Tag: cauda equina syndrome

Saturday Blog 13022021

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 13022021

I am so sore today. My back and shoulders hurt a lot. I was bringing home groceries that were heavy for me. By the time I got near my house the bags broke. A guy in a truck gave me a trash bag so that I could carry the stuff. My nephew came and took me home. I made my burger. It was so good. I plan on having another one today.

I talked with the PT who is really concerned about the tingling in my shoulder. She wants me to contact her today, which I did already. I told her I was sore from the groceries still. My back is really sore. I need to put heat on it. I also need to put heat on my shoulders. I am not to do repetitive motions, so no household chores or dish washing. I am going to have to wash out the pan today so oh well. I still have tingling but it is much less than it was yesterday. I am to put ice on it. I haven’t done that today because I woke up late and I have been moving slow due to soreness. My right arm is killing me because I slept on it and hyperextended the elbow.

I am so tired today. I slept pretty good but I just could not get up this morning when my med alarm went off. My sisters were making noise downstairs and I just laid there in bed, hoping for the noise to end so I could sleep. My back was so sore and it was so hard to move. I took some Tylenol when I got up. I really need a shower but I am hurting too much for that. I know I won’t be able to stand for more than a few minutes. My feet have been cramping today for some reason. I just took some Zanaflex for it and my neck. I know it is going to make me more tired taking this medication but I need relief.

Yesterday I bought cranberry honey mustard. It doesn’t go with burgers. It was too sweet. I liked it though. It would go good with a turkey sandwich. I am mad that my cheddar cheese that I bought got lost on the way home. $4 wasted. I have no idea where I lost it. Taught me a lesson though, always bring your own bags to the grocery store. I knew I should have done it but I didn’t think I was going to get that much stuff. I got impulsive when I saw the juice. I love juices. I should have just bought a 20 oz soda rather than a 2L. I know that for next time. I really wanted a cherry coke but bought Dr. Pepper instead.

I am feeling low again. I just want to crawl under a rock. I’ve been finding comfort in holding my new stuffed giraffe that I named Jim. He is so cute and soft. I also been sleeping with him. I just hug him for support. It has helped a great deal. I really love him. It was so kind of my friend to send him to me.

document 6

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Document 6

Lame title I know but I couldn’t come up with something else. I just had my coffee so feel energized to write. I had flashbacks last night and it was pretty terrifying. I tried reaching out to my therapist but she hasn’t responded. I don’t think she will. I hate when I am in a tough spot and she can’t respond to what I am saying. I feel so alone when she does this. But I understand that texting isn’t always the way to go in a crisis. A friend suggested a hotline but I didn’t have the patience to talk to someone about what I am going through. I wasn’t suicidal.

My neck and shoulders are stiff today. I am trying to keep them moving so they loosen up. I got the tingling sensation again in my shoulder where I was dry needled. It is really sore there to touch. I am going to put some ice and then heat on it after I blog.

I am worried about my mother. Her kidneys aren’t functioning like they should. She is 79 years old and has been an insulin user for more than 40 years. I just hope she doesn’t need dialysis eventually. That will be so hard. She recently has been having some trouble sleeping where she wakes up gasping for air. We think she has sleep apnea. She is still recovering from Covid. The disease really sucks as she can be ok for a day and the next be weak and lifeless. I really feel bad for her. I wish there was something more I could do than listen to her bitch about how sick she is, which she has every right to. She sometimes cries and it breaks my heart.

I need to shower today. I am going to try and clear off my bed too. I just need to get organized a little bit. I think taking a shower will wake me up enough to clear my bed. If I can do that, changing the sheets will be an easier task. I still need to go to the butcher’s shop for burgers. I just hope I still have the sandwich pickles that I love. Last time they didn’t have it so I had to get the chips.

My legs feel so sore and I don’t know why. I am having throbbing in my ankle which is my normal. I never have 100% pain relief despite being on pain meds. Most I will get is 80-95% relief from meds. Then I take the breakthrough meds to help get over the hump. Last night I took gaba because I was getting nerve pain in my ankle and foot. Being triggered last night didn’t help my pain one bit. I got really tense in my neck and that just worsened my neck pain. I just killed my shoulder by trying to message it with the palm massager thing I have. I am really hurting now. I just messaged the PT because I am still tingling and she said it would go away by today. I just want to make sure there is no nerve damage going on or something. I got to put heat on it. I am really hurting today with this. Just hope I can go out and do my shopping that I want to do.

more dry needling

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

More dry needling

This is my new stuffy, Jim. He is so soft. A dear friend gave him to me today. It made my day as my day hasn’t been so great as you read along…

I had PT today and more dry needling. The left side hurt like a mofo and still does. It is so sore but the right is tingling. I had to contact the PT to find out if this was normal or not. She said it was as long as it isn’t going down my arm. It isn’t. I am to alternate with ice and heat so am doing that now. It is already starting to feel better so I am glad I called her. She said it is because it is undertreated. I think I only had one area done instead of two and that is why the muscle is angry right now.

I had a good session with therapy. We talked about trauma and how things are with my sister. She gets me triggered which then can make my pain worse because CRPS is a brain condition. So I told her there was a book on managing chronic pain through CBT but I don’t understand some of what the book is trying to teach. She is getting the book so we can go over it. Shit got real. I had to agree to work on this in between sessions and now I am wondering what the fuck did I get into. She said skills is what I need and this is all skill shit.

For the thing I work on I told her I would go through the book and see what I could do. I am overwhelmed with pain right now and am having flashbacks about shit that happened years ago. I am literally terrified that my sister is going to come barging into my room any moment just to scare the daylights out of me. I know rationally she isn’t going to but the fear is there. I am so anxious and it is just worsening my neck pain.

I am supposed to drink a lot of water after the dry needling but I have a love/hate relationship with water. So I just drank a whole 32 oz bottle of Gatorade. I just took my night meds so I hope the Ativan helps some of the tension I am feeling with the PTSD stuff. I am so tired but still kind of fearful. I have been texting my friend about what is going on and it has helped as well as writing it out. I did text my therapist but I don’t think I will hear back from her. It’s too late. Maybe tomorrow.

state of my nation

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

State of my nation

I don’t usually talk about politics on my blog but the events of Jan 6th is not sitting with me. I want to see those that perpetrated it punished and get the hell out of office. I want 45 to never be able to hold office again and for him to be impeached a second time. Trouble is, his supporters in the Senate refuse to do what they took an oath to do, uphold the Constitution under foreign and domestic threats. These same hypocrits say they stand for the Constitution but they don’t show it. If those senators don’t get expelled from office who is to say history won’t repeat itself and we have a Hitler America. I am terrified of this. I know there are militia groups that probably have more arms than the National Guard and are as trained to use them. All for white supremacy. It is sickening. It is wrong. Every person that invaded the Capitol that day should have gotten arrested rather than sent home, only to get arrested after the fact. Now we can’t find the fucker that put bombs in the RNC and DNC offices. I have no doubt there was collusion among the police to allow this to happen. I am sad for my nation.

I had PT yesterday and it causes some spasms to occur in my chest. We were working on my rib muscles and they got flared up. I didn’t like it. Both sides were hurting me so today I am not going to do the exercises. I will do some but not all of them. I need to give my body a break. My neck is really hurting me today. I put heat on like I am supposed to. I haven’t taken any Zanaflex today. I just don’t want to be sleepy all day.

Trying to see if my niece can go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. I don’t feel like going out today. I am still trying to get enough energy to clear off my bed, which I still haven’t done. I am getting so damn frustrated with myself because I get so tired I just lay down and sleep rather than clear it off so I can change the sheets. I also need to put on the new foam topper which need to sit at least 12 hours or so before I can use my bed. I don’t know what my problem is other than dreading doing the clearing. When I start doing it, it doesn’t take me long. I usually do a little at a time so it isn’t overwhelming.

I feel pretty depressed. I know that is why I cannot change my sheets. I am too weighed down. I feel like I am bobbing in the ocean. I see my therapist tomorrow. I also have PT in the morning. I hope PT can stop the pain in my neck and around my ear. I know it is because the muscles are so fricken tight. I need to shower today. I am starting to smell again because I have been sweating so much. The heat has been going on because it is so cold and I have been really hot. If I had top surgery I would go around the house topless. I can’t wait till I am able to do this.