Saturday Blog 09102021

Saturday Blog 09102021

I can’t believe another Saturday is upon us. The weeks just seem to be flying by. It’s already October. I didn’t write yesterday because I was tired. Two nights of no sleep because of pain and I slept all day yesterday. I tried to keep my arm as still as possible. It still hurts but not as bad. I need to take a shower today. And shave. I don’t remember the last time I shaved but it has been a while.

Thursday I deactivated my Facebook account. I feel good about it. Now I am just on Twitter. I have a greater following on Twitter than I did on FB. I still have Instagram but I think I am going to take that down as well.

The cooler weather looks like it is here to stay for a while. My dry skin has returned on my legs. They are so itchy. Hopefully a shower will help. I almost turned the AC on last night as I got really hot but I got comfortable after I took off the fleece throw I have on the bed. Not sure what I want to do today. I am thinking of going to Urgent care to get my shoulder looked at but I don’t feel like taking the T today. I should get my arm checked as the pain is going down into my hand.

My niece had invited me over to her new apartment for dinner but I was in too much pain to go. I felt bad as I really wanted to see her. I am sure I will have other chances to go to her apartment. I had a bowl of cereal this morning then I had coffee. I needed coffee today.

I can’t believe how much my shoulder and arm still hurt three days later. I still don’t have good range of motion. I think I am going to have to go back to PT for it. Just sucks. My right knee is sore but it is getting better. I bruised both knees when I fell but landed more on my right than my left. I scraped my knee pretty good. I just hope when I shower, the water doesn’t sting.

just about eight weeks post op hysterectomy

Just about eight weeks post op hysterectomy

I am just about eight weeks post op (tomorrow will officially mark the eighth week) and today was the first full active day I have had. I woke up and got up before eight this morning. I made myself an egg and had a cup of tea as I wanted tea. My friend sent it from England as a recovery gift. It was good tea. A little later I had a cup of coffee with the last of my creamer. My groceries arrived in the afternoon so I was going up and down stairs a lot. Then I went to the bank to deposit money so I wasn’t in the red anymore. I had to borrow money from my mother. I just hope I can pay her back when I get paid.

I came home and I was out of breath. It took me several minutes to catch it and relax. I was sweating the whole time I was bringing the groceries up the stairs and I was sweating again when I came home. I had stopped at the pharmacy before coming home to pick up my meds and that little fucking hill I have to walk up plus going up two flights of stairs with two bags of Gatorade bottles was too much for me. I had my appointment with my psychiatrist and luckily I was normally breathing by the time he logged on.

I told him I was depressed and he could see that I was. He offered some trans support website which I sent out to. There was another one which I tried to email but for some reason I was unable to copy the email address from Zoom. I had to write it down. I am not sure I am going to email this person because they are far from me and I don’t have a car to get there should they meet in person. Plus insurance is a factor as well. I rather go to a free group than have it be a therapeutic one which I have to pay for. I told him about the increase in Pristiq and he said that by the time we see each other next (in Nov), he hopes the med will provide me some relief of the depression. I told him about my B&B issues making me a hermit in the house. I just don’t feel comfortable using public restrooms to cath. I still have to go to the lab to give a urine sample to make sure I don’t have an infection. I have been having some bladder pain lately and even though my urine is clear, I want to make sure it really is.

I called uro today to schedule the appointment for the testing but the doc didn’t “order” the test that they could see so I have to wait for the medical assistant to call me. I was hoping to hear back from her this afternoon but nope, no calls. Tomorrow I have an early dentist appointment and plan to go to the hosp afterwards to drop off the urine sample. I just hope I wake up like I did today or the appointment might be missed. I have to leave a half hour before the appointment because I will be going uphill and I know I will be short of breath. I want to be sure I am breathing close to normal when I go to the office.

I am making a chicken pot pie for dinner. Tomorrow I might make a small marinara sauce so I can have spaghetti and meatballs. I hid my spaghetti so no one will eat it. Every time I want a particular pasta it seems to be gone as my nephew eats pasta all the time.

I had Starbucks while out so I am caffeinated for tonight’s ballgame. The stomach tightening has already begun with the stupid stat predictions and shit. If we can get to the starting pitcher early, we might have a chance to win. But our pitcher has to be nasty Nate or we will be in trouble. It is a win or go home kind of game so if we lose, we are done. Baseball season is over for me, at least with the Sox. It will continue with the winner of the game.

I think I did too much with the bags I had to carry. 45 bottles of Gatorade and 10 gallons of water I had to bring up the stairs. I am not supposed to be lifting anything over 10lbs at least for another four weeks. I am considered healed though as I am at the eight week mark. I wish my bladder was in better condition than what it is. I really hope the urodynamic testing gives me some answers that are favorable. Even if it shows that I don’t have to cath every time, I still have to cath for residual as I am not emptying my bladder when I void. I don’t know how going to a trans support group would be helpful with my medical issues but maybe having just someone that understands the dysphoria will help.

back out and game 162

Back out and game 162

I had things to do today and my back is out. I can’t even so much as change my pants it hurts too much. I asked my niece to pick up my meds. That is the most important of the errands that need to be done today. I can possibly get the half and half tomorrow while I am out for my morning appointment, if I remember and I am not in a huge rush to be home for my therapy appointment.

I couldn’t write yesterday as I was too tired. I had slept most of the day because I just couldn’t get going and when I did my back hurt. It has been a struggle to cath because I have to stand and it hurts my back. I just posted a cute cat pic. I had started “watching” the game via MLB.com and Twitter. By the 8th inning, I had to listen to the game. The suspense was killing me. I am glad I did because the bats became alive in the top of the 9th and we won the game 5-3. It was a nail biting game. Sale is pitching today. He is was one of my favorite pitchers and he is good so I am hoping if the Sox give him run support, we will win today.

I am hoping to shower and shave today. I smell. I have been sweating even though it has been cool in my room. I have to shave my head today because it has been almost three days since my last shave. It just gets rough if I don’t shave frequently. I am starting to get sort of a bowl top as the sides have grown in since my last haircut at the barber. I won’t be able to get another haircut until my next pay period. I am in financial straights right now as my stupid bank allow three transactions to go through without sufficient funds. Now I am in the negative and I have no idea how to get back to black. The fees alone are going to kill me. I am freaking out about how much I am not going to afford my bills next month being in debt the way that I am.

I need to make sure I am up tomorrow early so that I can go to the lab for my urine tests. I am having so much trouble with the stupid urge when I cath. I have an eye appointment in town. Hope my hip is better for walking tomorrow. I have a long walk to the office from the station. Hope I can walk to and back without problems. There is a Starbucks across the street so I can treat myself when I am finished. I just set two alarms so I am up. Hopefully I won’t shut them off and then doze off. That won’t be good!

depression continues

Depression continues

I had a rough night of weird dreams. I dreamt of my sister in law who just died a few weeks ago. She had been on my mind recently and I guess she manifested in my dreams. In the dream, we were supposed to be going home. I was driving but no matter what road I took it was a dead end. I kept driving around in circles trying to find the street that would take me home and I couldn’t find it. My med alarm went off so I took my meds and then used the bathroom. I had my coffee and still felt sleepy. I had a bowl of cereal and then went back to bed. I slept for a few hours, dream free. I woke up still feeling tired but a little better. My mood was still in the gutter.

My therapist texted me this morning asking if she could see me today rather than tomorrow. I said ok. We met and it went ok. She had her dog in her lap so I got to see him for a bit. He is cute. We talked about my bladder issues but she didn’t get it. She didn’t validate me or understand what I was going through. I felt more depressed about it as we spoke. We talked about writing and being consistent with it. I think I am doing that with my daily blog writing. It has helped me with my anxiety a lot. It only helps a little bit with the depression.

I was very tired after session. I tried taking another nap but couldn’t. I got really bad gas pains in my chest. I keep burping which has relieving some of the pain but my stomach feels icky. I am kind of hungry. I think I am just going to have a bowl of cereal for dinner. I don’t feel like cooking. I was able to brush my teeth this morning after I had my coffee. I need to shave my head and face but I am having trouble finding the energy to do it. I love the bald feel but it is a chore to shave every other day or so. I wanted to bring this up to my therapist but I felt like it would be vain of me.

My leg has flared up again. It has been hurting me most of the afternoon and now into the evening. I’ve been taking BT meds for it. It is almost time to take another dose. Also almost time to take my night meds. There is no game tonight so I plan on going to bed early. I haven’t read today so I might finish the chapter I was reading yesterday. I had to take a break from it because it upset me. This book has not been an easy read.