Tag: complex regional pain syndrome

overslept and out of breath

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Overslept and out of breath

I overslept for my PT appointment today. I couldn’t get up 8 like I wanted to I had woken up around 6 to pee and had a hard time getting back to sleep. I should have stayed up. I went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds and when I came back up the street, I was out of breath. I was also sweating a lot. I feel like walking up the street was my cardio workout for the day.

I had therapy yesterday and it was annoying. Therapist wants me join a chronic pain support group. I am supposed to text her when I do. I looked up the number yesterday but it wasn’t there so had to email the partial program guy to get the number. He has responded; I just got to call now. I hate talking on the phone with people. I rather email them. I hope the group meets via zoom rather than in person.

Therapist and I only had a half hour session because she messed up her schedule. That was fine by me. I got her patronizing lecture of how she is the clinician and basically knows what is best for me. I feel like canceling Monday’s appointment. She probably will talk me out of it though. I don’t know. I hate canceling with therapists. Sometimes it is just easier to show up than cancel. I just hate when they ask why and you don’t have a “good” reason.

Back has been acting up since walking back home from the pharmacy. I took a Zanaflex which I hate doing because it makes me sleepy. I am not doing anything tonight so I don’t mind if I am sleepy. I have been lax in taking it during the day. Neck and arm/shoulder has been okay today. I haven’t been so sore like I was the last time I was dry needled. I had five appointments this week so I was spent which is probably why I overslept. It takes so much mental energy to go to these appointments even though they are virtual, well except my PT. PT is in person. But even that is mental energy to get dressed and taking the bus to show up.

I tried canceling my therapy appointment for Mon and it failed. She basically said given the severity of my depression and suicidality she didn’t think it was a good idea to not meet, at least to just check in. So I will be seeing her. I hate her. She is always calling me out on my depression. I just need a fricken break. I don’t get what is so hard about this.

I was able to sleep for a little bit but my leg kept jerking so I couldn’t go into a deep sleep. I took some meds to try and make me relaxed. My neck is tight so I could use the ease of the meds right now. I am not in pain right now, which I guess is good. Back is still cramping so I don’t know what to do about that. I am ready to take some more magnesium. It seems that is the only thing that quiets down my back. And it has no side effects so I am for it.

dry needling session two

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Dry needling session two

I had PT today and had some more dry needling. She just did my deltoid area. My arm is sore and I need to put some heat on it. I will later. I did some work on a machine to warm up my shoulder before the needling. She also worked on my neck which is wicked tight. It felt so much better afterwards. I wanted to ask her if I could take her home but felt that was inappropriate.

I have been having a tough day. I didn’t want to leave the house but I did anyway for PT and now I am in a flare. I feel really depressed and exhausted about this. I know part of the reason is that I am just so damn tired of being in pain all the time. I am also exasperated about being in pain. I just can’t stand it anymore and even though I am trying really hard not to think of ending things, I can’t help it.

I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow for a check in. She wants me to be honest with her. This really annoys me because I am honest with her. I don’t bullshit. I am going to tell her how bad I am feeling and that I want to act on my thoughts. Not sure how she will respond to this. But I need to let her know what is on my mind.

This weekend marks the 28th anniversary of knowing my psych. She still is the best at what she does. I can talk to her anytime. She is always there for me even though we aren’t working together anymore. I miss her so much.

I am so fricken exhausted. I slept for a little bit and then woke up around midnight so I thought of finishing this blog. I am still hurting with my ankle. I just took some more breakthrough meds. I’ll probably be up half the night now. I’m kind of hungry so maybe I will have something to eat and that will settle me down for a sleep. I just bought some honey nut Chex and really like it even though it is kind of too sweet. I really like the corn one. That one is my favorite of them all.

My hamstring seems to bother me when my ankle is acting up. I never noticed before because the ankle pain was so overwhelming but now I am noticing it more. I have tried stretching the hammy but does no good. I honestly don’t find stretching to be helpful for anything. There was a baseball player that refused to stretch as he said that a tiger doesn’t stretch before they pounce on their prey, or something like that. I took it to heart.

Monday check in

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Monday check in

I’ve got to shower today and I think after this blog is posted, I am going to do it. I woke up in the middle of the night again because I had to pee. Luckily I was able to get back to sleep. I woke up at 7 and feel rested, which is quite a change. I usually wake up tired as fuck. Last night I was having trouble with my suicidal thoughts. I texted a crisis line and it helped a lot. The person was so understanding of what I was going through. I felt validated and supported. I said that I had no plan even though I do have one but I didn’t want to get into it. I wasn’t going to do anything. It was just a lot of thoughts inundating me. My physical pain was really bad. My neck and ankle hurt so much that I was losing it. The stress that I have been under caused my neck pain as after I “talked” things out, I felt better. I know a lot of tension is in my neck and shoulders. I really hope PT helps alleviate some of the pain. My arm is feeling better. It just hurts if I touch the area that was jabbed. My chest is a different story. It still hurts when I touch it and it is swollen so I am going to have to put ice on it.

I had one cup of coffee but today might be two cups. I am thinking of having the second cup when I see my therapist around noon time. I had some toast with unsalted butter and it was gross. Never do that again. I think I am going to buy Irish butter so I can have it with toast. It is so good. I forget the name of the brand but my sisters love it, too.

I am going to try and clear off my bed today. I have been slowly getting things off and putting them where they belong or otherwise just tossing it on the floor because I have no where else to put them. Just hope the caffeine doesn’t wear off. I’d like to get my bed cleared before therapy and then change my sheets after therapy. I also plan on putting on the new foam topper that I bought that I hope doesn’t slide off the bed. This will mean I can’t be on my bed for a few hours but that is ok. I can go downstairs and stay with my mother while it settles on my bed. I just hope I can put on my sheets ok. I haven’t decided which blanket I am going to put on. I think I am going to put the blanket my mother made for me years ago on. It is heavy and warm. I just hope it isn’t too warm.

Snow storm is coming this afternoon. Snow is supposed to start around noon and end around midnight tomorrow I think. They are calling it a Nor’easter. I just hope most of the snow is plowed and shoveled by Wed when I have to go out for my PT appointment. If not I will have to have it virtually. I don’t like the virtual appointments. It is hard to really see what the therapist is trying to make me do. I am going twice a week for the next month or so. I really hope this works and decreases my pain. I just hope we get to work on my neck next because it has been really bothering me more than my shoulder.

Ankle is starting to act up again. I have noticed that when it acts up, my hamstring in my leg hurts, too. The hamstring pain is really bothersome as I can’t stretch it out or take anything for it. Usually if I just keep my leg still it helps with the pain. Last night was my niece’s birthday party. I was able to go down for dinner but I couldn’t go down for the cake as my ankle acted up. Pain is similar to what I am experiencing right now. I still hope I can shower. My hair needs to be washed. It is so damn itchy. I would love to find a shampoo that moisturizes your hair. I haven’t been able to find one. If someone knows a good brand, please pass it along. You can use the contact page or just comment on my blog.

day 2 of dry needling

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Day 2 after dry needling

It is day 2 after dry needling. I am kind of stiff so need to work out the soreness. I had a hard time sleeping last night. I kept waking up with my bicep hurting me for some reason. I don’t know why. It still is kind of sore now. I just did my exercises. I am still sore but it is bearable.

Just listened to Mary Chapin Carpenter’s Songs From Home. She does it nearly every Sunday she sings a new song either one of her old songs or her new one on her album. Or sometimes it is a cover from another singer or band. I love it because I love her. She makes me happy when I see her. This week’s song was “come on come on” from her album of the same name. It is one of my favorite songs.

I need to shave and shower today. I am starting to smell. I don’t wear deodorant that much anymore since the pandemic. I should use it to cut down on the sweating but I never think of it because I am not used to it. If I am going out on the rare occasion I will use it. Even in the coldest of winter I will sweat. Part of the reason I woke up around 0430 was because I was so warm. It is freezing outside so the heat has been kicking on and off. I have the ceiling fan going but still, I get hot. I only have one blanket on. I still have the AC in my window. Tomorrow is supposed to be a blizzard. Going to be cold in my room and I will love it. I texted my sister that it was 16 degrees and we should go to the beach. She laughed.

I cut my finger nails again. Seems I cut them more frequently than I do my toenails. I do need to cut them but I usually wait till after a shower so they aren’t so difficult to cut. Today is my niece’s birthday and I ordered a pistachio latte with 3 extra shots of espresso. I should be wired for the day. I haven’t had espresso in so long. I miss Starbucks. I miss going there to write and to chill while having espresso and a snack. I had coffee today but it hasn’t done much in keeping me awake. I so want to nap right now but I don’t want to wreck my record of not napping in the past week. My sleep has been better since I go to bed around 9 or 10 and for the most part I can sleep through the night except when my bladder wakes me up, like it did this morning. I don’t empty it all because of nerve damage. The PT wants me to drink a lot of water which has been hard for me to do. I am not a water drinker but have been drinking Gatorade. I just sent my PT a message as I have been getting cramps in my right side flank while doing my exercises. I don’t know what I am doing wrong. I started having them while doing them in the office on Friday. I see her this week so hopefully we can work something out. She probably will tell me those muscles are tight too.