end of the week as I have more meds to get. My monthly refills. I am glad they are all together now not spread out over the month.

I have three goals I like to do today. One is to get to the pharmacy for my meds. Second is emptying my recycle bag. Third is taking my trash out. If I can do at least two of the three I will be happy. I changed my sheets yesterday afternoon and it caused such a flare. My back was killing me by the end of the night. It felt like someone was trying to sever my spine in the middle of my back. The pain was awful. I don’t know what it will be like after surgery. I might not be able to sit for long periods like I am accustomed to. That will suck when I have to go to PT and will need to sit for at least 30 mins on the bus ride to the office. I am looking into getting a public assistance ride service for disabled people. It will pick you up and drop you off. I am hoping to have just a pick up at the hospital and then a ride home afterwards but I am not sure if I can do that. I will find out the week of my surgery. Just lovely that I will have that worry prior to my surgery. I still don’t know if I am disabled enough to get it.

So if I feel up to it later on today, I will post my progress on my goals and see how far I went. I hope to do all three but going up and down two flights of stairs three times is going to be tough. My ankle is already tingling and I all I did was use the bathroom. I also got to brush my teeth today. I have been really bad at brushing and I am to see the dentist the end of this week! Oh boy!

in a restless state of mind

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

In a restless state of mind

I had my appointment with the therapist Tues. We discussed the abuse. She asked if I talked to anyone about it. I said no. I kind of did when I was a teen but that lead to bad consequences and I never spoke of it again. Then she asked about my suicidality. She said that she had to keep me safe and I felt like we were going along the path of the “no harm” safety contracts that I swear was not going to work with me at all. But, again, she didn’t get more specific about safety. Just decided to work on a DBT skill, which I don’t even remember what it is. I am supposed to be working on it but fuck, I am in no mood to. I told her I would write the responses in a notebook but I’ve tried to find ANY of the million and one comp notebooks I have and have failed. No idea where they all went. I recently bought two. One I know is in my everyday backpack. Where the other one went, no fucking clue. My room ate it. I know when I am looking for something, one of them will make an appearance.

When I came home from therapy, I got into a fucking flare. My foot went fucking ballistic and stayed that way for almost 36 hours. I woke up at 430 am yesterday and just said fuck it. I was thinking on acting. And yet I was hindered by my psych saying I should call her when I was thinking on acting on my urges. Well, it was 0430 in the morning so I wasn’t going to call her then. I sent her an email and tried to go back to sleep. My mother can always be counted on to disrupt my sleep as she called around 11 or so to see if the goddamn windows were closed as it looked like rain. Thunderstorms were supposed to happen through today. Around 2 I still hadn’t heard from my psych so asked her if calling her later was okay and she responded giving me a time. She called before I could call her at that time and we talked. She asked why my pain is always the cause of my suicidality. I told her it is just too much. I had foot swelling Tuesday night that continued until this morning and it was so fucking painful. I had three different types of pain going on that were so damn high it wasn’t even on a scale. So I just decided it was time to end it. She said no or she would send an ambulance for me. Shit. We are to talk again on Sat. I really don’t want to fucking talk anymore. I just want this fucking suffering to end. My plan is still on. She said she has the pipeline dream of me being better. I told her at least one of us has hope and she said she will hold on to that for both of us.

I got a response from my wonderful PT about what to do about the back situation. She said there are specific exercises to help stabilize the spine and can be done in like 7 sessions. I am not sure if I want to go back to PT as I just ended. I told her I had other fish to fry and when it is done, I will be in touch. I read the report as it came in last night. I have a new herniation at the beginning of my spine at T12-L1. It is minor. The worst one is at L3-L4, which is in the middle of where I had surgery. That is the disc that has gotten worse and is near my L3 nerve root which could be why my bladder is being so dysfunctional. I feel like I am a ticking time bomb. This level is unstable. If the disc goes or if I see a surgical consult, I most likely will need a fusion. I am not going to have a fusion because everyone that I know that has had one has had more pain. From what I read, fusions were only to be for the neck, not the lumbar part of the spine. I am wicked bad at remembering where I read stuff, so not sure if it was a journal or what. Don’t even remember the year but that is what sticks out in my mind. I could be wrong. But it would make sense as to why so many people with fusions have had them fail on them. Not saying everyone with a fusion hasn’t been helped. I just haven’t found those people.