Category: mood disorders

Saturday blog 22012022

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, cauda equina syndrome, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

I was having a hard time last night. 4 family members were upset with me because I didn’t bring the recycle down. I had asked my niece to do it and she never did so I got the blame. I got called a hoarder and it really hurt because i know I am not.

Today I slept until my bladder was gonna explode. My sister was in our bathroom so I had to go downstairs to use my other sister’s bathroom, which meant not cathing because she doesn’t have catheters in her bathroom and I didn’t grab any before leaving my room. I had something to eat and coffee. I feel like I could go back to sleep. I actually went to bed around 7 last night but I didn’t sleep. I felt guilty going to bed so early.

I had a difficult day as I got my haircut and then had to go to urgent care for my blood pressure issues. I was having side effects from the blood pressure pill and the doc wanted to put me on a Holter monitor. I said no. My new pcp is going to see me Thursday to start me on the beta blocker lebatalol. But I got to be seen in person. At 0830. Yuck. Next week is going to be a busy week so i hope by Thursday I have some insomnia so I can go to the appt. Otherwise i could sleep through the appt.

I am going to try and shower today. I want to shave my head but don’t think I can do it. I haven’t brushed my teeth in three days. I am so bad when it comes to this stuff. My new toothpaste has become community property. I am not happy about this. I am so tired I just want to go back to bed. I took my morning meds when I got up at 2pm. That is really late to take my twice a day pain med. I just had a really hard time sleeping during the night. I kept waking up to pee.

a going off blog

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

A going off blog

I am just going to bitch about the problems in my life today because I have a therapist I can’t really talk to at times because she intimidates me. I have been slowly getting the recycle in my room together to be thrown in the recycle to be picked up tomorrow. It might seem like I am a hoarder but I am not. I just get overwhelmed and I don’t want the criticism that I drink too much Gatorade every single time I bring down the recycles. I have one bag of trash that needs to be thrown out. The problem is that the blood pressure medication that I am taking has been causing me heart rate problems. My heart rate went up to 156 and all I did was bend down to get something off the floor and when I stood up, I got wicked palpitations and heart racing. I sent a message to my doc that I want to be back on the beta blocker I was to control my BP. It was 142/94 today so the medication isn’t helping just causing problems/side effects.

I sent a message to my psychiatrist last night because I was so fed up with being in pain and being tired all the time because I am not sleeping during the night. I fought fatigue most of the day yesterday and didn’t nap. Last night was the same deal. I woke up around 0130 to pee and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I tried to stay off my phone even though I had messages. My psychiatrist wrote back saying that he supports me. I told him I hadn’t showered in days or brushed my teeth. Last night before bed I did brush my teeth. I haven’t done so today yet. I still need to shower. I stink because I was sweating yesterday. I also need to shave. My stubble is going to turn into a beard soon if I don’t.

My ribs are hurting. Actually everything on my left side is hurting. During dinner I put heat on my shoulder. My mother made pork chops and mashed potatoes. It was good. Now I just want to listen to some music and maybe read a bit before taking my night meds. I haven’t touched my book all week. So much for setting aside reading time. I can’t help it sometimes I am just too tired to read. I got 11 days to finish it. I want to try and read one book a month.

champagne problems and last blog post of 2021

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Champagne problems and last blog of 2021

Thought I would close out the year with Taylor’s song Champagne Problems. I am listening on repeat because I am not going to my sister’s party. I am in too much pain with my shoulder. I took some meds to hopefully quiet it down. If it feels better, I might make an appearance, if only to have an empanada. I am not going to order Chinese food like I was hoping to. I am just not in the mood.

This blog has been a holdstead for me. I have been trying to write every day but that hasn’t worked out so well. I had a stretch of 79 days together and then because I wasn’t feeling well Christmas Eve, I didn’t write and lost it. I am currently on day six in a row so there is hope I will get to 365 or even 100.

The puppy pic for today is Arlo the bulldog. I have been following him on Twitter and he has my heart. He is such a doll.

I think I am going to color in my dinosaur book, the new one I bought and then post it when it is done. Maybe it will be a blog post. I don’t know yet…

It’s 115a

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, painsomnia

I’ve been in severe pain since 1900 last night. I don’t know what I did to cause this flare. I know part of it is because I was emotional today with the news of my BFF who is like a little brother to me. I love him so much. I wish there was something I could do for him. I am going to try and call him every week just to check in on him.

I’ve been scrolling on twitter most of the night. I did read Medical Apartheid. I finished the ugly chapter I was on about eugenics and how white people wanted to expunge African Americans. This went on until the year 2000 where they set up clinics to sterilize or force them on birth control. One of the campaign sayings was something like better to be an addict than to have a child. Shows how depraved people were about addiction. Rather than deal with the issue, they rather the person suffering from addiction was sterile or on the long term birth control Norplant. Just makes me sick. The next chapter is on radiation and Blacks. I don’t know if I can stomach it. I thought I could read this but it is really sad what these people have gone through after their freedom was given.

I am tired but I can’t sleep due to pain. I’ve already taken what I could. I even took ibuprofen to try and stop the pain. I think I could be hungry but I don’t feel like going downstairs to make something to eat. I would just have cereal though. I found a box of honey nut Chex while I was putting groceries away yesterday. I love that flavor.

Because of my grocery delivery, I canceled my therapy appointment. I won’t have therapy this week. I will see her on Mon. We have a lot to talk about. I should probably write some of it down so I don’t forget. I hate writing stuff down because once it is out of my head and on paper, I forget about it.

I made an appointment for my eye exam in a couple of weeks. It is outside of Boston at a new place. I just hope the doctor is nice. It is in the afternoon so I am not so sleepy. I think there is a bookstore near there so I might go book shopping after.