Tag: nerve injury

random 15112017

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Random 15112017

Today was my sister’s birthday, which concludes birthday month for my father’s side of the family. There are more birthdays on my mother’s side than I know what to do with. November, I guess, was the month to be born. I didn’t want to go downstairs as I felt crummy and I was in pain. I didn’t go to sleep until after 0230 and pretty much slept all day.

Tomorrow I go for my bone scan. I hope they find something that leads to some treatment to decrease my pain. I’ve had enough of dealing with it. I will be at the hospital most of the morning and part of the afternoon as it is a 5 hour long test. I hope it is shorter than that but who knows. I won’t know until I am there.

I wanted to go to the grocery store but it was late when I got up and I didn’t feel like showering or going out. Tomorrow is going to rain. I just feel so fatigued. I barely have energy to write this. I just want to go to bed and never wake up again.

I got the song “one number away” going round and round in my head. So I have it on repeat now to drown out the noise. I hate it when a song is on repeat in my head.

Painsomnia 

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, depression, mental disorders, mental illness, mood disorders, physical pain

I was pushing for 0200 to go to sleep but i had to pee and then brush my teeth as my mouth felt yucky.  I haven’t brushed in two days so i really needed to get rid of the yuck.

Pain has been keeping me up. Started with my metatarsals and then moved up to my ankle bones. I took extra meds and 1200 mg of neurontin. It hurt so bad, not as bad as it was last week. I figure I would write as sleep isn’t coming just yet. I am really tired. I’ve been playing with my phone. Making grocery lists for tomorrow, making a coping plan on one of the apps I downloaded. Dr. Jobes is supposed to come out with a mobile app. I can’t wait.

I’ve been fighting the suicidal urges. I can’t help it as I feel so rotten and hopeless. Pain is really bringing me down. I’ve posted my distress on Twitter but no one has said anything. 

I printed put the RMV forms for name change and stuff. I don’t need a letter from my doc to give to them. I do need to being some bank statements and stuff to prove who I am. Which reminds me, I nees to call the cable company to change my name. I hope I can do it online. To change everything on my license will be about $75, I think. 

I still need to call HR at my work place to find put when I will be getting an updated insurance card. I just need the one for prescriptions so i can change it at the pharmacy. So many things needing changing.

Dammit, my bone pain in my foot is back. I’m not going to sleep tonight. Ao much for wanting to do one errand later today. Maybe I will in the late afternoon. 

I am ordering some stuff from Amazon. I saw a body pillow that converts into a nice back pillow and arm rest so you can read. It is $60. Hope it is worth it. I’ll get it next week, hopefully. My online grocery order keeps going up and down. I order stuff then take it off. I really want to make a spinach, egg, cheese, and bacon sandwich or burrito. I still haven’t made a burrito since I’ve been home from the hospital. I jist have been in too much pain to cook.

Painsomnia is the worst. My foot feels so awful right now and i can’t take anymore meds. I am going to try and sleep now and see if I will be successful. Wish me luck!

Black Daily Word Prompt 12 Nov

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Black (Daily Word Prompt 12-Nov)

I love the song Black by Pearl Jam so the Word Prompt was perfect.

I woke up early after going to bed late due to pain. I slept until around 2 when I went back to sleep. I didn’t feel like going out to do one errand. I’ll do it tomorrow. I thought I had PT but it’s not on my appointment list. No point in showing up just for them to tell me to go home. I cancelled next week because I got to go to the Registry to renew my license and change my gender. I’ll write up a letter and send it to my psychiatrist for her to sign. I’ll bring a copy of it just in case it gets lost in her email. I’ve been getting conflicting information so I’ll have both with me plus the legal document for the name change. I don’t have my gender changed on my birth certificate. That you can only do once you are surgically altered to be the sex you want to be. It also cost money, which I don’t have. When I have the top surgery, then I will worry about it.

I got a call from radiology for my bone scan. It was to remind me I have an appointment Thursday and also that the test takes fricken 5 hours. I’ll be bringing my Kindle and maybe a book. Hopefully I can go to Starbucks for coffee. It’s going to be a long day. I then have to see my psychiatrist the next day, early in the morning. I will have everything in my bag so I don’t forget anything as I won’t be coherent enough to remember shit at that hour.

Foot is acting up. I hate it when my bones hurt. That is worse than my “regular” pain. It’s harder to treat because it is so severe. Luckily, I am due for my pain meds so I just took them. If not, I will take the strong pain pill. Juggling these meds is a joke. Last night my foot and ankle were lighting up like a Christmas tree so I was up half the night. Going to be interesting to see when I have the sleep study if I will be able to sleep and if not, take my pain meds if I am in a flare. I’ll bring them with me, just in case. Night time is always bad for me. I just hope I can get a ride there so I don’t have to walk from the T station. It’s farther walk than the hospital I get my care at.

My UK royalties came in today, after waiting all year. A whopping $9. I can get a sandwich and a coffee at Starbucks, lol. I like that I am an international author but the payments for royalties other than USD takes forever to process because they have to be in USD or the bank rejects the deposit. There is nothing I can do about it as it is a foreign currency issue.

Tomorrow I need to go to the grocery store as fresh cranberries are on sale. I want to make my Nantucket cranberry cake for Thanksgiving next week. I want to make a gluten free one for my sister’s mother in law as she has celiac. Hopefully it will come out okay. I’ll use the throw away pans that I bought. My mother wants me to buy some bacon as well as it is on sale. That is the only time my mother buys bacon. She likes the hickory smoked kind and I like the maple, though I really don’t care. Bacon is bacon. She will eat it as well.

Last night I was scrolling through Instagram and an ad popped up for some weight loss thing. It was a free trial so I am going to try it and see if I can lose some weight. You take it once a day, though I am not sure if it is a powder or a pill. I’m kind of stuck in that I can’t exercise so if this works and I lose at least 20 pounds or more, I will be happy. I just hope I don’t lose my kidneys or liver in the process. That is always my fear with these diet things. They say that it was on Dr. Oz so I am going with that.

Today’s flare up brought to you by taking off a sock

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Today’s flare up brought to you by taking off a sock

I was out of the house around 1140. As I was walking to the bus stop, my nephew was coming up the street. He was going to Walgreens. He offered me a ride rather than taking the bus but I said I would wait for the bus. He went and when he came back, I was still waiting for the bus. He really wanted to give me a ride so I took him up on it. It was faster than waiting for the stupid bus.

I went to Starbucks and got an eggnog latte with no nutmeg and a turkey bacon sandwich. The barista added the nutmeg. I was not happy but I drank it anyway. After I was done and wrote for a bit, I decided to go to the bank to make sure my name was right as I had received a letter with my birth name. The said everything was changed over so it might have just been a glitch.

I then went to the Sprint store to change my name. This is the 2nd attempt I made to do this. The first time I called, I was told that I had to change ownership. Then I looked at the website and it said I just needed to bring the legal document to a store and they could change it. I got to the store and the guy was telling me that I needed my changed license to change my name. Are you fucking kidding me?? I was so fucking annoyed. So after I get my name changed at the RMV next week and then get my actual license in about 10 days from then, I will go back to that jerk and have them change my name. What a waste of fucking time.

I had like 3 hours to go before my therapy appt. I rode the trains until it was time for me to get off at the stop to walk to my therapist’s office. It was a good session. I spent a good deal talking about being in the hospital and he wanted to know what was up with my ankle/foot. I explained it best I could and what would happen moving forward, which still looks bleak to me. I was able to move the bone scan to this Thursday. I don’t know how long it takes to interpret the results so I am hoping to have some answers soon or at least know what the treatment is.

Pain wise I was doing okay. On the way home, I stopped at Walgreens to pick up some more Neurontin. Apparently, I still had a bottle from last month that never got used, yet. I’m not worried about it because I am not paying copays at this time so the more I have the better. I plan on getting a refill next month, too, and then I will be set for a few months. I had dinner and then went up to my room. I got undressed to put my PJs on. I took off my socks, and when I took it off on my bad foot, it flared up. So now I am in a LOT of fucking pain because the elastic irritated my foot. I took it off as slow as possible to avoid it but obviously, my ankle/foot didn’t care.

While I was riding the trains, I thought about going back to the hospital, not to torture myself, but to try and see if staying a little longer helps decrease the amount of suicidal feelings I have. I kind of got overloaded last night when I was in a flare and didn’t go to sleep till around 0330. I just wanted to fucking die and started making plans again. Now I am in another damn flare and I want to fucking die. I just used an ice pack on the back of my head and neck to distract me but I am cold so it didn’t stay very long. I got to get up soon to take my night meds. Not looking forward to that.